Today, I realized the birthmark I have on my chest isn't a birthmark at all; it's a third nipple. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. She's a sock puppet. FML
Today, while discussing having sex for the first time with my boyfriend, I asked what method of birth control we should use. He replied, "Anal." FML
Today, my husband tried to be romantic by throwing me in a bed laid with roses. Too bad he forgot to remove the thorns first. FML
Today, I realized that my pubes are longer than my penis itself. FML
Today, I got circumcised by my zipper. FML
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