kikiface

Today, I was going to have sex with my Hispanic boyfriend. I wanted to turn him on, so I asked my friend how to say "fuck me" in Spanish. She claimed it was 'pollo frito'. I then had sex, constantly screaming 'pollo frito' for an hour. I later realized I was screaming "fried chicken." FML

Today, I was going to have sex with my Hispanic boyfriend. I wanted to turn him on, so I asked my friend how to say "fuck me" in Spanish. She claimed it was 'pollo frito'. I then had sex, constantly screaming 'pollo frito' for an hour. I later realized I was screaming "fried chicken." FML

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Today, I found out that my mom goes through my garbage. I'm 25 and don't live with her. FML

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Today, I witnessed my roommate pop a blister with a skewer and casually place it back in the kitchen drawer, before wiping what seeped out with the teatowel. FML

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Today, while eating at an outdoor café, a man on the street came up to me and said, "My girlfriend is sexier than you, bitch." Thanks for the confidence boost. FML

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Today, my step-mom yelled at me for an hour, calling me a slut because our male dog saw me naked. FML

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