Intimacy: Great chat!

Great chat!

By eric - 16/03/2011 07:31 - United States

Today, my mom caught me talking to my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 229

You deserved it 96 428

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Same thing different taste

Play it cool

By Fraser - 08/03/2012 19:03 - Canada

Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 200

You deserved it 56 609

By Anonymous - 23/02/2012 20:25 - United States

Today, my mom tried to give me the sex talk, while I was mounting my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 813

You deserved it 37 514

By chewybarseventy - 24/08/2010 06:17 - United States

Today, I came home to see my husband talking to his penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 488

You deserved it 11 066

By Anonymous - 01/12/2014 17:55 - United States

Today, my mom found my dildo, and got so angry that she beat me with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 701

You deserved it 15 191

Knock next time please

By Anonymous - 09/11/2020 21:32 - India

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. I was about to suck his dick when my mom walked in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 947

You deserved it 757

MILF

By Anonymous - 12/11/2020 08:03

Today, I was watching porn and found my mom on a webcam. When I told her that I saw her, she just took away my computer and told me to get off porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 277

You deserved it 587

By annonymous - 07/09/2015 20:56 - United States

Today, while at a neighborhood party, my drunk mother told all our neighbors, including a girl I like, about my struggles with a micropenis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 857

You deserved it 2 427

By Anonymous - 07/05/2016 01:40 - United States - Walnut

Today, I walked in on my mom in the bathroom, washing a dildo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 274

You deserved it 2 444

By ikungfuyou - 27/12/2011 07:11 - United States

Today, despite being 21 years old and living in my own place, my mom still managed to walk in on me whacking off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 708

You deserved it 10 244

By ShadowJack - 29/04/2012 15:10 - United States

Today, my mom walked in on me masturbating. She didnt look away and we stared at each other for a while; then she asked me what I wanted from McDonalds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 455

You deserved it 9 764

X_o_X_ocutie 0

Wednesday 16 March 2011 11:57

u were talking to your dick, Why?

MrNiceGuy518 3

Wednesday 16 March 2011 11:57

-insert clever penis joke here-

Comments

CallMeHush 0

Wednesday 16 March 2011 15:32

I bet she has a small bone to pick with you.

SirEBC 7

Wednesday 16 March 2011 15:45

Penis whisperer.

jessicajellybean 0

Saturday 19 March 2011 10:06

bigbadtim 7

Wednesday 16 March 2011 15:47

Is his name Dick?

spankymrd 0

Wednesday 16 March 2011 15:47

I bet that was a SHORT conversation

dasfro 2

Wednesday 16 March 2011 15:52

were you coaching it?

LaylaaBaybee 0

Wednesday 16 March 2011 15:55

FYL

keipher09 1

Wednesday 16 March 2011 16:03

the penis was asking for some action!

IamTheWil 0

Wednesday 16 March 2011 16:24

Lmao@ the dead baby joke

MAXCAT1220 0

Wednesday 16 March 2011 16:26

did it respond???

jbtheone_fml 5

Wednesday 16 March 2011 16:32

haha pathetic looser!!! bad dick! bad dick! no no!

pink_raindrops 26

Wednesday 16 March 2011 22:04

He probably thought it was like a plant, if you talk to it it'll grow big and strong.

jbtheone_fml 5

Thursday 17 March 2011 1:05

doesn't mean he's not pathetic too!!

Keywords

Management Work Miscellaneous Friends Awkward Relatable Health Healthy Lifestyle Money Birthday Family Mother in law Gifts Parents Public freakouts Education Exams Students Pranks Weird Love Argument AITA Insects Fear Cats Skincare Job interview Jealousy Coworkers

The Top

Today, my time-off request was denied because I'd said on my application that I have “open availability.” This is normally true, except my mother passed away and I need to travel to go to her funeral. I attempted to appeal, but ended up fired for “misleading” the company by “lying on a job application.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 561

You deserved it 104

Today, I was sitting in my cubicle at work, nursing a hangover, and thinking how stupid I was for getting so shit-faced last night. I then realized that I was voicing my thoughts out loud, and the whole office had gone quiet, listening to me castigate myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 048

You deserved it 39 411

The Top

Today, I woke up in my friend's living room after our sleepover. I heard her hot older brother and his friends in the kitchen. Feeling confident, I exposed my midriff a little bit just to give them a peek. They groaned and threw a blanket over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 874

You deserved it 64 807

Today, I got chewed out by my boss. Why? Because my coworkers haven't gotten their work done. Now I have to scan them their work for them to complete it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 350

You deserved it 120

Today, my friends thought it would be fun to change my dad's name on my phone to my girlfriend's name. Guess who got an erotic text message when standing next to me while in the line to buy groceries. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 718

You deserved it 9 700

Today, I was mowing my grandma's lawn when I was suddenly swarmed by bees. When my grandma saw me covered in stings later on, she said, "Oh yeah, there are tons of bees in the grass! Be careful!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 057

You deserved it 2 710

Today, it's the fourth day in a row that I've been kept awake by my grandmother's snoring. I want to be pissed off, but she has sleep apnea, and I feel guilty for even wanting her to shut the hell up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 595

You deserved it 1 278

Today, my daughter told me her tummy hurt, but I assumed she was lying because she hates visiting grandma. About 20 minutes into the car ride, she got excited and said, "Mum my tummy doesn’t hurt anymore!" About 10 seconds later, the smell filled the car right up to the roof. It was diarrhoea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 728

You deserved it 3 731