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The all-time greatest FMLs

Bad admin

By selmar wick - 03/12/2021 05:01 - Angola

Today, my bank sent me a message, saying that they'd disabled my account. To reactivate it, I need the account number, and I can't find it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 815

You deserved it 262

Old memories

By Will T - 01/09/2021 01:01

Today, I pulled a groin muscle. While cleaning the cat litter box. The last time this happened, I was playing high school football. 40 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 815

You deserved it 126

Weight Watchers

By jjgirl - 01/11/2020 05:02

Today, I proudly announced to my mother that I would cut down on sugar. Without missing a beat, her response was, “Out. You need to cut it out.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 815

You deserved it 365

Parents of the year

By Anonymous - 07/02/2025 15:00

Today, I got to experience the rare pleasure of overhearing my divorcing parents admit that neither of them want full custody of me, or even shared custody, and then planning to guilt one of my grandparents into accepting custody instead. God I hate them both. FML

I agree, your life sucks 815

You deserved it 105

By Anonymous - 15/12/2012 08:52 - United States - Lakewood

Today, my brother paid the DJ $300 to ruin my wedding by playing the Imperial Death March as I walked down the aisle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 815

You deserved it 99

Good intentions

By Anonymous - 16/08/2021 14:01 - Indonesia - Bekasi

Today, I asked someone to work with me because I felt sorry for her. Turns out, she isn't at all helpful and refuses to work after school, just because she would miss her "beauty nap". She also made up dumb excuses for why she couldn't help me or the others. I wonder why no one wanted to be in a group with her… FML

I agree, your life sucks 814

You deserved it 145

Shy

By Dan - 13/12/2021 14:01 - United States

Today, I discovered the guy I like will be working with me in PE for the school year. He’s straight. I’m awkward. FML

I agree, your life sucks 814

You deserved it 246

Describes most people, really

By Anonymous - 04/08/2022 14:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my mom called me an auntie, as in a "fun aunt that nieces and nephews love to spend time with, but would be a complete disaster as a real mom, in no way, shape or form fit to actually raise a child responsibly." Dad agreed. So did my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 814

You deserved it 317

Posturing

By Anonymous - 05/08/2021 08:01 - Canada

Today, I researched how to manage chronic tailbone pain from excessive sitting. One of the most consistent pieces of advice was to lean forward when working. My posture is already so bad, my chiropractor says I'm one of his worst clients of all time. I work a desk job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 814

You deserved it 201

The love boat

By Anonymous - 29/01/2023 16:30

Today, I boarded my very first cruise, in order to relax and unwind for week-long vacation. However, when I got on the ship, I found out that I get seasick REALLY easily. FML

I agree, your life sucks 814

You deserved it 163

Taco Tuesday Struggles...

By FML Approved - 01/08/2017 18:32 - France - Paris

Taco Tuesday is a barrel of laughs until it's time to bid the beans and cheese farewell. Better out than in though, eh?

I agree, your life sucks 814

You deserved it 235

Melting

By Smoke Undetected - 14/10/2022 00:00 - United States

Today, I found out that our smoke detector doesn't work when my roommate turned on the wrong burner while trying to cook. Our air fryer was on said burner, and it started to melt. It sat there for who knows how long until I noticed smoke everywhere and went to investigate. We don't have an air fryer now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 814

You deserved it 172

Confession time

By Anonymous - 03/01/2024 20:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend confessed to me that she actually has three kids, so if we marry I’ll be a "step-daddy." We’ve only been dating for four weeks and she’s already talking marriage and some other dude's kids. I was out of the door so fast. Four weeks wasted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 814

You deserved it 256

Womens' pockets liberation now!

By Anonymous - 06/06/2021 22:03 - United Kingdom - Runcorn

Today, I had to give in and order men's jeans, just so I could have functional pockets. Ordinarily not a problem, except I have wide hips and a suitable size doesn't seem to exist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 814

You deserved it 134

Albatross around my neck

By josh9792 - 23/02/2023 18:00

Today, after moving in with a friend I've known for 9 years, I found out he's going to jail soon, and refuses to work or get a new job, making me unable to pay rent as he eats all my food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 814

You deserved it 180

Nose to the grind

By Anonymous - 01/08/2023 22:00 - United States

Today, without realizing it, I just overstepped what is known in business as "The Competence Zone." Now any work that needs to get done properly (AKA all of it) is foisted off onto my overworked ass because I'm the only one who can do the work both competently and quickly. All I did was do the work I was given. FML

I agree, your life sucks 814

You deserved it 156

Noise annoys

By Mystic - 04/09/2021 08:01 - United States - Denver

Today, it’s the fifth day in a row that my mom has vacuumed right outside my room, from 5 to 11 AM. Despite this, I still can’t fall asleep before midnight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 814

You deserved it 136

The Voice

By Stage Fright - 05/12/2022 00:00

Today, my roommate eavesdropped on me singing. When I realized he was there, he said I was "fucking incredible" and asked me to do another song. There's just one issue: I only sing well when I'm alone. The result was predictably bad. If it was possible to literally die of embarrassment, I wouldn't be writing this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 814

You deserved it 175

By caroline - 06/02/2009 15:29 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. When he was about to orgasm, he screamed "Yes Brittany!" at the top of his lungs. My name's not Brittany. That's his sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 813

You deserved it 59

Help!

By Agonised - 29/05/2021 00:01

Today, I went to the hospital for crippling back pain that made it impossible to walk. The doctor was more interested in telling me off for not taking a pill that he admitted doesn't help acute pain. He then gave me an injection that wore off in an hour, and sent me home, telling me to take over the counter meds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 813

You deserved it 111

Amazon Prime

By Anonymous - 23/08/2021 00:01

Today, I was expecting two packages containing tools, but only one arrived. Interestingly, it was NOT the one where I had paid extra – for the first time ever – to guarantee delivery today. Now I have a set of bits and no ratchet to turn them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 813

You deserved it 112

Fight yoga, try stress

By Dawn - 12/08/2021 08:01

Today, I went to a yoga class, thinking it would be good for my stiff calf from running. I pulled my back out doing the downward dog. Now can't get out of bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 813

You deserved it 157

Boys will be boys

By Anonymous - 18/05/2022 10:00

Today, thanks to my son's inability to keep his trap shut, and natural ability to piss everybody off, our landlord is now not renewing our lease at the end of the month, and went out of his way to let me know it is all my son's fault, and he can’t wait to personally kick us both into the street. FML

I agree, your life sucks 813

You deserved it 471

The Good Life

By Anonymous - 13/01/2021 11:01

Today, I live in a tiny village in the countryside. Nice and quiet, right? Wrong. The farm next door rents out their land to some kind of soil processing company. Basically, it’s like living next to a never-ending construction site that knows neither Sundays nor holidays. FML

I agree, your life sucks 813

You deserved it 77

The main antagonist

By Anonymous - 24/07/2023 06:00

Today, my wife has been grumpy all day, because she decided to get herself worked up over an argument we had and then peacefully settled three months ago. Like she suddenly gets to reopen the argument for no reason. I’m refusing to continue the argument on principle, hence her grumpiness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 813

You deserved it 190

Buyer's market

By Anonymous - 20/06/2021 00:01

Today, I found out that my childhood vacation home was on sale for 149K. We sold it for 99K 9 months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 813

You deserved it 240

What's going on?

By Pointless - 10/07/2021 00:01 - Australia - Toowoomba

Today, I got a concussion when banging my head. I got extremely nauseous and nearly passed out. The emergency doctor gave me anti-nausea pills. The top three side effects are headache, dizziness and drowsiness. I have no idea if they're working. FML

I agree, your life sucks 813

You deserved it 149

Management

By Lt. Dan - 10/12/2020 05:01 - Germany - Castrop-rauxel

Today, I told my boss to choose between A and B, with A achieving his longterm goal, and B producing a quick win, but not leading to anywhere near A. He told me to come with a "hybrid" approach." FML

I agree, your life sucks 813

You deserved it 187

Had any calls lately?

By Anonymous - 17/10/2019 06:00

Today, I noticed that all 200 remaining business cards out of the 500 that I had made have the wrong phone number on them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 813

You deserved it 1 427

Thrice the pain

By Anonymous - 12/06/2022 02:00

Today, I stepped on not one, not two, but three Legos, all on different occasions throughout the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 812

You deserved it 191

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The Top

Today, I thought the girl I was seeing was going to tell me that she loved me. Instead, she told me how she sucked some other guy's dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 393

You deserved it 2 550

Today, let's just say it's not always a good idea to storm into your mum's bedroom after hearing several loud slaps accompanied by yelps. What sounds like domestic violence might just be your mum and step-dad's foreplay. For Christ's sake, I need brain bleach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 366

You deserved it 9 785

Today, I was late to work because the metro broke down. Yesterday I was late to work because the train in front of me broke down. The week before that I was late to work because the swat team shut the entire metro station down. Even the interns think I'm making this up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 513

You deserved it 32

Today, I tried to take a selfie with a squirrel and it bit me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 122

You deserved it 1 407

Today, our new neighbour three doors up just moved in, he even came round to introduce himself to everyone to assure us he means to be a good neighbour, and won’t be too noisy. Six hours later we found out he’s Scottish and likes to practise his bagpipes in the back garden. FML

I agree, your life sucks 634

You deserved it 133

Today, I went out for dinner with my crush and expressed my love for her. She responded by saying that we should know that this is the real thing, and to do so we needed to date other people and let time bring us together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 431

You deserved it 122