Today, I woke up happy because I'd met the man of my dreams at a bar. We had shared an amazing night together. I walked around my apartment, wondering where he'd went. Turns out, he was gone. So was my car. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I met a great guy at the bar, and we went back to my place. He left before I woke up, leaving a badly-scrawled note saying, "Gone to work, call me!" I couldn't make out the number. FML
Today, my boyfriend didn't come home from a night of drinking with the boys again, so I told him that I was packing my things and I wouldn't be here when he came home. After all my things were packed, I realized he drove my car to the bar. FML
Today, I planned to go on a date with a man I met online. He came to my apartment to pick me up, and I told him I'd be right out as I grabbed my purse. When I got outside, he was gone. FML
Today, I met a girl at a bar. After buying her a few drinks, we decided to head back to her place. Not wanting to leave either of our cars, I followed her home. While driving, she sent me text because she missed her exit. I tried to text her back something witty and instead rear ended her. FML
Today, I woke up early, showered, dressed, and made the 40 minute drive to work, only to discover when I arrived that today was my day off. When I got home my live in boyfriend was gone. I called and he told me he was at the beach, right near my work. FML
Today, I finally went on a date with the girl I'm in love with. After dinner we went to the bar for drinks and things were going great. Right up until she went home with another guy. FML
Today, after months of dinners, coffees, drinks, and a few nights together, the girl of my dreams told me about this awesome guy she met yesterday. FML
Today, my car broke down. Yesterday, my husband mentioned he found my dream car for sale, but I'd insisted my car had a lot of miles left and we should save money. They sold my dream car this morning. Now I'm carless. FML
Today, I met a girl at the bar. Things were going really well and we ended up going back to her place. Problem? Her husband who normally works the graveyard shift was home sick. FML
Today, I went for a drive to clear my head of relationship issues. That night, I got pulled over. Lost the car and my license. I texted my girlfriend, saying I was sorry; she left. Lost her too. FML
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Top comments
thisismyname_fml 1
Bringing a stranger into your apartment after one night of seeing him in bar? Instead of "FML my car was stolen" it should be "Thank God I wasn't raped, beaten, and left for dead."
Edmund_Dantes 0
Any story that starts out "I met the man of my dreams at a bar" is something you deserved.
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Comments (62)
Melanie_fml 0
Make a doctor's appt. he might have left you something to remember him by. :(
ThatNutellaTho 6
Breakfast In bed Maybe .. ..
sillypun 0
that shit is Hiiiiiiii-larious. When I am single again I'm totally gonna pull the GTA. I'm going to take your macbook too.
munchly 17
when you're single again? don't have much faith in your relationship eh?
Crazyjoe33 6
nice one
subiedude08 17
#6 are you retarded?
Iwetmyself 0
LOL You are crazy.
Unsuprised 0
It's my car now, biznatch.
Edmund_Dantes 0
Any story that starts out "I met the man of my dreams at a bar" is something you deserved.
genius_man16 1
agreed. OP: you are a complete idiot
anonymous100000 17
definitely a YDI.
thisismyname_fml 1
Bringing a stranger into your apartment after one night of seeing him in bar? Instead of "FML my car was stolen" it should be "Thank God I wasn't raped, beaten, and left for dead."
sillypun 0
#11 -- doesnt sound like it would have been rape. everything else applies though.
Amanyyyyyy 29
You never know what goes through peoples' heads... Especially random ones you meet at a bar, who are presumably drunk.
Seegtease 0
He's a fool. You know exactly what he looks like, and he stole your car. He will almost for sure get caught. I'm sure you know his name, or at least a fake name. It can go a long ways. You also have about a billion fingerprints around your house. Again, he's a fool.
jonathanbirriel 0
I agree with #6. This is one of the funniest things I've read in a long time. I am going to have to remember this the next time I'm feeling burned by women. I know it sucks, but at least you brightened up my day.
Eir_fml 1
**** his shit up. Get him to go to jail.