Today, I missed my bus to the doctor's office for my scheduled pap test. I was so desperate, I called my deadbeat mom to ask for a ride. She said "Virgins don't need pap tests", laughed, then hung up on me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I missed my bus by a minute. I called up my step-dad asking him if he could drive me because I had a test first period. After about calling him twenty times, and him not picking up, I saw him drive by the bus stop, pointing at me and laughing hysterically. FML
Today, since I'm still recovering from my surgery and can't drive, my daughter drove me to the doctor. When I was done and walked outside, she was nowhere to be seen. Then I got a text, saying, "Sorry, I forgot I have to be somewhere." The closest bus stop to our house is miles away. FML
Today, I went to see a doctor because I have been experiencing hair loss. He insisted on a pregnancy test. My parents then grounded me. I'm a virgin. FML
Today, my mom sternly told me that she would no longer make doctor's appointments for me, since I need to do them myself. I've been staring at the phone for thirty minutes, crying from anxiety. I'm 27 and the most pathetic man alive. FML
Today, I received a letter from the doctor's office saying that I'd missed an appointment and could be dropped as a patient if I missed another. My mom scheduled the appointment for me without my knowledge, and never told me that I had one. I also can't make it to any appointments right now, because my car broke down. FML
Today, I missed my bus. I had to ride my bike 2 miles. Once I left, some jerk nearly hit me. I flipped him off and shouted obsceneties. It was my dad, offering me a ride. He left. FML
Today, I talked to my mom about hanging out with her. She got out her phone to schedule an appointment. FML
Today, my mom told me that she'd rather wait for the city bus all day than allow me to give her a ride. FML
Today, I called my mom to tell her that I'm coming over for a visit. She answered: 'Why? What do you need? Food? Money? I'm not going to help you! You're a grown woman!' And she hung up. I just found out that I'm pregnant and she was the first person I wanted to share it with. FML
Today, my mom picked me up from school due to me being sick. Afterwards, she took a detour to the DMV, and I waited in the car. I ended up vomiting everywhere, clothes included, and had to sit in the car for three hours while the taste and smells lingered. FML
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Top comments
TheGamingGamer 28
That's just ****** up. Whether you're a virgin or not, cancer is always something you need to check for, and your mom is a douche for not taking you. I hope you at least got there to get your test done.
CamBamShamDaMan 26
Man what a dead beat bitch.
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Comments (61)
Murderoctopus 17
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Wtf is a Pap test?
bunnyboo7799 19
Google is your friend.
C8H18 33
Something you never want to experience.
delichick 27
If youre a guy, you dont need to worry about needing one. Like someone else.said, theres Google
NostalgiaFreak9 43
It's a test for cervical cancer if I'm correct.
buckdharma 38
First you get a 12 pack of Pabst Beer, and torpedo them. Then if you wind up naked in the front yard you know your Pabst Beer was normal, and you can get in to Gyna Colleges!
buckdharma 38
#1- First you get a 12 pack of Pabst Beer and torpedo them. If you wake up naked in the front yard, then you passed the test, and your Pabst Beer is normal and you can go to Gyna Colleges!
buckdharma 38
#1- A Pabst test is when you torpedo a bunch of Pabst Beer and wind up naked in the front yard. You passed, and your Pabst Beer is normal. Now you can go to Gyna Colleges! (Yay!)
buckdharma 38
#1- First you torpedo a bunch of Pabst Beer. If you wind up naked in the front yard you passed, and your Pabst Beer is normal. Now you can go to Gyna Colleges! (Yay!)
buckdharma 38
To answer, what's a Pabst test? 1st you torpedo some Pabst Beer. If you wind up naked in the front yard you passed, and your Pabst Beer is normal. Now you can go to Gyna Colleges. (Yay!)
buckdharma 38
#1- 1st you torpedo some Pabst Beer. If you wind up naked in the front yard you passed the Pabst test, and your Pabst Beer is normal. Now you can get in to Gyna Colleges. (Yay!)
Welshite 40
I think there's a glitch in the matrix...
J352SAURUS 30
A Pap Test, or Pap Smear, is a terrifying experience for all women aged 18 to 70 that have ever been sexually active. You have to get one a couple of years after you first become sexually active, and then you have to get one roughly every three years after that. Basically, they pry open the walls of the ****** with a speculum so that they can see the cervix, and then they shove a spatula or a brush up there to take a swab. They then test the cells for any abnormalities that might lead to cervical cancer. So OP must have already been fretting about the procedure, and then when she missed her bus and her deadbeat mother refused to help, I can only imagine she was borderline having a meltdown. Hence the FML. And don't you dare say she deserves it for missing her bus. Shit happens.
tattooed_bb 18
You're actually able to get Pap tests done before you turn 18 (where I'm from anyways) and they are not only for people who are sexually active nor do they only test for cervical cancer. They can also test for STDs and STIs as well
Bearsmomma 30
35, I do not find it "terrifying". I'm sure I was pretty nervous the first time around. And I've had some very inconsiderate and rough doctors make a specific appointment quite uncomfortable, even painful. For the most part though, my experience has been very different from your explanation. I certainly don't ENJOY having a pap smear, but it's just a procedure that has to be done and my doctor is quite gentle. He even heats the tools and gels and whatnot, and I appreciate that for sure!
J352SAURUS 30
39, I'm sure it's not that terrifying. The first time around I'm sure it's nerve wracking, but I know it's most likely not terrifying. I was just trying to convey some facts to a (presumed) male in a semi-humorous manner, hence exaggerated verbs such as "shove" and "pry". Sorry if I offended anyone, and I'm also sorry to hear that some of your experiences have been less than ideal.
J352SAURUS 30
36, Oh I see, that's quite interesting. I'm sure the guidelines vary across countries. Here in Australia, the Cancer Council recommends that "all women who have ever had sex should have a regular Pap test every two years from the ages of 18-20 to 70 years". They believe that since cervical cancer is so rare in those under 20, there's no need to start screening until you reach that rough age bracket or above. I honestly think it all depends on the person and the circumstances, but these are just the guidelines we are given. Apparently Australia has among the lowest rates of cervical cancer in the developed world though, so go us I guess.
devilgotmywoman 6
We've also got the HPV vaccine for school aged girls which reduced the risks of cervical cancer.
J352SAURUS 30
49, Yes, I believe I got that in middle school. It's good.
realdoogie 2
You are literally too stupid to insult
YaBoiSeabass 15
Hopefully you have a close friend or your father can give you a ride, sorry your mom won't help you out
TheGamingGamer 28
That's just ****** up. Whether you're a virgin or not, cancer is always something you need to check for, and your mom is a douche for not taking you. I hope you at least got there to get your test done.
X_Gon_Giv_ItToYa 9
Oh the irony....
CamBamShamDaMan 26
Man what a dead beat bitch.
bethitybeth 6
I'm so sorry. that's so wrong of her. Virgina do need pap tests too
PePziNL 20
How about Texas?
Lalala579121 28
Or even West Virginia?
Kakapo4Ever 11
Well, being optimistic when it's hard to be, find any silver linings possible. Like, for example, now you won't feel obliged to pay for to live comfortably in her old age. You can just let her rot off the welfare system :)
C8H18 33
According to my doctor, she's right. Unless you actually aren't a virgin and she was just trying to insulting you. Then that's just messed up.
domolovesyoshi 33
Of course you need cervical smear it's to test for cancer and abnormalities you don't need to have had sex your doctor is wrong
InfiniteSunshine 32
I think it depends on the place and the specific doctor. In my country and according to my doctor, pap tests start 3yrs after a girl becomes sexually active, or at the age of 21 even if they haven't engaged in sexual activity and are still virgins, basically it's whatever comes first. Better safe than sorry, you can get cancer at any age.
ShotaSammy 17
If i got a pap smear done 3 tears after being sexually active i would have needed one at 16? Its not even covered by insurance until you're 21 here.
asdfghjklmoo 15
And because it's not covered my insurance, you don't need one?
InfiniteSunshine 32
Which is exactly why I said "in my country," to show it wouldn't be like this everywhere. Also, what do you mean by "here," because I live in Canada, where we have healthcare so tests like these are covered, but in the US, no, they may not be covered, but they still cost anywhere from $50-$200. Which for me is a lot better than the hundreds of thousands of dollars potentially needed to spend on cancer treatment, plus the immense pain. And so what if you would have been getting them at 16, just because you're young, you don't need them or something? You can still get cancer at that age, especially if you're sexually active, since you have a higher chance of contracting HPV. You're aren't immune to cervical cancer and HPV just because you're young.
Bearsmomma 30
My doc said you should start having paps once you start having periods. idk what the "rules" are though. My mom started taking me when I was 10 or 12 because he said that (I started menstruation at 10).
zaarae 7
that's what I have always been told. Once you hit puberty you need to get them yearly.
uchihadesendent 14
Cancer doesn't discriminate it kills all.
wowthisislame 4
Love NZ can't wait to visit there again!
EvilLittleMan 23
Karma will gladly visit with checkbook in hand when she's growing old, lonley and decrepit.
LyricaSilvan 30
That's bs, and your doctor is an ignorant bitch. Pap tests can be used to tell if you have cervical cancer. And regardless of if you needed one or not, she didn't need to be so rude.
InfiniteSunshine 32
I think you read the FML wrong. The OP's mother is the one being an ignorant bitch here. It says nothing about the doctor, only that the OP was going to one to get the pap test.
LyricaSilvan 30
Who cares? She still didn't need to be rude.
LyricaSilvan 30
Also I find it amusing that people are downvoting me just because I misread it. Nice to know no one understands that human beings make simple mistakes sometimes.
cek727 16
Ironically, I think the reason we're all downvoting you is because of the rudeness you displayed in your comment.