Today, I was bored and decided it would be fun to pretend to be an undercover cop and pull over other cars. The first car I pulled over was a real undercover cop. FML
Today, I was at the park when I saw a homeless man sleeping on a bench. I thought it would be funny to throw a small rock at him. He thought it would be funny to pull out his knife and chase me for six blocks. FML
Today, I realized the person I had been habitually stealing bag lunches from at work made me a canned dog food sandwich. FML
Today, I got bitch-slapped by a walrus at Sea Life Park. FML
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