Sex, Awkward and Intimacy: Anticlimactic

Anticlimactic

By JC12345 - 18/03/2009 04:35 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Afterwards we went to Applebee's for dinner, then after we'd ate I asked, "How was it?" he says, "It was terrible", to which I said, "The food was that bad?" He replies, "No, the sex". FML

I agree, your life sucks 90 976

You deserved it 13 830

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Same thing different taste

True love waits

By Acolyte of the Bacon God - 15/02/2013 19:50 - United States - Fort Myers

Today, my girlfriend finally said that she finally felt ready to have sex with me. It ended up being so terrible that I only managed to get some pleasure out of it when my mind drifted to the thought of going to Olive Garden later and eating some of their breadsticks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 166

You deserved it 10 410

By Anonymous - 10/01/2012 03:30 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Afterwards, he said he was in love with me and that he wants to be with me forever. It was also at this time I realised that I can't stand him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 235

You deserved it 38 773

Mr Floppy

By rachiej8 - 10/06/2012 04:13 - United States - Fairlee

Today, my boyfriend and I tried to have sex for the first time. Everything was going well, until he tried to put it in. A few minutes later, he said, "It's not hard enough." We tried for another half hour to fix that. We ended up eating ice cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 977

You deserved it 5 502

First time?

By Anonymous - 29/11/2013 11:56 - United States - Westminster

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. It was also the first time he'd ever had sex. How could I tell? He cried all the way through, and called his parents right after. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 270

You deserved it 6 898

Smooth talker

By pixie - 17/02/2009 08:10 - United States

Today, I had sex for the first time with a guy. After he passionately made love to me, I turned to him and said, "You smell really good." He turned to me and said, "You don't." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 821

You deserved it 13 773

By Anonymous - 15/02/2010 13:28 - United Kingdom

Today, I decided to have sex with with my boyfriend. After we had finished I jokingly said, "who's going to sleep in the wet patch?". He got up and said "you're optimistic, I'm not staying. Oh, and I'm dumping you, that performance was disappointing". It was my first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 420

You deserved it 4 506

True Love Waits

By anonomus - 01/06/2010 01:35 - United States

Today, my husband and I had sex for the first time because we pledged we wouldn't have sex until we were married. He's terrible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 620

You deserved it 70 349

Un huh

By awkward - 26/07/2013 18:00 - United States - Yorba Linda

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Instead of moaning like any normal person, he just kept saying stuff like "uh-huh," "not too bad," and "yup" in a complete monotone. It was probably the most uncomfortable experience of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 141

You deserved it 7 251

Downhill from here

By forewhatnow - 07/11/2009 08:47 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend took me out to a really romantic dinner. Later, I lost my virginity. The chicken was better than he was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 736

You deserved it 9 835

By ahhh - 03/08/2015 06:06 - United States - Northbrook

Today, my boyfriend of 2 months and I had sex for the first time last night. This afternoon he texted me saying, "I had an amazing night with you yesterday." Following that text he said, "I forgot to tell you I have an STD." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 943

You deserved it 7 348

leearm104 4

Sunday 20 March 2011 6:51

that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. youre definitely a virgin if you think you could confuse pussy with a hole in a mattress.

smdrager 0

Wednesday 18 March 2009 12:43

We can't all be good... practice makes perfect.

Comments

lauren_alyssa 0

Monday 23 March 2009 17:16

Thats pretty bad

whereisbob_fml 0

Monday 23 March 2009 20:35

he probably said it in confidence, i hope. i dont think ive ever heard of first time being good. me and my GF's reaction after was just a bit weird in a kind of good ish way, realised how little of a big deal it really is :P trust me it will get better in a couple of months :D so practice makes perfect, for both sides of the party

iBou_fml 4

Saturday 28 March 2009 22:32

sorry but he sucks-.-" he doesnt know to speak with a girl.........

Vehicle 1

Sunday 29 March 2009 6:45

If he meant this with all seriousness, That was a super jerk move. WOW.

Homewolf 0

Tuesday 31 March 2009 5:12

I sure hope he was being sarcastic, haha!

blueworld_fml 0

Tuesday 7 April 2009 8:44

Unless its an utter fail, for the first time, you always say it was good. If it is an utter fail, then you communicate right then and there to make it good and if appropriate, try to do so in a fun manner. Joke or not, it just ruins the girl's confidence and there is no part of a woman sexier than when she is confident.

Tiesto_fml 0

Monday 13 April 2009 1:12

this story sounds too fake...not that its unbelievable, just that it doesn't sound legit.

qwep 0

Monday 4 May 2009 0:38

He's just dumb, unless he's trying to dump you, in which case, you can probably do so much better. Don't ever have sex with him again. Get a new bf. No woman deserves to be spoken to in that manner unless he was joking.