Today, my roommate thought it would be funny to throw a brick down the laundry-chute. Guess who spent the night at the hospital. FML
Today, I asked a girl out. She replied, "Sorry, I'm suddenly a lesbian." FML
Today, I was fiddling around with the thermostat at my new place. For a laugh, I twisted the knob all the way to 40° Celsius, when it snapped off. I don't have a clue how to fix it. FML
Today, just for old time's sake, I decided to jump on my bed. I ended up hitting my head on the spinning fan and knocking myself unconscious. FML
Today, my friends took my work laptop and changed the sounds. Now, whenever I remove a USB device, a woman's voice screams "Put it back!" and when I insert a USB device, it says "Oh, you need to push it in harder!" I don't know how to change it back. FML
Today, on a dimly lit red eye flight, I woke up to see my mom's head bobbing up and down in my dad's lap. I guess giving out stealthy blow jobs next to your sleeping son is no big deal. FML
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