THX1968

Today, the guy sitting beside me on the bus fell asleep and just drooled on me. FML

Today, I found out my girlfriend's password for okcupid is "i_love_mike". My name is not Mike. FML

Heavy sleeper

Today, I was kicked out of my parents' house, so I ended up sleeping in my truck bed because I had nowhere to go. I was then awoken by a "beep beep beep" noise. I was being towed. FML

Make yourself at home

Today, while waiting at the bus stop, the guy standing near me started peeing on the sidewalk and on my shoes. FML

Keep cool

Today, after searching for a job for over a year now, I finally got an interview. The pressure made me so nervous that I passed out in the middle of it. FML

Today, my 53 year-old art teacher told me she's excited about going clubbing this weekend. I'm excited about watching a special on the History Channel. FML

Today, I had a parent-teacher conference with my 8 year old son. He'd written "Chuck Norris" as the answer for every question on his test. FML

Today, I ate some hardboiled eggs for breakfast, not knowing they were practically rotten. My whole day has consisted of vomit-inducing sulfuric farts and diarrhea. FML