nenemisfit

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38 years-old
Tuesday 27 January 1987
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Nenemisfit's favorite FMLs

By thedullard - 16/02/2009 05:35 - United States

Today, at the gym, I see a person laying unconscious on the ground with people crowded around. Previously being a lifeguard, and knowing CPR, I ran over and asked a man what happened, preparing to check his vitals. I then realized that the body was a dummy and the employees were doing a drill. FML

agreeclassic 17 470

vote type 1 31 254

By fuckoffgramps - 24/01/2016 17:10 - United States - New Freedom

Today, I twisted my knee while cutting firewood with my grandpa. The pain was so crippling, I fell over screaming. His response? "Quit your bitching, I had my kneecaps blown off in Vietnam. They had to stitch 'em back on." He's never been to Vietnam, or even out of the country. FML

agreeclassic 27 600

vote type 1 2 271

By parkoursam - 10/03/2015 16:45 - United States - Chicago

Today, I went to get a physical, forgetting I'd shaved my pubes the day before and still had bad razor burn. My doctor told me I had "dicken pox" and was prescribing me with shaving cream. FML

agreeclassic 30 520

vote type 1 7 247

parkoursam app_comment_confession_title

parkoursam 7

Wednesday 11 March 2015 23:48

Thanks for the advice lol

By elissak - 07/12/2014 06:58 - United States - Dubuque

Today, I performed the Heimlich maneuver on a man. He cussed me out because the piece of food he was choking on was "a perfectly good portion of lobster". FML

agreeclassic 35 689

vote type 1 2 757

elissak app_comment_confession_title

elissak 12

Sunday 7 December 2014 21:00

Hey all! OP here. A longer version of the story... I was on a first date when I saw a man at another table panic, get up from his table, and start running toward the back. I was taught this is a common sign of someone choking, so I went after him without thinking (my poor date!). I caught him right before the bathrooms and had him calm enough for a moment to dislodge the lobster. He was very thankful at the time. Around twenty minutes later when his table got the bill, he made a special trip over to my table to get in my face and started yelling about how I cost him this otherworldly amount of money because he couldn't get that lobster back. I had considered opening my purse and pulling out some monopoly money to pay for his meal (yes, I keep monopoly money on me), but I thought that might have been a little cruel or in poor taste, so I simply stared at him until he walked away. My date and I laughed about it for the rest of dinner, and it's definitely a tale getting added to my arsenal of stories. No harm done!

By Anonymous - 18/10/2014 23:05 - United States - Evanston

Today, I laughed at my grandma's chihuahua poodle mix, as it barked at me entering the house. "What are you going to do, nibble me to death?" is apparently enough to make it jump and bite me. I needed five stitches. FML

agreeclassic 32 512

vote type 1 13 262