Today, I saw my boyfriend shaving his pubic hair before we had sex. This would be fine, except he was saying "Nom nom nom, I eat cock hairs" to his electric razor. FML
Today, having turned 18, I was eager to show my mother some of the clothes I'd like to purchase with my birthday money. I flipped my laptop open only to realise I had left a "Big Latina Booty gets a fat one" window open. Her howling screams of pleasure echoed through my kitchen. FML
Today, I noticed my hidden porn folder on my laptop had been renamed to "LOL". I live with my teenage daughter, and no one else. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were taking a shower together. We were fooling around when she took the shower head and started spraying my penis with it. I asked her, "What are you doing?" Her response, "I'm watering it to make it grow." FML
Today, I had sex with a Juggalo. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were making out when he sweetly whispered in my ear, "It's not gonna suck itself." FML
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