Birthday and Drugs: Far out, man

Far out, man

By shroomda - 29/06/2009 07:29 - United States

Today, I called my dad to wish him happy birthday. The phone was disconnected, so I called my sister to see what his cell phone number was. She then informed me that our dad was in jail for selling shrooms to teenagers at a music festival out of state. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 231

You deserved it 3 403

Mother's Day: Sweets and Bummers
Between disastrous breakfasts in bed and unusual gifts, Mother's Day is an inexhaustible source of laughter. More…

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By Furnando - 06/01/2023 00:00

Today, I called my dad asking him to wish me a happy birthday. Yay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 743

You deserved it 1 139

By Kellye - 16/09/2009 00:24 - United States

Today, my father called me for the first time in two weeks since I moved away. Excited, I answered the phone. It was a mistake. He thought he'd called my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 333

You deserved it 2 522

By CaptainByron - 28/04/2017 00:00

Today, my father contacted me for the first time in close to 2 months. The first thing he did was ask if I wanted to buy some weed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 375

You deserved it 312

By No one special. - 12/12/2010 05:28 - United States

Today, my dad called for the first time in six months. He needs someone to bail him out of jail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 491

You deserved it 2 429

By seb21 - 09/02/2009 02:32 - United States

Today, I called my dad to inform him I was coming home from college for the weekend. Expecting him to be excited, he responded with "why?" This weekend was my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 513

You deserved it 2 315

By thanks - 02/05/2014 18:20 - United States - San Francisco

Today, it's my 21st birthday. I got a call from my deadbeat dad, who I thought had finally mellowed and had something nice to say. Nope; he just told me I'm 21 years a disappointment, then hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 995

You deserved it 3 514

By Anonymous - 09/12/2012 06:43 - United States

Today, I called my dad, because I haven't spoken to him in a while, and I wanted to invite him to my graduation in May. When he picked up, I said, "Hey, how have you been, dad?" He scoffed, "Wrong number" and hung up the phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 847

You deserved it 3 064

Understanding

By Anonymous - 02/09/2020 05:56 - New Zealand - Hamilton

Today, it was my dad's 60th. I was planning on calling him early, but due to a client (I'm a social worker) ending up in hospital because her husband beat her up, I couldn't call him until 2:30. My mum phoned me in tears, yelling that I was a bad daughter and obviously didn't care about my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 941

You deserved it 733

Arrested

By shikushiku - 03/08/2016 03:12 - United States - Plano

Today, my father went missing. Naturally worried, we searched his workplace, hospitals, and other locations. Turns out he got arrested for driving around town drunk out of his mind. Oh, and it's my birthday. Thanks for throwing me a great (search) party, dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 375

You deserved it 984

By Anonymous - 09/04/2009 18:48 - United States

Today, I got a missed call from my dad, who hasn't talked to me in months and has vowed not to have anything to do with me. I called him back excitedly and apologized for missing his call, and we had a 20-second conversation about how his phone accidentally dialed my number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 159

You deserved it 3 546

tipsypiink 0

Monday 29 June 2009 19:07

HOLY ****, I BOUGHT SHROOMS FROM YOUR DAD AT BONNAROO.

owlcansing 0

Monday 29 June 2009 19:40

Well look at the bright side - he'll still have a "cell".

Comments

teebonehead 0

Monday 29 June 2009 20:09

Your Dad rocks !

someotherbitch 0

Monday 29 June 2009 20:20

yup that sucks your dad got caught-- my dad never has, they should get together my dad could show him how not to get caught!

Jim9349 10

Monday 29 June 2009 20:22

wow, someone has been playing mario a little bit to much, this isn't even funny

Tehalon 0

Monday 29 June 2009 20:26

Thats fcked up. Shrooms should be legal! They even made em illegal in Holland now :'( Good thing the spores aint so I can grow them myself :D

SergioFML 0

Monday 29 June 2009 20:27

I want some Shrooms! :D hook me upp

Cerataphora 0

Monday 29 June 2009 21:52

You do realize you just said that on the internet? Where authorities can track yo?

pretzel77 0

Tuesday 30 June 2009 3:04

ha ha, yeah everything we type gets sent straight to the russian mafia. we're dead!

Boredom_killz_ha 0

Monday 29 June 2009 20:30

how is this FML? I just find it funny.. lol

Arcterion 0

Monday 29 June 2009 20:30

I wish my dad was awesome like that. :(

Rackbot 0

Tuesday 30 June 2009 2:12

How is it not? His dad is in jail and he didn't even realize it.

wannabangyo 0

Tuesday 30 June 2009 16:59

its not because he just found out his dads kickass

allmidnighteyes 10

Monday 29 June 2009 21:25

Your dad is ******* awesome.

Colby_Colbert 0

Monday 29 June 2009 21:28

wtf niiiice XD

leyash 0

Monday 29 June 2009 21:34

BONNAROO!

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The Top

Today, the girl I rejected caught me making out with this girl I like. I told her I was straight in order to avoid hurting her feelings instead of telling her I wasn’t attracted to her because she was obese. She loudly called me out for lying and burst into tears, and ran off making me look bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 167

You deserved it 728

Today, my wife told me that when she was actually pregnant with her ex's child; she was insatiably horny and always wanted sex. Too bad for me, because the current pregnancy has made her repulsed by any sexual contact. Thanks for telling me, I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 232

You deserved it 220

The Top

Today, and for the last week, I've been dreaming only to wake up when my dream-self commits suicide. I'm generally a happy person, so I've no idea why my subconscious is killing me so often. This time, I stuck my face in an industrial-size blender. I can still feel my jaw rattling from the impact. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 554

You deserved it 155

Today, I'm so sick that I'm drinking fluids just to make it hurt less when I puke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 186

You deserved it 2 512

Today, I was expelled from school. By my own mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 422

You deserved it 40 439

Today, I tried to propose to my girlfriend of 5 years. I love her so much and I've been treating her extremely well. Before I could pop the question, she said in these exact words: "Babe, our relationship is like a drunken night. Fun while it lasted but its something I'd rather forget." FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 269

You deserved it 3 542

Today, I woke up late. My grandparents had slept over the night before, but they usually leave early. I heard someone in the kitchen and, thinking it was my brother, I said, "Thank god, the geriatric crew is FINALLY gone." My grandma then responded, "No, we're not." FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 496

You deserved it 74 250

Today, I went out and bought a copy of Black Ops 2. I got home and opened the case, only to see the game disk was missing. When I went back to the store to complain, the guy at the desk accused me of trying to pull an old scam on him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 063

You deserved it 2 843