O_M_L_32

ninnang This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff Honolulu, United States

Erm, thanks?

Today, my boss delivered some flowers and a sympathy card signed by everyone in the office to my cubicle. The card said, "Sorry your mom died." My mom isn't dead. I don't know where they got the idea from and no one believes me. They said that denial is part of grieving. FML

94 comments

oh my fucking god 10 July 2014, 13:34 Derby, United Kingdom

Today, my fiancée has been saying, "Shit's gone cray-cray" for over a week. I finally snapped. When I was done ranting, she murmured, "Baby, don't be cray-cray". FML

172 comments

dammit hearing aid This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff Wallingford, United States

Confused

Today, I was interviewing a woman for a job. She told me that she may need days off because of her artistic son. I jokingly replied, "Does he color on the walls or something?" She then stared at me with a weird look on her face. Autistic, her son is autistic. FML

119 comments

look how totally not racist I am! 11 July 2014, 03:32 Salida, United States

Today, I was stuck on a campus tour with my subtly racist mother who, in an attempt to seem open-minded, deemed it appropriate to refer to our black tour guide as "Sistah". FML

71 comments

morgan_rumm 11 July 2014, 20:02

Today, I texted my mom asking how she was doing. Apparently she's great, and on her honeymoon. I didn't know she was getting married, or that my parents had just gotten divorced. FML

88 comments

soundslikeadumbcommentersituation This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff Brampton, Canada

Hear this?

Today, while in my backyard, I had some insane gastric distress. I let out a fart so powerful that it made me yelp in pain, and left my asshole numb. A second later, I heard a cough come from over my neighbor's fence. I had to quietly limp back into my house in shame. FML

97 comments

sexyhobbit 12 July 2014, 00:26 Pittsburgh, United States

Today, I confided to my boyfriend that I have a condition that causes me to grow thick toe hair. He now won't stop calling me "the sexy Hobbit." FML

98 comments

Anonymous 12 July 2014, 01:36 Coeur D Alene, United States 🌶️ Spicy

It's not what you think

Today, I went on a date and ate in the park. When I crossed my legs under the table, I scraped my knee and got a lot of splinters in it. When I got back home and started digging out the splinters, my dad furiously demanded to know why I'd been on my knees during the date. FML

62 comments

Anonymous 10 September 2014, 03:16 San Francisco, United States

Today, my girlfriend went shopping at Victoria's Secret with me. While she was in the fitting room, her parents walked by and saw me. They don't approve of the store, so I panicked and told them I was considering becoming a woman. FML

101 comments