Robesonia 28 years-old In a relationship
Today, I got reverse suspended for correcting my teacher. Now my mom has to go to all my high school classes with me for a week. FML
Today, the hottest girl in the entire freshman class was telling her friend she was going to Florida for Spring Break. She said she would be in the same city as I would, and I couldn't help but say, "Oh, cool! Maybe I'll see you there!" She simply looked at me and said, "I hope not." FML
Today, after finishing a three-page essay for my spanish class, I went to rip up my brainstorming paper in an act of triumph. After I finished ripping it up, I looked on my desk to see my brainstorming paper fully intact, and my essay torn into bits. FML
Today, my dad came home from work complaining about all the people he'd seen. He said he doesn't understand why so many people with problems have to confide in him. He's a psychologist. FML
Today, I regretfully confessed to my parents I have trichotillomania. There was a torturous pause, followed by the question, "Are you gay?" FML
Today, while walking to my car after work, I witnessed some moron who was texting while riding her bike running right into my parked car, resulting in a broken side mirror, a damaged windshield, two dents, and for her, a broken phone and nose. She's threatening to sue me for damages. FML
Today, after years of loaning my mother countless amounts of cash that never get paid back, borrowing $60 from her, and being just one day late paying it off due to food poisoning, she sends a very large man to my door to collect, like she's Tony Soprano. FML
Today, after telling my mother-in-law about my recent miscarriage, she cheerfully made a cake to celebrate. FML
Today, my gran came over for dinner, for which I had to go grab some supplies from the supermarket. I guess I should have locked my laptop, because when I came back, I found my gran had used my Facebook account to propose to my now-ecstatic girlfriend. FML
Today, I was showing my 6-year-old son how easy and safe it is to ride a bike. I didn't notice a pebble, bust up my leg, and my son is now terrified of bicycles. FML
Today, my 6-year-old daughter threw a tantrum in the middle of a store, all because I wouldn't buy her a pushup bra. FML
Today, my dog got out of the house. I was running after him and remembered the old "pretend you're hurt" trick. I got on the ground, and cried out as if I was hurt. My dog just kept running. FML
Today, while refereeing a soccer game, I was accused of being racist, blind, and a fascist by spectators. The game was played by a group of third graders. FML
Today, I had to take my daughter home from school because she had been caught flashing the boys during class. I tried to explain to her that it wasn't an appropriate way to act or behave but she interrupted me, "Mom, you don't even understand." You're right. I don't. FML
Today, I was leading a tour of my university and saw a girl in ripped jeans and combat boots smoking a cigarette. I told her that she shouldn't be representing the school in such a manner. She shot back: "I'm a Presidential Scholar. Suck my dick, bitch." FML
Today, I refused to serve a woman alcohol, as she looked underage. She complained to my manager about "age racism." FML
Today, while taking my toddler for a walk with the dog, he threw a tantrum and rammed one well-aimed finger directly up the poor dog's pooper. FML
Today, at work, I received an email telling me that viewing porn websites was prohibited and was a good enough reason to fire me. FML
Today, my seven-year-old nephew challenged me to a push up contest in front of my girlfriend. He beat me, and then asked my girlfriend why she's dating a pussy. FML
Today, my ex-wife, whom I divorced just 8 months ago, asked me to attend her wedding, because "it would mean a lot" to her. She's marrying the man she cheated on me with. FML
Today, I decided to try Karate. In an attempt to roundhouse-kick a hanging boxing glove, I knocked over a lamp, lost my balance and pulled down my curtains. My neighbor then looked through the window, started laughing and yelled, "KUNG FO POWA!" FML
Today, I tried to help a bird who had broken his wing. I walked straight into a door while looking down at him in my hands, and ended up all but breaking his other wing. FML
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