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The all-time greatest FMLs

Snotty

By Snot monster - 29/08/2025 03:00 - Poland

Today, after days of nasal congestion, I stifled a sneeze. It went out my nose, blowing out a massive spray of green gunk, streaked with blood. This happened at a meeting, splattering the table in front of me with green bloody mucus. The other attendees looked horrified and one ran to vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 374

You deserved it 151

Kinda sus

By Anonymous - 19/04/2023 22:00 - United States - Bossier City

Today, I yet again dreamt of the girl I loved in elementary school. She isn’t the woman I wound up marrying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 374

You deserved it 712

Indifference

By sad - 13/01/2025 12:00 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I got a new haircut and style. Feeling pretty. My husband got home and is not even a little interested. FML

I agree, your life sucks 374

You deserved it 171

More cheese

By Anonymous - 19/05/2025 22:00 - United States

Today, while I was babysitting, one of the kids looked at me very seriously and asked, “Why do you have sad eyes like my dad did after he lost all his money?” I don’t even know the kid’s dad. I just wanted to make mac and cheese. FML

I agree, your life sucks 374

You deserved it 87

Clueless

By Anonymous - 28/05/2026 03:00 - United States

Today, I told my crush I liked him. Instead of rejecting me or telling me that he might have felt similar, he decided to pretend to be dumb and clueless and just kept asking who my crush was. I found out later that he knew all along but he just wanted to ragebait me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 374

You deserved it 92

High potential

By Anonymous - 15/01/2026 12:00

Today, my youngest was recognized as a genius. My older two are now upset because they don’t think it’s fair and my husband is moaning because he thinks we’re now going to be stuck raising Sheldon Cooper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 374

You deserved it 85

Bad joke, dude!

By Peterrulesall - This FML is from back in 2020 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, as a joke, I put a picture of a sonogram on my girlfriend's Facebook. Now her entire family hates me, and her mother has started the two-hour drive to come pull her out of college. Whoops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 374

You deserved it 3 489

I'll get the kettle on

By Anonymous - 22/10/2024 12:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I got locked out of my house while wearing pyjamas. I didn’t have my phone, so I had to ask my neighbour to call a locksmith. She insisted on chatting at me for an hour about her love life, while I sat there waiting desperately for the locksmith in my dinosaur-print pyjamas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 374

You deserved it 197

Statistics

By Trish - 02/06/2025 03:00 - United States

Today, I went on a virtual date with someone I met on a hyper-personalized dating app. It turns out that the app matched me with my ex. Again. Because, apparently, “statistically, you two have so much in common, and also unresolved issues.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 374

You deserved it 106

Smoothie with a kick

By Anonymous - 02/07/2021 02:01 - Germany

Today, I made myself a smoothie with fruits and wild greens, which tasted much better than it looked, so I licked the splashes off the blender’s lid. Including a stray leaf that didn’t get blended. Which turned out to be stinging nettle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 374

You deserved it 909

Proud father

By Anonymous - 01/03/2024 12:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my daughter came home in actual tears because a guy from college “dared”, yes “dared” to turn her down. She then went on a rant about how he “claimed to have a girlfriend” and “clearly doesn’t know how popular she is.” Clearly, I’ve raised a Mean Girl with a future as a 3-time divorcee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 374

You deserved it 568

Down the hole we go

By Anonymous - 12/02/2022 18:00 - United States - Carmichael

Today, I found out I might have been exposed to HPV. So what do I do? End up in the internet self-diagnosis rabbit hole. Now I'm convinced I have something. FML

I agree, your life sucks 374

You deserved it 791

Gooners rise up

By Meanwhile we barely ever fuck - 06/07/2025 00:00 - United States

Today, my boyfriend left his laptop open, signed into a chat program. I learned why he started working out and eating right. Not to look good for me or be healthier. No, he planned his entire diet and exercise plan so he could shoot the biggest loads possible during "goon sessions." FML

I agree, your life sucks 374

You deserved it 147

I'll make my own way

By Anonymous - 02/03/2022 06:00 - United Kingdom - Preston

Today, my daughter is too crafty for her own good: she found out I was planning on driving her to her first date to meet a boy, so she let the air out of my car tyres, removed my bike chain, and even stole my bus pass. I taught her well. Well played daughter, well played. FML

I agree, your life sucks 374

You deserved it 1 481

Overprotective

By swollenego - 02/08/2025 12:00 - United States

Today, as I was walking out of a park, I bent to examine a mosquito bite I had. As I looked up, I noticed a nearby couple staring and whispering in abject horror before calling their kids over to get bug-sprayed, pointing me out. Terrified, they immediately complied. It’s not even my worst bite. FML

I agree, your life sucks 374

You deserved it 86

Never felt more lonely

By Anonymous - 29/07/2025 00:00 - United Kingdom - Swindon

Today, I was in my local supermarket's frozen aisle and I started doing a little dance of joy because my favorite ice cream was on sale. I turned around to see my ex and his new girlfriend watching me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 374

You deserved it 256

Carny

By Yikes - 28/09/2025 20:00

Today, my 4 year-old son learned that burgers and chicken tenders are made from cows and chickens. I braced myself for the tantrum, only to hear, "They're yummy. Can we turn the cat into a burger? What do squirrels and dogs turn into?" Now I'm scared of my kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 374

You deserved it 131

Uber karma

By Anonymous - 01/07/2021 11:01 - Australia - Kenwick

Today, I dropped off my visibly-upset Uber passengers off at a funeral. I absentmindedly said, “Good luck, have fun!” as they got out. Needless to say, I got my first 1-star rating today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 374

You deserved it 1 113

Thanks, asshole

By God dammit - 06/12/2025 20:00

Today, the new guy at my workplace was on his phone so much that he has become solely responsible for a new rule: no one is allowed to have their phone on their person, except on breaks. So, I guess that if my severely disabled mom ever has an emergency at home, she'll have to fend for herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 374

You deserved it 76

Gentry

By Hannay - 13/08/2026 20:00 - Canada - Montreal

Today, I bought a somewhat rundown house and started working on restoring it, cutting the grass, and doing exterior work. People from the neighborhood have asked me to stop, saying I'm "gentrifying" and "erasing the neighborhood character." I wasn't aware neglect and graffiti counted as character. FML

I agree, your life sucks 373

You deserved it 62

Empty seat

By Anonymous - 28/01/2026 20:00

Today, I booked a flight to see my girlfriend. At least I thought she was coming, the flight isn't cancellable because I was broke and could only afford the minimum ticket. I just wanted to make her happy. Well, it's now four days before the flight and I haven't heard from her for a week. I've been left on 'delivered', thinking at 4 am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 373

You deserved it 110

Infrastructure

By Anonymous - 14/07/2025 00:00 - United Kingdom - Swindon

Today, I was using a public toilet stall when the lock gave way, and the door swung open halfway. I froze, and the person who was washing his hands at the sinks looked at me in the mirror and awkwardly said, “I see you.” I muttered, “I’m sorry,” as he walked out looking like he'd seen a ghost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 373

You deserved it 104

It's the new sensation sweeping the nation

By Anonymous - 22/07/2026 12:00 - United States

Today, I came home to see five teens, my kitchen counters covered in an assortment of greens and berries, and a camera. They were filming themselves stuffing their faces for what they called the “leaky butt challenge”, trying to see if any of them caught the bug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 373

You deserved it 96

One step at a time

By shengming - 05/07/2025 22:00 - China

Today, I was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome. Although I am very happy in a sense and feel that there is finally an explanation for the past, this issue is not conducive to my adjustment to society. FML

I agree, your life sucks 373

You deserved it 101

Fake it til you make it

By Carl - 08/12/2020 02:02 - Australia - Abbotsford

Today, I was working from home alone while my wife was at her office. I decided that instead of having a healthy lunch at home, I would walk to the fast food place a block over. I didn't realise that my fitness tracker would automatically log this as "Exercise (walk)." My wife clicked "Like" underneath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 373

You deserved it 937

Healthcare is broken

By kimraye20 - 20/03/2026 00:00

Today, I've found out I developed carpal tunnel in my right hand and need surgery. On top of that I have degenerative arthritis in my left hip, which needs immediate surgery as well. I haven’t met my $5,000 insurance deductible and have to pay out of pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 373

You deserved it 75

Lonely girl

By MrBougie - 25/02/2024 20:00 - United States

Today, I bought a 37-pound sex doll on Amazon, just so I could cuddle it and cry myself to sleep, until she decides if she wants a divorce in three months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 373

You deserved it 350

Stressed out

By Anonymous - 21/04/2024 16:00 - United States

Today, I realized that being chronically stressed since I was 12 has made me look older than I am. I used to be the youngest looking kid in my high school. That lead to me being ignored and mistaken for an innocent kid, causing me stress. As a 25 year-old adult, I work my ass off just to survive, causing me stress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 373

You deserved it 166

Emergency!

By Not again!!! - 07/04/2025 20:00 - United States - Spokane

Today, I had a major digestive emergency while at work. I rushed to the bathroom, just to realize there were no toilet paper rolls left. In a moment of desperation, I used the last few pages of my notebook to make do. Now I’m terrified of what’s going to happen if my boss ever asks for the reports I wrote in that notebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 373

You deserved it 106

Inferiority complex

By jakob the small twink - 22/09/2024 22:00 - United States - Fallbrook

Today, I pulled up to a party/house rave. I was told there were a decent amount of women there. I guess they'd all left by the time I arrived. The only girl I saw there was my ex-girlfriend, who left me without a trace last month, dancing with a bunch of guys who were all physically way bigger than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 373

You deserved it 179

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The Top

Today, I got engaged to the most wonderful man in the world. I excitedly called my mom to tell her the great news, thinking she'd be excited too. Her only response? "Oh." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 100

You deserved it 1 131

Today, I announced to my coworkers that I'd "fixed the massive problem" they'd all been complaining about. Eleven different people made guesses at what the problem had been, ranging from how bad I smell to if I had learned to brush my teeth. I just meant that I'd fixed the coffee machine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 920

You deserved it 8 686

Today, after volunteering all day at the homeless shelter, I was mugged on my way to my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 012

You deserved it 3 578

Today, I was able to land a nice apartment solely based on the fact that my puppy is potty trained. During the required pet interview, my dog 'got sick' and defecated all over the apartment office. I now have to clean the mess knowing that I will not be allowed to live there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 535

You deserved it 4 304

Today, my 6-year-old son was being charming by smiling and batting his eyelashes at me. When I asked him, "What?" he replied, "When you die, can I have your hair?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 615

You deserved it 181

Today, I was telling my kids off for some misbehaviour when my wife chimed in that in all honestly, they were just behaving like I do most days. I had zero defence to that because it’s true. I've now got a wife and three kids who won’t stop mocking me FML

I agree, your life sucks 82

You deserved it 553