silviaa

Today, I moved to California. Too bad the rest of my belongings didn't. FML

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job. As I reached my climax, she thought it would be funny to turn my 'weapon' against me. Boom, headshot. FML

Today, I walked in on my father and brother attempting to harmonize their farts. FML

Nice!

Today, my boyfriend told me my vagina looks like an old man in a hat. It's OK though, he said it was a nice hat. FML

Today, my friends and I went to the strip club for my birthday. I now know how my sister is paying for her new car. FML

I got skills

Today, I discovered I can properly operate the television remote with my feet. I then realized that it is pretty much my only talent. FML

Today, I broke my leg while trying to show my friend how I broke my other leg. FML