Birthday and Drugs: Far out, man

Far out, man

By shroomda - 29/06/2009 07:29 - United States

Today, I called my dad to wish him happy birthday. The phone was disconnected, so I called my sister to see what his cell phone number was. She then informed me that our dad was in jail for selling shrooms to teenagers at a music festival out of state. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 231

You deserved it 3 403

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By Furnando - 06/01/2023 00:00

Today, I called my dad asking him to wish me a happy birthday. Yay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 742

You deserved it 1 139

By Kellye - 16/09/2009 00:24 - United States

Today, my father called me for the first time in two weeks since I moved away. Excited, I answered the phone. It was a mistake. He thought he'd called my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 333

You deserved it 2 522

By CaptainByron - 28/04/2017 00:00

Today, my father contacted me for the first time in close to 2 months. The first thing he did was ask if I wanted to buy some weed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 375

You deserved it 312

By No one special. - 12/12/2010 05:28 - United States

Today, my dad called for the first time in six months. He needs someone to bail him out of jail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 491

You deserved it 2 429

By seb21 - 09/02/2009 02:32 - United States

Today, I called my dad to inform him I was coming home from college for the weekend. Expecting him to be excited, he responded with "why?" This weekend was my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 513

You deserved it 2 315

By thanks - 02/05/2014 18:20 - United States - San Francisco

Today, it's my 21st birthday. I got a call from my deadbeat dad, who I thought had finally mellowed and had something nice to say. Nope; he just told me I'm 21 years a disappointment, then hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 995

You deserved it 3 514

By Anonymous - 09/12/2012 06:43 - United States

Today, I called my dad, because I haven't spoken to him in a while, and I wanted to invite him to my graduation in May. When he picked up, I said, "Hey, how have you been, dad?" He scoffed, "Wrong number" and hung up the phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 847

You deserved it 3 064

Understanding

By Anonymous - 02/09/2020 05:56 - New Zealand - Hamilton

Today, it was my dad's 60th. I was planning on calling him early, but due to a client (I'm a social worker) ending up in hospital because her husband beat her up, I couldn't call him until 2:30. My mum phoned me in tears, yelling that I was a bad daughter and obviously didn't care about my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 941

You deserved it 733

Arrested

By shikushiku - 03/08/2016 03:12 - United States - Plano

Today, my father went missing. Naturally worried, we searched his workplace, hospitals, and other locations. Turns out he got arrested for driving around town drunk out of his mind. Oh, and it's my birthday. Thanks for throwing me a great (search) party, dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 375

You deserved it 984

By Anonymous - 09/04/2009 18:48 - United States

Today, I got a missed call from my dad, who hasn't talked to me in months and has vowed not to have anything to do with me. I called him back excitedly and apologized for missing his call, and we had a 20-second conversation about how his phone accidentally dialed my number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 159

You deserved it 3 546

tipsypiink 0

Monday 29 June 2009 19:07

HOLY ****, I BOUGHT SHROOMS FROM YOUR DAD AT BONNAROO.

owlcansing 0

Monday 29 June 2009 19:40

Well look at the bright side - he'll still have a "cell".

Comments

megamandude455 10

Monday 19 April 2010 20:06

that's more like an FHL. eff his life

Dizzygrl08 4

Friday 4 June 2010 2:08

Oh dang!!! Who am I supposed to get shrooms from NOW?! XD

shotgunhr 0

Wednesday 4 August 2010 7:49

it's like Mario: super shrooms. they make you feel like a bigger man.

kykyshay 0

Thursday 17 March 2011 7:09

happy birthday daddy!

itsxbabyxjay 0

Friday 20 May 2011 21:25

Cool Story, Bro.

Ever123 0

Tuesday 22 November 2011 7:38

How is this an FML?

MissMeanie 5

Wednesday 21 December 2011 4:45

Ha ha ha ha, way to go Dad!

rbaybee1 4

Friday 6 January 2012 5:32

Haha I wanna chill with your dad :3

rbaybee1 4

Friday 6 January 2012 5:36

I feel like the people talking crap about shrooms haven't tried shrooms..

ieatcanteloupe 7

Monday 4 June 2012 19:10

That is hands down the fakest fml ever. Impossible for you not to know if you obviously called him.

Keywords

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The Top

Today, while fighting unemployment and an visible abscess on my neck, I was cajoled into attending my Mom's birthday party. I spent the entire time at the restaurant trying to hide an oozing sore with a bandage, eating partially edible food. The cost? $40 I can't afford to spend on food not worth $5. FML

I agree, your life sucks 358

You deserved it 90

Here's another FML video from our friends at 10secondtraumas.com. Enjoy! Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling on his couch when suddenly I tried to get up. Before I could stand, he grabs onto me and says, "I'm a koala and you're my eucalyptus tre...

I agree, your life sucks 27

You deserved it 28

The Top

Today, while working in a blood drawing clinic, a mom sat in the chair holding her 4-year-old child, who kicked me square in the groin. Being a heavyset lady, I shrugged it off and collected the sample, while the child screamed, "Kicking worked on the last man that did this!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 878

You deserved it 373

Today, my mom and dad got into a fight, during which my dad said to my mom that her health conditions were of her own doing. Because of that, I got pissed and had a fight with my dad, taking my mom's side. Turns out, my mom took his side and ratted me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 761

You deserved it 267

Today, I went to the bathroom at work and there was a reed diffuser placed on the tank of the toilet. As I sat down, my hair knocked it off and the reed diffuser landed behind me, spilling the scented oil into my butt crack and vagina, burning me completely. I only had to work 6 more hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 916

You deserved it 289

Today, I was given my marching orders because I corrected my supervisor on something he was actually doing wrong. It seems I deserve this for "not learning to obey my immediate superiors." FML

I agree, your life sucks 882

You deserved it 101

Today, and everyday for the past year and a half, I've felt miserable. I took the decision to leave, not knowing that it would be hell. Now I'm stuck thinking it's good for my future, and too scared to leave. I hate it and hate everything and everyone in this place. I want to leave and I need the courage. The future terrifies me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 329

You deserved it 187

Today, as I wandered through the streets of an unfamiliar city, I spotted a cop and darted across the street to ask for assistance. He kindly gave me directions as he wrote me out a citation for jaywalking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 137

You deserved it 10 139