macrosoft

Today, I signed up for an online dating site. In order to prove I was human and complete my registration, I had to pass a CAPTCHA. Coincidentally enough, the words in it were "depressed" and "loser". FML

Today, I was talking with my uncle, when the subject of my abusive mother-in-law came up. He assured me he'd talk to her and straighten things out. Apparently this means posting on her Facebook wall threatening to "pimp-slap a bitch" if she doesn't get her "fat ass out of family business". FML

Today, I was at a party, when the cops busted us. Since I'm underage, I hid behind a chair for an hour and a half while they breathalyzed everyone and sat them in the same room I was in. The cops left, everyone realized I was behind the chair, and now my nickname is "Anne Frank". FML

Today, the Jehovah's Witnesses witnessed me whacking off on my couch. FML

Today, I jokingly tried to convince my girlfriend that Wyoming was a government conspiracy and did not exist. She believed me. FML

Today, my dog has found a new game he likes. It involves him rolling around on my new bed sheets to build up static electricity and run and poke me with his nose so I get shocked. FML