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The all-time greatest FMLs

AC/DC

By Anonymous - 14/04/2022 16:00

Today, my son still sticks his fingers in plug sockets, cuts charging cables for devices, licks batteries and so on, because he enjoys the electric shocks, he thinks they are funny so I can’t even trust him when he sleeps at night, in case he wakes up while we’re asleep and does something stupid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 174

You deserved it 214

It was an accident, I swear

By Anonymous - 28/06/2022 00:00

Today, my new girlfriend has a purse dog, a chihuahua. The thing is so small, I didn’t see it, tripped over it, and my knee broke its back. It had to be put down. I don’t have a girlfriend anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 174

You deserved it 392

Parenting styles may differ…

By Anonymous - 22/03/2022 00:01 - United States - Santa Rosa

Today, it was my first day at my new high school. I put on a tiny bit of makeup, just some mascara, to feel more confident. I got in the car and my mom started yelling about how horrible my makeup is, basically calls me a slut for wearing it, and makes me take it off. I ended up crying in the bathroom on my first day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 174

You deserved it 164

Bored

By Anonymous - 18/12/2020 04:58 - Canada - Newmarket

Today, my alcoholic dad finally came to see to my last dance recital after years of never showing up to watch me. He got kicked out of the audience for snoring too loud. I could hear him from the stage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 174

You deserved it 81

Cruisin' for a bruisin'

By Anonymous - 17/06/2023 15:00

Spicy

Today, I showed my best friend proof that her husband was sexually harassing me. Now she's refusing to talk to me, and I can't let my own husband out of my sight, for fear that he's going to murder the guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 174

You deserved it 144

Nightmare mother

By scared shirtless - 18/03/2021 20:01

Today, for the fifth time in a row, I woke up screaming from a nightmare. My mother burst into my room, leaned in real close and said, "So help me God, if you do not stop fucking screaming, I will rip your arms off and beat you with them." I’m never sleeping again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 174

You deserved it 240

Get well soon

By Anonymous - 07/02/2021 08:02

Today, I'm in hospital after having surgery for a broken leg. I’m maxed out on Endone and still in pain. Work have said that I’m on the roster next week and I’ll be fired if I’m not there. My wife said that she is going to have some "me time" for a few days when I get home from my "holiday". FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 174

You deserved it 86

Who's that?

By Anonymous - 14/02/2021 05:01

Today, after waking up beside my girlfriend to get ready to go to work, I leaned down to kiss her while she was still asleep, and she said, "Have a good day Jake." My name starts with a J, but it's not Jake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 174

You deserved it 116

Single life

By AnonThoughts - 19/09/2021 17:00

Today, I'm single again, after my now ex attacked my best friend out of jealousy, forcing me to choose between 25 years of friendship and 3 months of a relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 173

You deserved it 132

Pleased to meet you

By Cookie Monster nom nom - 18/05/2021 00:01 - United States

Today, I went out on a date with a cute girl. Everything was going great, until the food arrived. She not only shoveled food into her mouth like it was going to run away, she also smacked, sucked her fingers and laughed out loud with her mouth completely full. It was like dining with a 5-year-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 173

You deserved it 201

Trust issues

By baby.momma2 - 18/03/2021 14:01

Spicy

Today, I found out that while I was pregnant, my boyfriend asked at least one other woman for nudes. He claims it was a drunk mistake and wants to "keep his little family together." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 173

You deserved it 181

Just what I needed to hear…

By RedGinger - 29/07/2022 18:00

Spicy

Today, my cat woke me up an hour early so I could listen to my neighbors having sex at 6 a.m. My husband died 6 months ago, and was very sick for the previous 4 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 173

You deserved it 176

21st Century Schizoid Man

By Anonymous - 17/11/2022 04:00

Today, my brother is refusing a life-saving blood transfusion, just in case the blood happens to be deliberately contaminated with a disease by the government to kill him, for knowing aliens secretly made Rishi Sunak Prime Minister. Yes, he’s off his meds again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 173

You deserved it 158

The one with the asshole friend

By Anonymous - 07/11/2020 02:01 - India

Today, after going through a surgery related to my ovaries, having a life-threatening complication during the surgery due to anesthesia, and my doctor warning me about future infertility, a friend told me that no one would marry me now, since I have stretch marks and stitches marks on my abdomen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 173

You deserved it 91

Broke

By PinChi - 01/09/2021 04:01 - United States - Chicago

Spicy

Today, I found out that my wife's OnlyFans account is the only thing keeping us solvent. Also, that my wife has an OnlyFans account. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 173

You deserved it 270

Music nerds of the world unite!

By Anonymous - 10/11/2020 05:03

Today, I woke up this morning to find out I have lost all ability to hear. Not only is that medically concerning, it also means that now I can’t listen to the new albums I just bought. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 173

You deserved it 109

Honest parenting

By Anonymous - 09/04/2022 16:00

Today, I hit a parked car and did some damage, so I left a note. My dad called me a moron and, to teach me a life lesson, made me drive back to the car in case the owner hadn’t seen it yet, and remove the note. He actually threatened to smash my PlayStation if I came back without the note. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 173

You deserved it 181

The wedding is going to be cocobananas

By Anonymous - 30/04/2022 18:00

Today, we announced our engagement. His mother immediately accused me of being a manipulative, gold digging whore. She's been fine with me for the last 5 years of dating, plus I used all my savings to support my boyfriend when he wanted to go back to college, but as soon as the ring appeared, I'm a gold digger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 173

You deserved it 81

People disprove

By matt - 12/03/2021 08:01

Today, I, a forty year-old man, went to the store with my teenage daughter and infant son. I got some very dirty looks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 173

You deserved it 139

No jokes allowed

By Just a joke - 02/11/2020 05:01 - Netherlands - Utrecht

Today, my boyfriend called my mother stupid and angrily argued with her at a family dinner. Why? We have a long-running family joke that "Vegan food doesn't contain calories," and my boyfriend thought my mum said it seriously, and was therefore a moron. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 173

You deserved it 258

Family portrait

By Anonymous - 29/05/2022 14:00

Today, I gave birth, but my husband was late and got here just in time to cut the cord. He was hung over after celebrating his impending fatherhood all night. He missed the cord twice, cut it, then fell over, and wound up in the bed next to mine, with a hydrating IV and a bashed head where he hit it on the baby's cot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 172

You deserved it 202

Thanks, I hate it

By Herbie - 08/12/2021 23:01

Today, the rearranged meeting, for which I was instructed by my boss to cancel my holiday for, got cancelled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 172

You deserved it 99

Facts over feelings

By Anonymous - 23/10/2020 20:03 - United States - Springfield

Today, I noticed that my mom still has me saved in her phone with my married name. I told her she could change it back to my maiden name. She said, "Not until it's legal!" My husband and I have been separated for more than 2 years and my divorce will be finalized in 2 days. She still won't change it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 172

You deserved it 236

All over the place

By unluckyinlove - 04/09/2021 17:01 - Australia - Ridgehaven

Today, I found out my boyfriend of 5 years cheated on me and now has a 4 year old, and as he’s told me, we should get married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 172

You deserved it 100

Call the police

By Anonymous - 10/06/2021 14:00 - Australia - Abbotsford

Today, I was looking at my pictures and there are none of me and my boyfriend together. The only photographic evidence of our relationship are pictures of bruises he has given me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 171

You deserved it 257

Guilty feet have got no rhythm

By Anonymous - 16/04/2022 14:00

Today, I found out my wife of 19 years has been cheating on me. She told me that all the "cheating music" that she's been playing the last year and a half should've been a good enough hint. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 171

You deserved it 110

Sweet side hustle

By J…… - 05/10/2022 13:00

Spicy

Today, I found out my baby daddy is queerbaiting on OnlyFans. Somehow he still can't be bothered to pay child support. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 171

You deserved it 383

Notification sound

By Anonymous - 09/06/2020 02:00

Today, I farted during a Zoom call in front of our client. I thought mic was muted. My Team Lead had lot of things to say to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 171

You deserved it 812

Play by play

By nowinshituation - 12/10/2022 16:00 - United States

Today, after being unnecessarily cruel and smearing me in court, my ex had his first weekend with the kids since our split. He has texted me no less than 38 times, wanting play by play directions on how to take care of them. I wanna tell him to go fuck himself but I’m worried my kids will suffer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 171

You deserved it 197

Midlife crisis

By Husband for sale - 02/06/2022 02:00

Today, I had to inform my midlife-crisis husband that the "weed" he had "scored" from his "dealer down the pub" was actually just a lot of mixed herbs. He refused to believe me and smoked it anyway, I mean, I'm only a chef in a restaurant, what do I know about herbs? He's still coughing by the way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 171

You deserved it 131

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The Top

The Top

Today, I got more pleasure from scratching a bug bite than I've gotten from my boyfriend in 2 whole years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 271

You deserved it 11 670

Today, I sent a friend request on facebook to the only person I became friends with this semester at college. He denied me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 201

You deserved it 4 377

Today, I was talking to my military brother about him coming home soon. I told him that our parents don't always handle change well, but are excited to see him. He took that to mean that they don't want him home and to make plans to stay where he is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 894

You deserved it 954

Today, I told my boyfriend we should avoid the local walking trail after I got followed by a homeless man. He assured me we’d be fine and the guy wouldn’t approach me as long as I had a man with me. Wrong. We both got beat up and robbed by said homeless man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 219

You deserved it 360

Today, I realized how visibly upset my boyfriend got whenever a certain female friend leaves. When my other friend and I teased him about secretly being in love with her, he completely lost it. He threw a temper tantrum, spilled milkshake all over the floor, and stormed out of the mall. It was just a joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 011

You deserved it 243

Today, I saw my roommate walk out of his room into the kitchen with a used condom in his hand, and plop it into the garbage disposal. "I don't really trust this girl" is all he said before he opened his door and walked back into his room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 466

You deserved it 152