Today, my friend thought it would be funny to put a pretzel on my forehead while I was sleeping on the beach. I now have a pretzel-shaped tan line in the middle of my head. FML
Today, I was on webcam with my boyfriend and absent-mindedly began sucking on a marker. He jokingly told me it was sexy, so I continued while making obscene gestures and moans. Suddenly he began to look nervous. I turned around to see my dad looking at me, disgusted and confused. FML
Today, I let my boyfriend finger me for the first time. Today, I also learned, after fifteen very, very long minutes of it, how to fake an orgasm. FML
Today, I looked at my house in Google Street View for the first time and noticed an unfamiliar vehicle in the driveway. When I asked my wife about it, she admitted to have an ongoing affair. Apparently the entire world knew my wife was having an affair before I did. FML
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