Today, I made it all the way up the stairs without collecting up all the shit my wife had left there during the morning. Instead of rewarding me for not falling over it, she cursed me for not understanding her puzzling redistribution system. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, after finally convincing my wife to let me donate the piles of junk lying around, I was backing out of the driveway with a full load when she ran out going, "Wait, wait!" She wants to go through everything and try to sell it. Back to square fucking one. FML
Today, I cleaned up my dog's crap after my wife asked me. Five minutes later she yelled at me for being lazy as she slammed the door leaving for work. My dog had shat in the exact same spot, apparently to make me look stupid. FML
Today, my wife can barely contain her rage at me for throwing out her collection of unique glass bottles, which she was saving for gifting and decoration. I'd feel more guilt if she hadn't been storing them in a box underneath our sink mixed with recyclables. FML
Today, after weeks of my girlfriend complaining that I don't help with the chores, I secretly took a day off work to deal with some that were piling up. When she got home, all she could do was complain about how I hadn't done more. FML
Today, my wife yelled at me for being a bastard and not caring about her needs. I felt like an asshole and apologized for everything. It took me a few hours to realize I'd basically just apologized for unknowingly hanging the toilet paper the "wrong way" for her OCD. FML
Today, I felt accomplished after I cleaned the whole house alone, but then I stepped backwards to admire my work and stepped into a pile of dog poop. FML
Today, my wife yelled at me for putting away her rain coat and two sweaters that were hanging on the back of chairs. Because, “I was about to do that!” My mistake. They had only been there for a week. Ah, marital bliss. FML
Today, I got home and my wife asked me why I hadn’t taken the bin out or cleaned the living room. I asked her why she hadn’t done it since she got fired 6 months ago for laziness and since then has sat on her ass watching daytime TV instead of job searching. She threw a mug at my face. FML
Today, I was helping my wife bring in the groceries. She was able to carry 4 bags and a jug of milk. I was struggling with 2 bags. FML
Today, I spent the day busting my butt to clean the house. As I tumbled into bed at the end of the day, exhausted, my wife looked at me and said, "Maybe you can get something done tomorrow?" FML
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Top comments
Chazzster 32
I am willing to bet that your wife has communicated to you before that when she puts things at the bottom of the stairs she wants it taken upstairs… I’m not saying that stacking stuff on the stairs is a good idea, just that you probably already knew the message she was sending, so there is no reason to be surprised…
Battousai124 9
Sounds like the wonderful beginning of a hoarders episode.
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Comments (3)
Chazzster 32
I am willing to bet that your wife has communicated to you before that when she puts things at the bottom of the stairs she wants it taken upstairs… I’m not saying that stacking stuff on the stairs is a good idea, just that you probably already knew the message she was sending, so there is no reason to be surprised…
RichardPencil 32
A redistribution system? Is your wife trying to invent a new form of socialism? You'd better learn it or you may end up in the proletartiat and get screwed!
Battousai124 9
Sounds like the wonderful beginning of a hoarders episode.