Today, I finally caught the person who has now and again been stealing my lunch at work for weeks. It was my boss. I awkwardly watched him eat my sandwich while he talked about how he's been "saving money by bringing food from home." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, for what has seemed to be the hundredth time, my labeled bagged lunch was stolen from the fridge at my workplace. I stormed into my boss's office ready to complain, only to find him eating it. FML
Today, I got a talking-to at work from my new manager for eating other peoples' lunches. Immediately afterwards, I watched my manager leave the room, take MY lunch, and begin eating it. Apparently my new manager is the thief, and I'm now the office pariah who gets the blame. Nobody believes me. FML
Today, during lunch, my coworker offered me her food, claiming she was full. I was still quite hungry, so I accepted it. Halfway through eating the sandwiches, my boss walked in and started interrogating people over who took his lunch. I quickly realized I was the one eating it. FML
Today, I realized the person I had been habitually stealing bag lunches from at work made me a canned dog food sandwich. FML
Today, I overheard my coworkers talking about how someone has been stealing lunches from the office fridge. Feeling guilty, I admitted that I took a sandwich yesterday, thinking it was free. Turns out, they were joking to see who’d confess. FML
Today, I have been victimised by a lunch thief at work for months, despite numerous complaints to management, so I exposed the thief by lacing my curry with that old classic, laxatives. Even though my coworker was caught brown-handed shitting himself, I was the one suspended for making him sick. FML
Today, my boss went out for a few hours. My coworkers saw this as an opportunity to take a 2 hour lunch without getting caught. I stayed at the office to answer the phone, while streaming videos which is a big no no. My boss came back early and caught me, they're all still taking lunch. FML
Today, someone had been stealing my brownie at work every day, so I sprinkled cocolax on one and waited to find out who the culprit was. Turns out it was my manager. Needless to say, I'm fired. FML
Today, I knew my coworker was stealing my lunch, so I made a sandwich with tons of incredibly spicy peppers. He took a bite, shrieked in pain, and ran off sobbing. Unfortunately, he was also in an emergency meeting with an important client, so now my whole department looks like a bunch of morons. FML
Today, there's a food thief in our office who manages to steal from the fridge without being caught, and everyone keeps blaming me, probably because I’m the fattest. I have a gastric band and can only eat a few mouthfuls before being full, but still people think I’m stealing entire bags of food. FML
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Top comments
tiptoppc 21
Time to start the sabotage. I suggest carolina reaper jelly on PB&J or using habaneros finely ground up in some ketchup and bringing it as a decoy lunch. Make two of these, one tainted, one not. Keep non-tainted in a different area so as not to provoke suspicion, then when your boss howls in pain, talk to him about a new diet you started with very hot peppers which lets you lose a ton of weight by ******** yourself thin with poisonous amounts of hot stuff. Then ask him what’s wrong?
Yudith 28
Now is the time to start losing weight by putting laxatives in your food. Don't forget to put your (healthy) snacks in your desk drawer!
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Comments (3)
tiptoppc 21
Time to start the sabotage. I suggest carolina reaper jelly on PB&J or using habaneros finely ground up in some ketchup and bringing it as a decoy lunch. Make two of these, one tainted, one not. Keep non-tainted in a different area so as not to provoke suspicion, then when your boss howls in pain, talk to him about a new diet you started with very hot peppers which lets you lose a ton of weight by ******** yourself thin with poisonous amounts of hot stuff. Then ask him what’s wrong?
Earl_KarmasBitch 36
Poison the next sandwich. Then you can become the boss.
Yudith 28
Now is the time to start losing weight by putting laxatives in your food. Don't forget to put your (healthy) snacks in your desk drawer!