Love, Transportation, Cars and My ex: Guilty - FML

Guilty

By jamienicole1993 - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Savannah

Today, I woke up to a broken car window and a text from my ex that read, "Before you ask me, the answer is yes." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 914

You deserved it 3 336

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

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Same thing different taste

I'm OK!

By MAC. - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Canada - Toronto

Today, I slammed the car door on my head while I was getting in the car. If that wasn't bad enough, my boyfriend is convinced I now have a concussion and insists on waking me up every hour to make sure I'm still alive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 439

You deserved it 6 023

You've got mail

By guest - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Argentina - Buenos Aires

Today, I got a text from my ex-boyfriend that said, "I love you." Thinking this meant he'd changed his mind about breaking up with me less than 24 hours before, I replied back excitedly. Turns out that was a text sent last weekend that didn't go through until now. What great timing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 444

You deserved it 2 060

Which side are you on?

By thefuckman - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I woke up to a glorious sunrise, fresh coffee, and a bleached lawn. My neighbors on both sides have constantly fought with each other since before I even moved in, which I guess explains the note taped to my window saying, "Pick a side." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 941

You deserved it 1 689

By Anonymous - 03/08/2016 18:01 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, my car broke down in the middle of nowhere. I walked about 3 miles to the nearest house to call a tow truck. When I got back to where I left my car, it was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 239

You deserved it 1 253

Effed up

By sunny_funny - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Cyprus - Nicosia

Today, my car broke down. My colleague came to get me and then, later, my husband picked me up from work. We went to collect my abandoned car, but it was gone. It took 10 minutes of me panicking and thinking it had been stolen before he crumpled in laughter and told me he'd already collected it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 342

You deserved it 1 193

Sketchy

By Wolf - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Trinidad and Tobago

Today, while sitting next to me, my boyfriend sent a text to one of his "friends" saying, "I'm thinking of you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 856

You deserved it 2 460

Safe bet

By Hit-and-Run - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Mexico - Juárez

Today, after an extensive talk with a relationship counselor, we concluded that I'm more likely to get run over by a car than be in a stable relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 350

You deserved it 3 274

Just browsing

By OneGirlsLife - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, someone tried to break into my car. They tried to do so by jamming a key into my lock, only for the key to break. I guess the key cut their hand, because I had the pleasure of finding the person's blood all over my passenger door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 033

You deserved it 287

Watch out!

By FlyLikeABird - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - San Francisco

Today, I learned how birds feel when they fly into windows. I should be getting the hospital bill for my broken nose in the mail soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 896

You deserved it 4 431

By grrrr - 12/02/2011 19:00 - United States

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. Feeling bad, I texted him a few hours later apologizing. He said it was fine and that he went ahead and picked up a girl from the mall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 131

You deserved it 48 194

Next

Top comments

ifunnyftw 10

Thursday 5 February 2015 18:41

Reply: "Before you ask if I called the cops, the answer is yes."

WCARlover 34

Thursday 5 February 2015 18:40

Restraining order asap

Comments

Vitotaylor36 13

Friday 6 February 2015 4:33

Plot twist: OP cheated and this is revenge.

Dynosaur_dollie 38

Friday 6 February 2015 6:13

Still really over dramatic either way.

dude_itskayley 17

Friday 6 February 2015 4:35

Guess you guys relationship is not the only thing "broken" now! Lame joke? Yeah I'll just leave now :D

spicybasement 12

Friday 6 February 2015 5:23

Bitches be crazy...

idontknow8 8

Friday 6 February 2015 7:53

Maybe she was inquiring about something else. details soon i hope OP.

more4me 27

Friday 6 February 2015 9:46

Yes to what ? Are you an asshole yes ? But OP probably already knew that.

Masift 21

Friday 6 February 2015 15:59

Sue his/her ass!

inz002 6

Friday 6 February 2015 19:37

"Will You marry me?"

kissmyaxel 9

Saturday 7 February 2015 4:16

*hires a undercover killer to do the work.

Denny1988 19

Saturday 7 February 2015 13:27

your ex is clearly crazy, but the question is how crazy? was he thinking you were going to ask him if he broke your window, or if he would like to marry you

nemcali 34

Saturday 7 February 2015 20:14

And that's why she's your ex

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I got stuck in an elevator. The help-line told me, "Don't touch the door. We'll be there soon". Two hours later, I had a headache, my legs were stiff, and my date must've thought I stood her up. The tech finally arrived, pries the door open, then rudely asked, "Why didn't you do that yourself?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 453

You deserved it 3 567

Today, my fiancée's ex sent me screenshots of their conversation. In it, he told her how badly he’d wanted to marry her, what a great life he'd have given her, and what a huge mistake she'd made by letting him get away. My ring, our house even our pets should’ve been hers. Gee, thanks for settling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 168

You deserved it 134

The Top

Today, my roommate unexpectedly came home with a new puppy. I'm severely allergic to dogs. When I reminded her of this, she explained that the puppy was her family now and if I didn't like it I should move out because blood is thicker than water. My roommate is my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 954

You deserved it 3 368

Today, I finally realized why my 9-week-old puppy was going to the bathroom so much. I went to pick up the food bag and realized she had chewed a hole in the bottom, and eaten half of the bag in the last 4 days. Goodbye 30 pounds of dog food, and 100$ for a vet visit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 378

You deserved it 1 784

Today in class I accidentally called my teacher very old and almost dead. As we were discussing a book I said that the book character is very old and close to death since it fitted to the context. Turns out this character is one year younger than my teacher and she wasn't amused. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 713

You deserved it 624

Today, my husband referred to me as his “favorite meat sock” in front of our son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 453

You deserved it 481

Today, I told my boss that my grandma died to get a day off work, but then my grandma showed up at the office looking for me because she wanted to go shopping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 109

You deserved it 1 908

Today, my daughter posted a poem on Facebook about how her father and I abused her for years. It's a complete lie and an obvious attempt to impress her boyfriend, whom she thanked for "rescuing" her. I've received several hateful messages already, along with threats to report me to CPS. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 133

You deserved it 1 127