blindsquirrel4

Today, I found some nude vintage pictures in my house. I decided to beat my meat to them. Later I found out it was my grandma. FML

Today, I was running late for school because I had a huge stomach ache. To save on time, I took a taxi. When the taxi driver hit a bump, I lost control of my bowels and shit myself. Not only do I have to wash my underwear in the sink at school now, but I had to pay the driver extra to remove the smell from his car. FML

Today, my boyfriend decided it'd be funny to create a "place" on Facebook for my vagina. Now he "checks-in" every time we have sex. FML

Today, my son drew in Sharpie all over the wall, so I spanked him as punishment. When my boss came over for dinner, my son shouted, "Daddy made me take my punishment in the butt." FML

Today, I broke my leg while trying to show my friend how I broke my other leg. FML