Sex, Language and Intimacy: Lost in translation

Lost in translation

By Anonymous - 06/12/2015 13:07

Today, I had to explain to my Romanian colleague that, no, a cat flap is not a euphemism for a vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 035

You deserved it 1 977

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Same thing different taste

That old chestnut

By foreveralone - 24/09/2012 23:12 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, I was trying to convince my flatmate to agree to let me get us a kitten. After gushing about how cute they are, and showing her loads of pictures, she just stared at me and said, "You really need a penis inside you now and again." FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 807

You deserved it 23 512

My pride and joy

By A good cat owner - 02/11/2022 10:00 - United States

Today, I had to explain to another person that my cat is not morbidly obese, he just looks really fat when he lays down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 699

You deserved it 179

Bad women's anatomy

By Anonymous - 03/05/2015 05:37 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend that me switching to "super" sized tampons does not mean I've been having sex with other men with bigger penises, and that my vagina hasn't been "stretched bigger". FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 297

You deserved it 3 567

By Anonymous - 09/09/2010 14:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my cousin came to visit from America. While out shopping, she said loudly that she was having trouble finding clothes to fit around her huge fanny, causing a lot of people to stare in our direction. I had to explain to her that "fanny" in the UK means "vagina." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 561

You deserved it 4 476

By Anonymous - 28/11/2009 05:25 - United States

Today, I was explaining the inner parts of a vagina and how they work. To my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 617

You deserved it 6 736

By o_O - 23/06/2013 17:26 - United States - Bowling Green

Today, I took my cat to the vet. The creepy vet looked me in the eyes and said, "This isn't the only pussy I'll be checking out today." FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 283

You deserved it 4 139

Homeschooling claims another victim

By Anonymous - 27/07/2022 00:00 - United States - Liverpool

Today, I, a 33 year-old guy, had to explain to my 27 year-old girlfriend that she does NOT pee out of her vaginal opening, but does in fact have a separate hole she pees from. She didn’t believe me. After showing her a diagram of the female anatomy online, she said, “Yeah well I don’t have one of those.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 043

You deserved it 127

Romance me please

By trembelwick - 03/12/2011 10:04 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend refered to her vagina as a meat wallet, and to my penis as small change. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 776

You deserved it 6 059

Twins

By rufusthepenis - 02/10/2011 22:57 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting frisky. She got my cock out, stopped, and told me it looked like "Rufus the naked mole rat." She spent the next 20 minutes showing me pictures, describing in detail why they looked similar, and laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 314

You deserved it 4 846

By CatLover<3 - 18/06/2013 23:27 - United States - Cibolo

Today, I tried to explain to my cat why I was single, but then I realized why. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 518

You deserved it 21 922

91hayek 31

Monday 7 December 2015 9:47

Now it is. You can't make me not use it.

gracehi 31

Monday 7 December 2015 10:03

On behalf of FML commenters, please thank your Romanian colleague for giving us this delightful new euphemism. Cat flap. Heh heh.

Comments

chxkira 14

Monday 7 December 2015 22:38

Definitely going to use that now lol

unsealingkale 18

Monday 7 December 2015 23:19

Honestly, it works great. Because pussy

courtney_leath 14

Monday 7 December 2015 23:30

That's actually really hilarious and clever.

morgball10 4

Tuesday 8 December 2015 9:40

debatable

SpawnofAthena 16

Tuesday 8 December 2015 11:01

Ahaha!!!!

willsnow18 11

Tuesday 8 December 2015 23:13

if you wish darling

MrZsDad 19

Friday 11 December 2015 23:44

Isn't the english language awesome?

kainpwnsu 19

Saturday 26 December 2015 7:22

Curious to know how embarrassed your colleague was to hear about the nature of your cat flap. Embarrassed = OK. Inquisitive = creep.

SomehowDiffrent 1

Monday 27 June 2016 19:21

I am that Romanian colleague...

sakurabloom 12

Thursday 1 September 2016 6:26

this is the first FML to actually make me laugh uncontrollably. props to your colleague.

Keywords

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The Top

Today, a man walked through my line with a XL bottle of lotion and many boxes of tissues. As I was ringing him up, the customer broke the silence by saying, "Yeah my son won't stop using the cooking oil for his 'personal time'", finger-air-quotes and all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 402

You deserved it 71

Today, I'm meeting my boyfriend's very conservative parents for the first time, so I decided to dress appropriately and curl my hair to match. In doing so, I accidentally touched my neck with the iron, and I now have a burn there that look a lot like a hickey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 981

You deserved it 4 898

The Top

Today, as I was walking into CVS, two older men outside said to me "Young lady, please consider us on your way out." Thinking they were hitting on me, I rolled my eyes and said "Screw you." When I walked back outside, I realized they were asking for AIDS donations. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 529

You deserved it 86 226

Today, I woke up in an amazing mood and practically jumped out of bed, only to fall flat on my face. In my half-asleep daze I'd forgotten that I'm missing a leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 336

You deserved it 320

Today, my family and friends decided to throw a surprise party for my 16th birthday. I was so surprised that the shortness of breath triggered a serious asthma attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 860

You deserved it 3 839

Today, I finally had sex after a year-long dry spell. It caused an ovarian cyst to rupture and ended up with me in the ER. I'm afraid to ever have sex again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 553

You deserved it 2 256

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex in his car. He got out of the car and moved to the passenger seat with me. As he shut the door, it slammed against my fingers, breaking one of them. He then asked if we could still have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 470

You deserved it 7 244

Today, I went over to my friend’s house while she was sick. In order to show me how bad her sense of smell was, she took a handful of VapoRub and rubbed it all over and inside of my nose then said, “Can you smell that? I can’t.” Yes, I can. But I can also feel my nostrils burning. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2 254

You deserved it 285