drummaboya

Today, I tried to play with my Wii using the TV remote. FML

Today, I met a cute guy for coffee. Everything was going fine, right up until he started telling me about his alien encounters and super psychic powers. FML

Mother knows best

Today, I was hanging with my boyfriend. When his mom came to pick him up, he introduced me. She talked to me politely and I thought we hit it off very well. As I was walking away, I heard her say, "That's your new girlfriend? Honey, you could do so much better." FML

Today, I had an ultrasound in fear of testicular cancer. I apparently signed papers allowing an intern to do it for practice. She was in her early 20s and smoking hot so as she was rubbing jelly on my testes I got an erection. FML

Today, I found out my mom paid my best friend $20 to be my friend when we were 10. FML

Today, my future father in law motorboated my breasts as I bent down to give him a hug goodbye. The rest of the family stood there laughing. This is what I'm marrying into? FML

Today, I found out that last summer while my girlfriend worked on a Disney Cruise ship, she cheated on me with Tarzan. FML