Sex, Weird, Awkward and Intimacy: Milking it

Milking it

By mperrotta913 - 21/05/2010 15:46 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job, which was great, until she started saying, "Milk the penis… Miiiiilk the penis…" FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 139

You deserved it 14 881

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Same thing different taste

By chumman - 06/05/2014 13:55 - United States - New York

Today, I met this overweight chick and ended up sleeping with her. We were doing it doggy style and it was great until she said, "Milk me like a cow." I can no longer drink milk without hearing that in my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 147

You deserved it 20 919

By SkinsCastSelection - 17/01/2011 09:53 - France

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job. As I reached my climax, she thought it would be funny to turn my 'weapon' against me. Boom, headshot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 268

You deserved it 29 220

By Anonymous - 02/01/2012 17:30 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job when she started crying. Despite my pleas for her to stop and attempts to comfort her, she insisted that she continue. I feel like a monster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 268

You deserved it 7 884

By zzarzzur - 22/05/2015 06:55 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my girlfriend of a week showed me her talent: shooting milk out of her vagina across the room. Goodbye dairy products. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 940

You deserved it 4 322

It's all too much

By toomuchlove - 02/08/2010 23:32 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend that I like it when he moans while we're having sex. Unfortunately, he interpreted that as "milk it". The sound is so obnoxious, it's starting to ruin the sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 703

You deserved it 27 245

Timing

By Anonymous - 18/03/2017 07:00 - United States - Westerville

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a blowjob. All of a sudden, she stopped and said, "What's that thing at the back of your throat called?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 584

You deserved it 1 182

By bad in the sack - 05/07/2014 04:26 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. She was on top, and then stopped, got off, and said, "Let's go get ice cream." I think this was her way of telling me I suck at sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 159

You deserved it 11 461

By valerie - 28/05/2011 01:04 - United States

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. It took ages for him to get excited, and in the end the only thing that blew up was him, saying, "Oh my god, just stop it already." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 012

You deserved it 18 780

By man - 30/10/2009 16:34 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend was giving me amazing head. I was really getting into it, when she looked up, and gave me a thumbs up. I can never take oral sex seriously again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 115

You deserved it 23 457

By fineididntwantkidsanyway - 02/12/2012 23:39 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, my girlfriend got into the Christmas cheer while giving me a hand job, smashing my nuts with her palm in time to her humming of Jingle Bells. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 886

You deserved it 4 531

jleon 0

Friday 21 May 2010 18:51

hahahhhshahHahahahahaha

Alexitis1 3

Friday 21 May 2010 18:53

r u serious? that's Hella funny! u should b happy u have a sense of humor girl :)

Comments

iloveTheMiz 0

Saturday 22 May 2010 18:52

I thougt that this was hilarious!

awilliams09 0

Saturday 22 May 2010 18:56

omg turn off hahaha

anonymous599 0

Saturday 22 May 2010 19:11

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahhahahhhhahahah

MiloC_fml 3

Saturday 22 May 2010 22:06

OP's an idiot; the gf deserves butter, heh heh

netbeui435 3

Sunday 23 May 2010 0:27

so what's the problem?

sw33th3art 3

Sunday 23 May 2010 3:03

lmao. you should of jus smacked her with ur d*** and said whos the bitchh now. lol

X_Death_Note_X 8

Sunday 23 May 2010 3:21

lmao!

FpsDoug 0

Sunday 23 May 2010 5:39

BOOM HEADSHOT!!

Styna_fml 0

Sunday 23 May 2010 9:15

toughen up. I say stuff like that to my bf all the time. It doesn't ruin the mood. He just gives me a kiss, tells me I'm cute, and we move on.

chibimarukochan 0

Sunday 23 May 2010 9:21

I THINK IT'S CUTE :)

Keywords

Haircut Work Awkward Health Neighbours Mental health Love Weird Dating Doctor Christmas Kids Parenting My ex Social Media Instagram Break-ups Crush Sex AITA Money Shopping Anxiety Intimacy Wanker DIY Relatable Miscellaneous Weather Cars

The Top

Today, I'm 8 months pregnant and I went to pee at 2 a.m., with the light off to avoid waking my husband. The wanker had left the seat up, so I fell right into the bowl and got stuck with my cheeks in the water because my belly wouldn’t let me get up. My useless sleeping husband couldn’t hear me yell for help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 550

You deserved it 257

Today, after spending two days spiraling out of control with my thoughts and online searches over my husband not being attracted to me, and our marriage being over, I realized it was just the week before my period insanity. I get to know I'm gonna bleed when the intrusive thoughts start to win. Being a woman is so fun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 420

You deserved it 141

The Top

Today, I was commenting on my boyfriend’s page, telling him how much I loved him and missed him since he had been deported back to his country. A 12-year-old girl commented, “Who are you and why are you so obsessed with my daddy?” I didn’t know he had kids. We were together for 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 461

You deserved it 513

Today, some guys were doing construction on my house, when one of them came over and started asking me about my "hot sister". That "sister" is my 13-year-old daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 074

You deserved it 4 427

Today, after years of martial arts training, ballet, and dance, I thought I had pretty good balance for a dude. Then I accidentally stuck both legs in one side of my pants and tipped head first into the wall. The ER doctor has scheduled a test for TBI, and the vertigo “may be permanent.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 920

You deserved it 124

Today, I had to break up with a friend who I couldn't tolerate as a boyfriend. I don't know if the reason was physical unattractiveness, bad body odour, or a forced relationship. The reason I said yes was I didn't want to lose a friend at workplace. I don't know why I had an aversion from him as a boyfriend. I hated it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 255

You deserved it 754

Today, at the water park, my grandmother's boob slipped out. Every time I close my eyes, I see her dangling breast in my mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 281

You deserved it 2 894

Today, after working all day and putting in hours of overtime, I realized I never clocked in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 036

You deserved it 18 841

Milking it

Same thing different taste

It's all too much

Timing

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