Today, I learnt that if you accidentally sit on a hamster, instead of dying, it bites your testicles. FML
Today, the bartender pulled me aside and told me that she saw my date slip something into my drink. Who was my date? My husband of four years. FML
Today, I walked into a subway car which was empty except for a sleeping hobo. Three stops later, the guy wakes up and starts peeing in the corner. I ignore it thinking he'll go back to sleep. Silly me, I didn't realize that he would start running towards me, still peeing. FML
Today, I learned that even though they say that an apple a day keeps the doctor away, it doesn't keep him from putting a Q-tip up your ass. FML
Today, I started to type up a mass text to tell a decent amount of my friends that I'd just come home to a surprise from my boyfriend. Trying to fix a typo, I accidentally hit send with the text only saying "Guess what?! I just came." FML
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