Today, I found my drunken roommate asleep in my bed, naked, after he'd peed himself. FML
Today, my math teacher told me to learn how to say "welcome to wal-mart". FML
Today, my father was telling me that one of the benefits about his job was that the family could get discounts, then asked if I'd like some. My dad's a plastic surgeon. FML
Today, I was suspended from work. Some lady went to the manager and told them that I was stalking her, all because I would kindly greet her everyday at the grocery store. I'm the cashier. FML
Today, my new dog unburied my old dog and chewed on his bones. FML
Today, I caught my elderly neighbour skinny-dipping in my pool. FML
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