Sex, Awkward and Intimacy: Anticlimactic

Anticlimactic

By JC12345 - 18/03/2009 04:35 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Afterwards we went to Applebee's for dinner, then after we'd ate I asked, "How was it?" he says, "It was terrible", to which I said, "The food was that bad?" He replies, "No, the sex". FML

I agree, your life sucks 90 976

You deserved it 13 830

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Same thing different taste

True love waits

By Acolyte of the Bacon God - 15/02/2013 19:50 - United States - Fort Myers

Today, my girlfriend finally said that she finally felt ready to have sex with me. It ended up being so terrible that I only managed to get some pleasure out of it when my mind drifted to the thought of going to Olive Garden later and eating some of their breadsticks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 166

You deserved it 10 410

By Anonymous - 10/01/2012 03:30 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Afterwards, he said he was in love with me and that he wants to be with me forever. It was also at this time I realised that I can't stand him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 235

You deserved it 38 773

Mr Floppy

By rachiej8 - 10/06/2012 04:13 - United States - Fairlee

Today, my boyfriend and I tried to have sex for the first time. Everything was going well, until he tried to put it in. A few minutes later, he said, "It's not hard enough." We tried for another half hour to fix that. We ended up eating ice cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 977

You deserved it 5 502

First time?

By Anonymous - 29/11/2013 11:56 - United States - Westminster

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. It was also the first time he'd ever had sex. How could I tell? He cried all the way through, and called his parents right after. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 270

You deserved it 6 898

Smooth talker

By pixie - 17/02/2009 08:10 - United States

Today, I had sex for the first time with a guy. After he passionately made love to me, I turned to him and said, "You smell really good." He turned to me and said, "You don't." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 821

You deserved it 13 773

By Anonymous - 15/02/2010 13:28 - United Kingdom

Today, I decided to have sex with with my boyfriend. After we had finished I jokingly said, "who's going to sleep in the wet patch?". He got up and said "you're optimistic, I'm not staying. Oh, and I'm dumping you, that performance was disappointing". It was my first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 420

You deserved it 4 506

True Love Waits

By anonomus - 01/06/2010 01:35 - United States

Today, my husband and I had sex for the first time because we pledged we wouldn't have sex until we were married. He's terrible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 620

You deserved it 70 349

Un huh

By awkward - 26/07/2013 18:00 - United States - Yorba Linda

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Instead of moaning like any normal person, he just kept saying stuff like "uh-huh," "not too bad," and "yup" in a complete monotone. It was probably the most uncomfortable experience of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 141

You deserved it 7 251

Downhill from here

By forewhatnow - 07/11/2009 08:47 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend took me out to a really romantic dinner. Later, I lost my virginity. The chicken was better than he was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 736

You deserved it 9 835

By ahhh - 03/08/2015 06:06 - United States - Northbrook

Today, my boyfriend of 2 months and I had sex for the first time last night. This afternoon he texted me saying, "I had an amazing night with you yesterday." Following that text he said, "I forgot to tell you I have an STD." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 943

You deserved it 7 348

leearm104 4

Sunday 20 March 2011 6:51

that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. youre definitely a virgin if you think you could confuse pussy with a hole in a mattress.

smdrager 0

Wednesday 18 March 2009 12:43

We can't all be good... practice makes perfect.

Comments

hehpoof 0

Wednesday 18 March 2009 19:14

Right! One more thing. Using sex as a weapon or a tool (as people are suggesting when they tell you to not put out for a few weeks) would corrupt the experience. If you're cool with that, by all means go for it, but if you want sex to still be fun I'd advise against that. Also, guys are not the slobbering love-slaves some of you think they are. They don't drop their pants for anybody who'll have them, and they -are- capable of saying no even to someone they're attracted to. Honestly, all this stereotypical, irrational advice can't be helpful =/

rnuggs 0

Wednesday 18 March 2009 19:39

if it was good for you thats all that matters. next time just go harder

Bubs_fml 0

Wednesday 18 March 2009 19:42

Silly you, Applebees food is never bad. Of course he was talking about the sex. (Because people cannot take a joke, I must advise to not take the above seriously) Also, screw anyone who assumes all guys are falling over themselves to get laid.

bonare0607 0

Wednesday 18 March 2009 19:49

What a jerk. He should've been more respectful about it. The only funny thing about this FML is that you went to Applebees. Nothing like celebrating your love with a plate of mixed nachos and a strange omelet.

itsme33_fml 0

Wednesday 18 March 2009 20:36

well you asked, did you want him to lie?

nomo_fml 0

Wednesday 18 March 2009 20:44

How hard can sex be for a girl? At the very worst, you just lay there. If it sucks, it's the guy's fault probably.

wrestler_fml 0

Wednesday 18 March 2009 20:49

You do know that he could have been being SARCASTIC for you asking him such a stupid question!!! Just pointing that out!

ccb_fml 0

Wednesday 18 March 2009 21:43

HAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA OMG #2... best answer ahahahahhahahahahahahahah

ccb_fml 0

Wednesday 18 March 2009 21:45

ps - if he thought it was terrible... he wouldnt go out for dinner with you! he'd be weirded out and probably wouldve left before you could get your clothes on...