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The all-time greatest FMLs

Simple pleasures

By Anonymous - 25/07/2023 06:00 - United States - Rowlett

Today, I just found out that my local drag strip, where the best races in my area were held, is being shut down to build a truck stop. It was sold out of nowhere, with no warning. It was the one thing that I actually looked forward to every week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 693

You deserved it 208

Word salad

By Mardy Shaber - 19/12/2020 20:02

Today, my dad was so dizzy, he couldn't get out of bed. I called his doctor but sadly I confused the word "vertigo" with "libido." The doctor may have been impressed but offered me no helpful suggestions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 693

You deserved it 420

Bad timing

By Anonymous - 02/06/2023 22:00

Today, a month into exercising for the first time in years to get summer body for vacation, the sudden exertion pushed back my period. If I'd sat on my ass, my period would have been on time this month, and over next month before my vacation started. I was really looking forward to period-free vacation. Not anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 693

You deserved it 223

By Nelga - 03/04/2016 04:37 - Islamic Republic of Iran - Gostar

Today, faced with the problem of my children fighting over which one of them was going to sit in the middle in the car’s back seat, I suggested that they take turns. Now, they’re fighting about who got to sit there the longest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 693

You deserved it 93

Sensitive

By Anonymous - 19/02/2024 09:00

Today, even though I told my son I had vegan burgers for him, he brought enough vegan food for everyone at a barbecue, and tried to get everyone to try it. Not one person ate a damn bit of it, and he’s now crying, all while blocking our drive with his car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 693

You deserved it 241

Grey's Anatomy

By baow - 17/03/2019 14:00

Today, I met this girl on a party and things were going really well. We ended up getting it on in my room and I was about to do my thing after confidently having bragged the whole night that I was the inspiration of the 50 shades of Grey series. Well, guess who got a whiskey dick… FML

I agree, your life sucks 693

You deserved it 3 777

GTFO dude

By Outta shape - 06/02/2024 20:00 - United States

Today, my husband is leaving me for another woman because, and I quote, “She can ride dick longer than two minutes and doesn’t have two chins looking down on me while doing it.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 693

You deserved it 337

Vyagrha

By Anonymous - 12/06/2021 13:59

Today, I finally finished a drawing of a tiger. The only thing left to do is write the word "Tiger" in Sanskrit and glitter on the portrait, because I thought it would look cool. Only to find out, the Sanskrit word for tiger is "Viagra." No, I'm not kidding. This portrait took me numerous tries and several weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 693

You deserved it 400

Relationship specialist

By Anonymous - 16/10/2023 13:00

Today, I attended a family reunion, during which my grandma gave me "relationship advice" in front of everyone. She's been married five times, and her longest marriage lasted a whole 6 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 693

You deserved it 92

Link?

By Anonymous - 26/04/2023 03:00

Today, while sprinting, I tripped, fell, and somehow managed to kick myself in the balls. Legs shouldn’t bend like that and I’m frankly amazed I didn’t break my knee. My wife got the whole thing on video too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 693

You deserved it 144

Toxic AF

By Anonymous - 10/08/2025 00:00 - United States

Today, my now ex-boyfriend begged me not to take an amazing promotion at my job. He reasoned that he’d be emasculated and humiliated if he had a girlfriend that outranked and out-earned him. I had to celebrate alone as my whole family lives in another state. Congrats to me but also, FML

I agree, your life sucks 692

You deserved it 116

Not today, thank you

By Anonymous - 02/03/2022 00:01

Today, I tried reaching out to a girl on Facebook I thought I ended on good terms with after three dates. Not only did she not accept my friend request, she also disabled all friend requests. FML

I agree, your life sucks 692

You deserved it 356

Caught in 4K

By Anonymous - 03/09/2024 09:00 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I finally caught the person who has now and again been stealing my lunch at work for weeks. It was my boss. I awkwardly watched him eat my sandwich while he talked about how he's been "saving money by bringing food from home." FML

I agree, your life sucks 692

You deserved it 99

Maybe it's a "you" problem

By Mindy - 15/06/2023 12:00

Today, I realized that every guy I get with or try a relationship with always ghosts me or friendzones me, and chooses to date someone else. It’s been a repetitive pattern for the past three years or so. I think I’m just going to adopt a bunch of pets and forget dating altogether. FML

I agree, your life sucks 692

You deserved it 233

My finest hour

By Anonymous - 25/04/2023 00:00

Today, I presented the worst seminar presentation probably in the entire history of my graduate department. I kept stumbling over questions, and overall, making an ass out of myself. I probably should leave my masters program at how thoroughly I burned myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 692

You deserved it 221

Oddly suspicious

By Brittany - 17/04/2024 14:00 - United States

Today, I began noticing a certain female name popping up on my husband’s social media notifications,so I asked him about it. He got irrationally upset at the fact that I pronounced her name wrong, told me she’s “nobody”, then said, “I hate it when you accuse me of shit!” I didn’t even accuse him of anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 692

You deserved it 94

Wrecked

By Anonymous - 16/04/2023 22:00 - Albania

Today, I crashed my brother's car. All my friends know about this and not a single person has ask if I'm OK, even my dad and brother don't seem to be worried about me. Only my mother and I are sad because I don't know how to pay for a new car, the old one is in pieces. Thank god I'm alive but maybe dead would've been better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 692

You deserved it 400

The secret

By Anonymous - 20/12/2023 22:00 - United States

Today, my husband of 35 years told me he had an affair with his secretary in 1995, when I was home with 3 preschoolers. At the time, the phone system required that the secretary pick up, so I was saying hello to her like a fool. I had no idea at the time. He would just come home and tell me how hard his job was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 692

You deserved it 198

It's so sad

By Anothercatlady - 05/08/2022 00:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I realised how emotionally unstable I am when I got really upset at the start of the game Stray when the cat got separated from its group. FML

I agree, your life sucks 692

You deserved it 270

Baby please come home

By Anonymous - 07/03/2023 00:00 - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Today, I accidentally locked myself out of my apartment while taking the trash out, without my phone. I had to wait outside for three hours until my flatmate came home from work to let me back in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 692

You deserved it 253

Living in a treehouse?

By Outandaway - 27/08/2023 20:00

Today, I was gently awoken by my daylight alarm clock. So were about 15 wasps that had started building their nest underneath my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 692

You deserved it 120

Hey human, I'm right here

By Not now - 12/09/2022 11:00 - United States

Today, I've realized that my cat doesn't give me the time of day, unless I'm trying to do something that's difficult with a cat present, or at the very least makes it impossible for me to give him attention. Then he's all over me. It's a vicious cycle, with no end in sight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 692

You deserved it 348

Johnny Weissmuller over here

By Anonymous - 14/05/2020 20:02

Today, I was walking in the woods with the girl I like when I saw a vine overhanging a small creek. Trying to make her laugh, I took off my shirt and started swinging on the vine like Tarzan. The vine snapped and I fell into the creek. Guess who's missing half the skin on his back? FML

I agree, your life sucks 692

You deserved it 2 375

Infuriating

By Anonymous - 29/11/2024 22:00 - United States - Oceanside

Today, I've been with my girlfriend for almost six years and its been years since we had sex. I’m only 25. I’ve had a lot of urges and every time I’ve tried to start something she brushes it off. It's to the point where every sex scene I see in a movie makes me sad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 692

You deserved it 345

Messed up country

By Anonymous - 13/06/2025 20:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my absentee dad died in America and some branch of the American government decided that I need to settle his debts. "Which debts?" you ask. Unpaid child support. Yes, America wants me to pay them my own child support, despite never meeting my dad or even once setting foot in America. FML

I agree, your life sucks 692

You deserved it 79

Treat yourself

By I'll never understand - 13/01/2024 22:00 - Moldova

Today, my wife spent a ton of money she took from me for a very expensive lingerie because, "it makes her feel more feminine and beautiful." Again. All this stuff just gathers dust in her drawers, and she keeps wearing the same ugly raggedy underwear for 3-4 days in a row, which is actually disgusting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 692

You deserved it 147

Brain worms

By Anonymous - 17/07/2024 00:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my manager yelled at me for not supporting Trump, who "obviously is the best choice for president right now." We don’t even live in America, we live in England. FML

I agree, your life sucks 691

You deserved it 147

In the dark

By Anonymous - 21/01/2021 02:02 - Canada - Kitchener

Today, since I've been falling for the girl I've been sleeping with for the past couple of months, I decided it was time for us to talk about making things official and exclusive. I was confident she'd feel the same way. Then I found out she's an escort. FML

I agree, your life sucks 691

You deserved it 1 188

Hell no!

By Anonymous - 14/03/2024 22:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my wife opted for a home birth with a nurse and her mother. Her mother is such a baby-feral, men-are-bastards, hippie feminist dragon that not only did she yell at me when I tried to be in the room, she has now pushed me out of the house. I ended up sat in my car with only one shoe and no phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 691

You deserved it 218

Can't turn it off

By Anonymous - 28/11/2021 23:01

Today, I got a new job where one of my co-workers is someone I have been in love with for over 5 years now. She's married but my feelings for her just won't go away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 691

You deserved it 801

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The Top

Today, I yawned so hard that I dislocated my jaw completely, then had to ask to be excused from class in front of 30 people with my mouth hanging open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 782

You deserved it 1 970

Today, in the middle of a hot air balloon ride with my girlfriend, I asked her to marry me. She said no. The rest of the ride was the most awkward two hours of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 759

You deserved it 4 480

Today, I turned 21. It's also the day I learned how it feels to have my foot and leg set on fire by a drunken idiot who thought it was a great idea to splash lighter fluid into an open-pit bonfire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 700

You deserved it 2 729

Today, I was pulled over by the cops for a random breathalyzer test. They asked to see my license. I always keep my wallet in my car for situations like this. I received a $100 ticket because my mum apparently didn’t think it was a good idea to keep my wallet in the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 406

You deserved it 7 100

Today, I was called by my 9 year old son's teacher. He had handcuffed himself to his desk with handcuffs he found in my room. I was told to please bring in the key and not to leave my kinky toys out where a child could get them. I'm a cop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 107 666

You deserved it 10 246

Today, my husband started his midlife crisis with a bang, or rather several bangs, as he admitted that there are two women out there pregnant with his babies. Oh, and he quit his job to escape the daily grind. Oh, and he remortgaged the house to buy a truck so we could go cross country. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 499

You deserved it 111