Intimacy, Sex, Virginity and Teenagers: Alexa, play "Absolute Beginners" by David Bowie

Alexa, play "Absolute Beginners" by David Bowie

By Anonymous - 29/07/2023 15:00

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try “things” while under the influence. I suggested he go down on me; he thought about it for a second and then said, “I would, but I don’t want to get scared when I take a look.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 808

You deserved it 262

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Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By whyeventry? - 02/08/2013 04:39 - United States - Neenah

Today, I finally talked my boyfriend into going down on me. Everything went well until I came and instinctively gripped his head with my thighs. He panicked and we both rolled off of the bed crocodile-style. Now he's too scared to even have sex with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 138

You deserved it 12 717

Superfuzz Big Muff

By miiiiilk - 05/12/2010 11:12 - United States

Today, as my boyfriend was about to go down on me, he held his breath and said, "I'm going in!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 643

You deserved it 9 529

By Anonymous - 23/02/2013 18:27 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, after months of a very healthy sex life with my boyfriend, he asked me to let him try anal. I'm dead-set against it, so I tried to let him down easy by jokingly saying that I would, but only if he let me try it on him first. He said, "Sure." Fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 293

You deserved it 48 546

Close but no BJ

By nikkrissa_04 - 07/08/2009 11:17 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were messing around in his car. I then decided I was going to give him a blowjob for the first time. As I was going down, he grabbed my chin and said, "Don't do that, your mouth isn't clean enough." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 657

You deserved it 12 193

Observation

By Anonymous - 17/04/2009 05:43 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Right as I was really getting into it, he pauses, frowns, and says, "I think I see the pee hole." FML

I agree, your life sucks 97 733

You deserved it 7 998

By bellaboop1990 - 14/07/2009 22:13 - United States

Today, my drunk boyfriend told me he thought of new positions for us to try in bed because it was getting boring. We haven't had sex yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 497

You deserved it 6 363

By Anonymous - 12/03/2013 22:21 - United States - Berkeley

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me. I said yes. This caused him to panic, excuse himself, then take it back via text message a half hour later, claiming he'd been drunk. We live together. When he comes back home, it's going to be very awkward indeed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 560

You deserved it 3 090

What what?

By Anonymous - 12/04/2022 16:00

Today, my boyfriend stuck his finger in my butt and I liked it, but I can’t ever tell him that or he’ll get that smug look on his face like, “I told you so, let’s have anal now.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 479

You deserved it 1 404

By thisblows - 16/03/2011 16:50 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. I started to moan right when I was about to climax. He got worried, stopped and asked, "Are you okay?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 815

You deserved it 8 735

Overdoing it

By Anonymous - 29/05/2020 08:00

Today, my boyfriend convinced me to "dirty talk" with him. I'd never done it before, so I figured I would give it a go. I ended up getting so excited that I had an anxiety attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 617

You deserved it 402

Yudith 24

Saturday 29 July 2023 19:16

Just tie a scarf over his eyes, then, Problem solved.

SirEnigM0nk 22

Saturday 29 July 2023 20:57

This gives new meaning to DUI (Diving Under the Influence).

Comments

RichardPencil 30

Saturday 29 July 2023 16:16

That can be a scary neighborhood! And if he goes there once, you'll be pissed if he doesn't go back.

Yudith 24

Saturday 29 July 2023 19:16

Just tie a scarf over his eyes, then, Problem solved.

SirEnigM0nk 22

Saturday 29 July 2023 20:57

This gives new meaning to DUI (Diving Under the Influence).

RichardPencil 30

Saturday 29 July 2023 23:38

Just as I feared: the comments here are Bush League!

SirEnigM0nk 22

Sunday 30 July 2023 2:59

Meh, it's been a long week. I guess it blows unlike OP.

Brightside86 30

Sunday 30 July 2023 1:45

Is the influence acid? If so, a bad trip while going down on someone sounds pretty damn scary.

Keywords

Annoying Gamers Video games Abuse Birthday Relatable Scams Social Media Money School Kids Education Parents Public freakouts Health Grieving Mental health Geek Music Poopoo peepee Awkward Jewelry Bikes Cops Transportation Fight Family Work Gross Customers

The Top

Today, I was stuck with a coworker all morning while she had the "front farts." I moved to a different area after lunch, only to have another coworker start talking loudly about her boyfriend's skin tags, and how he likes to have her bite them off. I'm so disgusted but afraid to report it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 455

You deserved it 86

Today, I was with my boyfriend. He got up, shut the blinds and turned around to say, "I don't usually shut the blinds, but no one can see this." Assuming we were going to have sex, I took my pants off. He asked me what I was doing, then sat down to eat an entire tub of ice cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 263

You deserved it 2 123

The Top

Today, at the age of 14, my neck, back, and feet take turns setting themselves on fire if I stand up for too long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 421

You deserved it 78

Today, I excitedly told my mom that I'm pregnant with my second child. She shot back, "You know what's a REAL achievement? Jacking your dad off in church last week without anyone noticing. Aim higher." I really didn't need to know that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 830

You deserved it 4 294

Today, at 4 a.m., I remembered that I had not studied for my Spanish exam. I panicked, jumped out of bed, and frantically began searching for my notebook. It wasn't until I destroyed my desk and woke up my roommate that I realized that I'm not enrolled in Spanish this semester. It was a nightmare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 479

You deserved it 9 682

Today, I realised that 3/4 of my family are prone to believe conspiracies and are anti-vax Covid freaks. I want to keep our relationships, but every discussion ends in an argument about some conspiracy they believe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 157

You deserved it 188

Today, I got turned down by my dream job because their rival company happens to be called my exact name. I'm now known as "The Spy". FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 075

You deserved it 1 516

Today, my brother got a pet ferret. He told me it had a flexible spine, so I bent it backwards. It farted, and clawed my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 342

You deserved it 87 178

Alexa, play "Absolute Beginners" by David Bowie

Same thing different taste

Superfuzz Big Muff

Close but no BJ

Observation

What what?

Overdoing it

Top comments

Comments