Health, Sex, Poopoo peepee and Gross: Dirty sex - FML

Dirty sex

By Anonymous - 20/11/2022 06:00 - Canada - Burlington

Today, I was in my girlfriend's room when she walked in after getting out of the shower, wearing just a towel. She removed it and I was inches away from going down on her when I noticed she hadn’t wiped properly, either before or after her shower. She'd complained about stomach problems earlier, but regardless… FML

I agree, your life sucks 938

You deserved it 126

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Same thing different taste

By coolhand - 29/08/2009 15:13 - United States

Today, I waited for my girlfriend to get in the shower before I stripped down to try and seduce her. I got ready, threw open the door and went in. I walked in on her taking a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 511

You deserved it 67 415

Creeped out

By HadToApologize - 03/11/2009 05:20 - United States

Today, I took a shower at my girlfriend's apartment. I was wandering around, gathering my clothes when I noticed my girl doing her hair in the other room. She looked sort of peculiar, so I stood there, studying her. Half naked. I then realized it wasn't my girlfriend, but her roommate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 371

You deserved it 23 060

By FUCK GOD - 03/02/2013 23:04 - Argentina - Salta

Today, for the first time in weeks, my wife felt frisky, and we started fooling around. Half-way through undressing me, she bolted out, claiming she had the shits. About five minutes later, she tearfully called out from the bathroom, begging me to bring her a fresh roll of toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 110

You deserved it 4 851

By Harry Dare - 02/09/2011 16:31 - United Kingdom

Today, just after waking up, I caught a glimpse of my girlfriend in the mirror. Not knowing I was awake, she sniffed at her armpits, started gagging, then quietly came back to bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 986

You deserved it 4 320

By Anonymous - 15/06/2015 02:54 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was drying myself with a towel after a shower when I noticed a bad smell. After running out of toilet paper last night, one of my friends decided to use my clean towel to wipe herself instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 672

You deserved it 2 409

By shattysituation - 31/12/2012 22:36 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try a new place to eat. On our way home we both had upset stomachs. As we raced into the house we realized neither of us could hold it any longer. Having only one bathroom, I let her go first. She exploded on the toilet and I exploded in my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 380

You deserved it 4 049

By Anonymous - 27/01/2013 06:03 - United States - Demorest

Today, while getting intimate with my girlfriend, I felt a sharp pain in my stomach, and had to run to the bathroom to evacuate my bowels. She heard the horrible sounds, and I doubt I'll ever be able to seduce her again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 036

You deserved it 3 908

By jester777 - 22/01/2011 17:39 - United States

Today, I sneaked into my girlfriend's house for some romantic time. Before going into her room, I took a dump in the bathroom. Once I was done, I not only noticed that there was no toilet paper left, but I heard her and her 6'5, heavyweight boxer, ex-marine father, talking outside the bathroom door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 545

You deserved it 49 395

Extreme dating

By umm yeah no! - 20/08/2021 13:59

Today, I had to have a serious talk with my new girlfriend about her terrible hygiene. In the two weeks we’ve been dating, she admitted to only having showered "once or twice." She doesn’t see a problem with this, even though the first (and last) time she came to my place, she smelled like death. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 458

You deserved it 260

Put the booze down

By Anonymous - 13/08/2020 14:01

Today, I shat myself in front of my girlfriend's family, after drinking too much the previous night and waking up with major stomach problems. FML

I agree, your life sucks 558

You deserved it 2 057

Next

Top comments

JackWood 20

Sunday 20 November 2022 14:55

It might be the first time you noticed, but i bet it's not the first time she failed to wipe properly.

RichardPencil 30

Sunday 20 November 2022 15:11

Does she not know what a shower is for? If caked-on shit remains on you after you're done, you aren't doing it right.

Comments

JackWood 20

Sunday 20 November 2022 14:55

It might be the first time you noticed, but i bet it's not the first time she failed to wipe properly.

RichardPencil 30

Sunday 20 November 2022 15:11

Does she not know what a shower is for? If caked-on shit remains on you after you're done, you aren't doing it right.

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The Top

Today, I was having sexy time with my girlfriend when she said she needed to pee. She came back 5 minutes later and started talking about how she hasn't seen her best friend in ages and misses her. Needless to say, I couldn't get the man downstairs back up when we continued. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 073

You deserved it 183

Today, my grandma drove me home from school early because I was sick. I went upstairs and heard my parents having sex. Embarrassed, I ran downstairs and was about to leave the house when I saw a car pull into the driveway. It was my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 824

You deserved it 254

The Top

Today, I saw the girl I have a crush on holding hands and making out with another girl. When I hinted that I was into girls, in an attempt to ask her out out two months ago, she told me she was “straight as hell” and would “never resort to that disgusting ass lesbo shit.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 255

You deserved it 243

Today, I realized how much I hate my girlfriend, when I got excited as the doctor told me I should refrain from having sex for the next two months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 792

You deserved it 31 407

Today, I announced to my boyfriend that I'm pregnant. He immediately denied that it was his because "a childhood accident" supposedly left him sterile. He has a child from a previous relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 878

You deserved it 5 864

Today, a man with a clipboard came up to me in the street to ask me if I was happy with my life insurance. I couldn't bring myself to admit to him that I'm so clueless about my own life that I wasn't sure I was even happy with the Twix I was eating at the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 678

You deserved it 3 737

Today, I had to send a picture of my Grandma at her funeral to my girlfriend, because she thought I was out cheating on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 630

You deserved it 5 881

Today, I was so sexually frustrated that I tried getting off with a banana. It was not enjoyable, for me or the banana. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 174

You deserved it 32 483