The Top · The all-time greatest FMLs

Mortified · 31 July 2025, 15:00 ·United States

I hate these machines

Today, the self-checkout machine at the grocery store kept yelling, “PLEASE PLACE ITEM IN BAGGING AREA” while I frantically tried to scan everything. An employee came over and said a bit too loudly, “Ma’am, you have to scan the condoms before bagging them.” Of course there were people around to giggle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 155 You deserved it 433

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Anonymous · 26 August 2023, 14:00 ·United States

Benny Hill theme music starts

Today, I tried to take a cute selfie with a majestic swan by a lake. Just as I was about to take the pic, the swan suddenly got visibly bored of my shit and chased me into the water. I emerged from the lake looking like a soggy, defeated swamp beast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 155 You deserved it 997

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Anonymous · 11 June 2026, 09:00 ·United States

Have fun!

Today, I had to watch my husband and kids go off on our trip to Hawaii without me because I forgot my wallet at home and couldn't afford to take a later flight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 155 You deserved it 437

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Anonymous · 13 November 2025, 03:00

Long time coming, probably

Today, to punish my wife for disrespecting me in front of my friends, I told her I wasn't going to help with the baby tonight. When I woke up, she and my baby were gone with nothing more than a text saying she was speaking to a divorce lawyer. Over one night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 155 You deserved it 1 641

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Department of Redundancy Department · 20 June 2024, 22:00 ·United States

The tautology police

Today, as part of my becoming an adult, my dad taught me how to use an ATM. The irrational anger I suddenly felt when he told me to "Enter your PIN number into the ATM machine" is too much to be described here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 155 You deserved it 673

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Anonymous · 19 April 2025, 20:00 ·New York, United States 🌶️ Spicy

Third wheel

Today, I spent a lot of effort making sure my roommate had a good birthday. We've hooked up in the past, and a mutual friend of ours is staying the night. Also someone I've made out with before. We were hanging out and the vibes were good, but when I initiated a cuddle puddle, they declined. Now they are hooking up without me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 155 You deserved it 401

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Middle Age Divorced Dad · 27 July 2026, 09:00 ·Toronto, Canada

Bad seed

Today, my youngest daughter failed kindergarten. After 3 years of petit section, junior and senior kindergarten, she still doesn't recognize the teacher's authority. For example, when the teachers are trying to line the children up to come in after recess, she's pulling the kids out of the line and yelling, "Run away!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 155 You deserved it 402

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Anonymous · 22 May 2026, 09:00 ·Brisbane, Australia

Thrown for a loop

Today, a cashier at a store was so gorgeous that when she asked if I needed a bag, I grabbed everything and simply said, "Thanks, you too." I dropped something on the way out of the store and I haven't gone back. I've seen her a few times around town and she giggles at me when I pass by. I hate my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 155 You deserved it 328

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Its a gas · 13 June 2025, 00:00 ·Prague, Czechia

Shots fired

Today, I made a pot of chili. My wife came home, sniffed the air, and said, "You're sleeping in the guest room until you eat all that chili. You fart like a trucker and I can't sleep." FML

I agree, your life sucks 155 You deserved it 503

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Anonymous · 11 November 2023, 16:00 ·Germany

Slush

Today, I’m a big fan of healthy supplements, but those algae pills I bought were a definite waste of money. Why? Because they came out of me looking the exact same way they went in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 155 You deserved it 448

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Kelly · 26 August 2023, 16:00

Based surfer dude moment

Today, I was admiring a hot surfer with my friend when he approached us. I was prepared to give him my number but instead he said, “If I was staring at you two in your bikinis the way you two were ogling me, i’d go to jail. I’m old enough to know your dad by the way, have some respect.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 154 You deserved it 1 625

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Anon · 11 November 2023, 04:00 🌶️ Spicy

Bummed out

Today, I tried to tease my boyfriend by pulling my skirt up, bending over, and backing up into him. He gagged and said, "Please, wash your ass." FML

I agree, your life sucks 154 You deserved it 936

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Paulie · 25 November 2023, 05:00 ·Australia

Business on top

Today, I attended a virtual meeting on Zoom. In an effort to appear professional, I wore a business shirt and tie… with my pajama bottoms out of shot under the table. My camera slipped, revealing my mismatched clothes and also my footwear – one sock and one fuzzy slipper. I only noticed after my boss pointed it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 154 You deserved it 601

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Anonymous · 28 November 2025, 15:00

Billie Jean

Today, despite my warnings, my mother continues to go see my ex's son and encourage her to get more child support from me. They both say that because I signed the birth certificate, that makes that baby mine. I don't think he is, and I'm currently with someone else, with my first real son on the way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 154 You deserved it 628

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Anonymous · 11 December 2025, 09:00

Sir, this is a Wendy's

Today, I've been waiting nearly three days for my Amazon delivery order. I knew that Christmas orders were going to swamp Amazon, so I bought two gift cards and a CD that my mom specifically wanted ahead of time. I purchased them on the 4th to be safe. It's now the 10th, I've been charged, but no sign of my order. FML

I agree, your life sucks 154 You deserved it 250

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Anonymous · 29 October 2024, 09:00 ·London, United Kingdom

Falling at the first hurdle

Today, I went to a job interview super early and giddy with enthusiasm. While waiting in the lobby, I struck up a friendly conversation with a bloke who was also waiting around in a suit. I jokingly told him, “Good luck mate, but I’m getting this job.” Turns out he was the hiring manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 154 You deserved it 576

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Anonymous · 15 April 2025, 15:00 ·Melbourne, Australia

So sorry!

Today, I took my dog to the park, and he ran straight into a group of people having a picnic. Naturally, he grabbed the biggest piece of meat in sight and ran off with it. As I chased him, I tripped and fell in front of everyone. My dog then sat and chewed the meat in front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 154 You deserved it 586

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Sad dad · 11 February 2024, 12:00 ·United States

The devil is in the details

Today, I went to court to get custody of my son from my ex. I was denied because I spelled his name wrong on the court filing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 154 You deserved it 1 145

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Anonymous · 17 February 2024, 06:00 ·United States

Green fingers

Today, it's been a week since I bought a "self-watering" plant to make my life easier. Turns out the self-watering feature means the plant waters itself by leaking all over the floor when it's overfilled. Now my apartment is a mini wetland, and my carpet is fucked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 154 You deserved it 580

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poopface82 · 2 July 2024, 16:00 ·United States 🌶️ Spicy

New kink unlocked

Today, I finally convinced my girlfriend, who is embarrassed of her smoking habit and wants to quit, to smoke in front of me to break the shame. I was loving, supportive, and cheerful, and I kissed her after. I also got a boner. Now I wish she wouldn’t quit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 154 You deserved it 660

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Anonymous · 27 December 2024, 22:00 ·United Kingdom

We all grow to become what we hate

Today, I put on my support undies, comfortable shoes, glasses, and my warm cardigan, walked the dog, did some gardening, gossiped with my neighbour, gave their kids some sweets, and ignored my husband because I’m mad at him. That’s when I realised I really have turned into my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 154 You deserved it 624

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Anonymous · 21 July 2025, 20:00 ·United Kingdom

This is fine

Today, I was dealing with my nightmares quite efficiently by drinking right before I go to sleep, presto, no nightmares and no problems when I woke up. My girlfriend decided to make a whole issue of it by telling my parents, who planned an intervention and want me to waste time seeing a therapist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 154 You deserved it 634

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Anonymous · 11 August 2024, 20:00 ·Toronto, Canada

Dr Phil

Today, I was in a crowded elevator and, like any sane person, eavesdropped on the couple in front of me. The guy was breaking up with his girlfriend, and she was crying. As they got off, I patted her on the back and said, "You can do better, honey." It wasn’t until the doors closed that I realized I had just encouraged my boss's wife to leave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 154 You deserved it 565

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Anonymous · 29 December 2024, 22:00 ·United States

Kitchen nightmare

Today, I tried to open a jar by tapping the lid on the counter. I tapped it so hard, the jar shattered, and I now have more spaghetti sauce on my pyjama pants than in the pot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 154 You deserved it 464

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Ethan · 29 January 2025, 00:00 ·London, United Kingdom

Hang in there

Today, I leaned back in my chair during a meeting to appear (and feel) more relaxed. Instead, the chair tipped over, and I went down like a tree in slow motion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 154 You deserved it 473

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Anonymous · 20 September 2026, 03:00 ·Columbus, United States

Footsie

Today, I decided to try the Facebook dating profile. I met up with a guy, we had a great vibe and we were talking when I started rubbing his feet. He left and a bit later he texted me, telling me he had a great time, but to "never touch his fucking feet again" and blocked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 154 You deserved it 521

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Carloly · 14 April 2025, 03:00 ·United States

Bad romance

Today, a guy I’ve been dating for a while surprised me with tickets to see my favorite singer, Lady Gaga, for my birthday. I was about to tell him I can’t see him anymore because I fell for someone else at work, and it wouldn’t be fair to string him along. FML

I agree, your life sucks 154 You deserved it 595

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Bro · 9 July 2026, 15:00 ·United States

Got milk?

Today, I tried to discreetly smell a carton of milk to see if it had gone bad. I squeezed it a little too hard and it sprayed directly into my face. My roommate walked into the kitchen at that exact moment, then silently walked back out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 154 You deserved it 258

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Anonymous · 27 November 2025, 22:00

Nice try, buster

Today, my four year-old wants to throw out all his toys and get new ones for Christmas. His reasoning is that if he throws them away, there will be space for all new toys. He doesn't understand sustainability or environment. He's been explaining this calmly over and over again for two hours now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 154 You deserved it 368

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Anonymous · 13 September 2024, 09:00 ·United States

That one bad friend

Today, the woman I am absolutely in love with will only be my friend. I wish I could get her to understand how much it hurts to see her with boyfriends, and only be friends. I'm starting to feel like I can't maintain this friendship because it hurts so much. I don't know what to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 154 You deserved it 844

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