The Top · The all-time greatest FMLs

Clinch · 25 February 2022, 04:00

Parp Blarp Mall Carp

Today, I was security at a shopping centre and tried to stop a guy from drinking in public. He told me to fuck off and "go play cops and robbers somewhere else", so I tried to escort him to the security office. He picked me up with one hand and threw me in the fountain. My boss let him go with a warning. I hate my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 056 You deserved it 166

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fat girl problems · 19 June 2023, 18:00 ·United States

It'll be over soon

Today, my soon-to-be-ex saw me cleaning my creases with a wash rag, even though I’d showered earlier. To him that’s proof that I'd fucked someone else and was wiping away the evidence. To me it’s proof that I need touch ups throughout the day so I don’t stink. I sweat profusely and it’s over 90°F. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 056 You deserved it 183

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Anonymous · 22 April 2022, 10:00

Get out

Today, I’m considering a divorce. My father-in-law has never liked me and is very vocal about that, names like "bastard" and "prick" are common. My wife is normally very headstrong and takes no nonsense, but she lets him treat me this way so she must agree with him. The wedding was only a year ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 056 You deserved it 197

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sad smelly thing · 11 May 2022, 22:00 ·United States

Letting yourself go

Today, I told my mom I wanted to see a doctor, because I feel like I’m slipping into depression. I told her I was so sad, I didn’t shower for 4 days. Her response? “I don’t believe that. You’ve always had great hygiene!” Duh, I’m not myself lately! Thanks for noticing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 056 You deserved it 163

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Powerless111 · 15 October 2019, 20:00

Freedom of speech

Today, I got yelled at for 30 minutes while on a date for using the word "bitch." I used it to describe my friend's wife, who will also yell at you for 30 minutes for using a word she doesn't like. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 055 You deserved it 1 958

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Anonymous · 31 July 2021, 14:01

Yeet him into Bass Pro Shops

Today, my boyfriend made me feel like shit because I didn’t feel like going fishing, and compared me to his "fake" friends, even though every day for the past two months, I’ve gone every time he’s asked. But anytime I suggest we do something different, he shuts it down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 055 You deserved it 171

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Anonymous · 5 February 2023, 18:00 ·Hawthorn, Australia

Expectations

Today, my stepdaughter, who despises me and lives in the same house, says she wouldn't go out for a birthday dinner with the family because I was going. She still expects me to drive her for a one-and-a-half hour round trip to drop her off at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 055 You deserved it 161

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Anonymous · 14 November 2022, 04:00

Friendly fire

Today, I tried to walk past chuds fighting in the street so I could catch my bus, except that when the police were rounding everyone up, I was mistakenly collared as well. To make it worse, some of the chuds claimed I threw the first punch. I just wanted to catch my bus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 055 You deserved it 126

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Anonymous · 6 August 2022, 02:00 ·Caldwell, United States

Trapped

Today, me, my mom, and my brother lost our house, the place we had lived for my whole life. I can't describe the pain I feel because my whole life was painted around that town. I had also just made friends as we were moving. I now live with 7 other people from my family. I can't be myself and I don't have my own room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 055 You deserved it 156

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Panda_bruh96 · 14 August 2021, 02:01 ·Minneapolis, United States 🌶️ Spicy

"Found", eh?

Today, I found a bunch of half-naked girls saved in my boyfriend's phone, and only a handful of the pics were of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 055 You deserved it 244

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Creeped Out · 12 March 2023, 15:00 ·Witham, United Kingdom

Freaky and scary

Today, I received a message from a weird guy that's been stalking me online. Apparently, he travelled 4 hours last weekend to go to the same event as me, just to stare at me. He knew a LOT of details. He never spoke to me because that would "have been weird". I don't know what he looks like, so didn't recognise him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 055 You deserved it 131

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Anonymous · 27 January 2021, 08:01 ·United States

Paternity test before the rest

Today, after always laughing when my mom told me to avoid dating any guy with green eyes and thinking it was some weird prejudice, she told me the truth. My father cheated and had at least six other kids. They all have green eyes and look alike. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 055 You deserved it 95

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Anonymous · 29 June 2021, 04:01

Spooky

Today, I went to visit an ex-boyfriend in New York and slept at his place. In the night, while he was asleep, I had to pee really bad so I went to their one bathroom and found his mom passed out asleep on the toilet, leading me to pee my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 055 You deserved it 224

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sarah · 28 March 2021, 20:00

Just a prank, bro

Today, my parents wouldn't stop making fun of my shy bladder by camping out in front of the bathroom door while I’m trying to pee. As a result, I haven’t peed in 10 hours and my bladder is going to explode. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 055 You deserved it 178

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Anonymous · 26 June 2022, 06:00 ·Camden Wyoming, United States

Angry man

Today, I learned that now that my mom is dead, and my dad doesn't need my emotional support during her illness anymore, he's going to go back to insulting me every time he talks to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 055 You deserved it 81

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Anonymous · 25 August 2022, 18:00

Nice try, Patricia

Today, my future mother-in-law tried to blackmail me out of the wedding with photographs of me with another man. Her son and I met on a swingers website and we both have multiple sexual partners, so we had to tell her the truth. Awkward doesn’t begin to describe it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 055 You deserved it 395

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Mike Capobianco · 22 August 2021, 02:01

Drugs are bad

Today, I came home to to find my roommate spinning on a computer chair, shitting everywhere. He'd taken Peyote. Now the whole place smells of poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 055 You deserved it 88

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oops · 31 December 2019, 05:00

My chocolate

Today, I was being playful with my boyfriend and put a chocolate between my legs. He bit the chocolate. My lips too... FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 055 You deserved it 1 818

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I hope you fucking die, you pussy!!!! · 17 June 2021, 08:01

Double header

Today, I drove to return a PC that my former company lent me to work at home, because I quit that job so won't be working there anymore. On my way to the office, I was robbed of both my car and the computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 055 You deserved it 90

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Anonymous · 12 May 2022, 06:00 ·Dallas, United States

Quality alone time

Today, my boyfriend and I are renovating his mother's house. We have some yard work to do this weekend there, where he jokingly referred to it as, “quality alone time.” To that, my smartass response was, “Quality alone time? Is your mother gonna be there?” He blew a fuse and broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 055 You deserved it 336

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Anonymous · 19 August 2021, 17:59

Deadbeat

Today, I reached a year and a half of working from home by myself, while taking care of my baby, since my boyfriend left me when we got pregnant. Something he’d always pushed for. Guess in the end it was just me doing the pushing. FML

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Anonymous · 8 October 2021, 08:00

Work anxiety

Today, I got hit by a car walking to work. My first thought wasn't to call 911 or my husband, but to call work to let them know I wouldn't be able to make it in for my shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 055 You deserved it 128

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Anonymous · 25 July 2021, 20:01

Revenge strikes again

Today, we inherited a house from my grandma in a homeowners association. My husband told the HOA president he's looking forward to defying the rules and annoying the rich snobs on this street who made grandma miserable by complaining about the state of her house while she was dying. FUCK THEM. FML

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Kerry · 22 February 2021, 20:01 ·Canada

Bathtime

Today, I was running water for a relaxing bath. There have been some problems with the town's water for a while now, so I was pleased when the water looked so clear. Right as I thought that, however, the water instantly changed from crystal clear to shit brown. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 054 You deserved it 92

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HeroZeroPlayer · 4 June 2022, 06:00

I read the news today, oh boy

Today, someone came in for an interview. For my position. I wasn’t informed that they were replacing me. I had to set up the room for this interview. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 054 You deserved it 93

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StarvedForAffection · 13 January 2021, 23:01 ·Midlothian, United States 🌶️ Spicy

Good girl

Today, I had to resort to telling my boyfriend that I have a praise kink, just so that he would actually compliment me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 054 You deserved it 278

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Anonymous · 23 July 2022, 22:00

Memento

Today, I suddenly was in my kitchen, preparing some food. I don't remember making this food, or anything else that I did today. Yesterday and the day before are also gone. My house is clean and nice, but my cat is scared of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 054 You deserved it 125

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FLIES, MAKE THEM STOP · 3 September 2022, 06:00 ·United States

Must be the corpse in the basement

Today, I woke up this morning and there was suddenly dozens of flies all around the house, so I put up fly ribbons to deal with them. Within three hours, every inch of every single one of those ribbons was covered in dead flies, and there were still more flying about. I don't have any more to put up. Uh oh… FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 054 You deserved it 172

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Anonymous · 29 December 2020, 14:01 ·Canada

Stay at home

Today, after working several months through the pandemic at a medical clinic, my coworkers and I got a gift to thank us for our hard work during this time. Was it a raise or a bonus? Nah. Just a small Tupperware container. We were also told later on that all time-off requests were suspended until further notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 054 You deserved it 90

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Anonymous · 5 June 2023, 03:00

Soul searching

Today my ex-boyfriend came out as gay. My family were like, “It’s about time! Oh honey child, we knew he was a major queen the day you brought him home, that’s why we let you share a room on sleepovers. No way was he going to try anything.” It’s true, we dated for 5 months and I’m still a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 054 You deserved it 334

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