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By a manly woman? - 09/02/2009 23:57 - United States

Today, a girl entered the public washroom I was washing my hands in. When she saw me, she stopped dead in her tracks. I then saw her go to the door to make sure she was actually in the girl's washroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 159

You deserved it 4 981

Get vaccinated

By Anonymous - 11/08/2021 04:00

Today, two patients died. Both had Covid. I'm still trying to deal with the issues last year left me with and we're right back in the same place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 015

You deserved it 188

By Anonymous - 28/12/2012 04:58 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, my car was broken into. What was stolen? My daughter's $11 One Direction poster. What will it cost to fix my car? $1,000. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 053

You deserved it 4 126

By YeahWhatOkay - 09/02/2009 00:37 - United States

Spicy

Today, I looked at the Facebook page of the girl I really liked, and I saw that she'd written on her friend's wall, "Last night was the biggest mistake of my life." We hooked up last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 484

You deserved it 4 854

By antwo - 22/01/2012 04:50 - United States

Today, a cute girl was walking towards me. She held up her hand for a high five, so I also did the same. I hadn't noticed her friend behind me, and was left hanging and embarrassed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 215

You deserved it 6 402

Dating is hell

By Anonymous - 14/08/2021 16:00 - Turkey - Eskisehir

Today, I'd been talking to this girl for 3 months, and she finally agreed on a date. We got drinks and food, then she said, "I'm just going to the bathroom", then never came back, and blocked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 043

You deserved it 154

No kinkshaming!

By I'm a freak - 17/09/2025 20:00

Spicy

Today, I watched Alien for the first time with my husband. I don't know what's wrong with me, but I got so wet during the facehugger scene, I had to fake a panic attack and ask him to turn the movie off because I was scared he'd notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 129

You deserved it 320

By 27musiclover - 16/08/2009 14:41 - United States

Today, my best friend told me I'm the friend who no one really likes. This was after I had bought her lunch, ice cream, and a ticket to a movie we were going to see that day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 672

You deserved it 5 162

Merry Xmas

By Christmas sucks - 24/12/2012 01:03 - United States - Boston

Today, I was wrapping presents for my daughter, trying to be really quiet. Behind me, the cat decided to climb the tree, which then fell on top of me and I couldn't move. My daughter had to help me up. She now knows everything she's getting for Christmas this year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 907

You deserved it 4 779

Fear

By wimp - 15/08/2009 17:06 - United States

Today, while I was at the doctor's, they told me that my son and I needed a shot, I went first to show my son that it wouldn't hurt and that shots were not something to be afraid of. When they gave me mine, I started crying. My four year-old son handles pain better than his 29 year-old mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 499

You deserved it 40 953

Bad timing

By Sorry granny - 04/11/2022 18:00 - United States

Today, I learned that when a fly goes up your shirt into your armpit, it tickles very badly. I also found out that it's hard to explain this to your mother while she's trying to have a serious conversation with you about your grandmother's rapidly deteriorating health. FML

I agree, your life sucks 934

You deserved it 157

Bunged up

By Anonymous - 17/03/2024 22:00 - United Kingdom

Today, the medication I’ve been taking has caused me to become constipated for so long I'm now unable to go, because all my poop is a solid mass in my bowels no stool softener can touch. So a surgeon is either going up my ass with a hose and a spoon, or cutting open my stomach to remove it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 595

You deserved it 95

Taste test

By Anonymous - 21/09/2025 20:00

Spicy

Today, I noticed my boyfriend tasted different than normal so he got a doctor's appointment, which is where he discovered he has a yeast infection under his foreskin. Yuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 393

You deserved it 135

Not FDA approved

By Anonymous - 19/03/2024 20:00 - United States

Today, I have to fill in a (now former) co-worker's shifts for the next few weeks. She took two of those shady energy pills and downed them with root beer during her shift, causing her to pass out, and landing her in the hospital. Why do we sell these things, and why haven't they been outlawed? FML

I agree, your life sucks 442

You deserved it 104

By oldtexas - 13/08/2009 07:27 - United States

Today, I bought a freezer mug that looks like it's full of water. I've been playing tricks on my friends by throwing the empty cup at them. After doing this a few dozen times, my 83 year-old mother came to visit. I played the same trick on her. The joke's on me. My Dad filled the cup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 273

You deserved it 67 531

Kinda scammy

By Anonymous - 23/03/2024 14:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I didn’t get a job as a teaching assistant because during my interview, in which I taught a class, I was rated as “not preparing adequate teaching materials in advance”, all because I didn’t provide my own A4 paper. I’m unemployed and the school expected me to buy classroom materials for them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 607

You deserved it 122

By Anonymous - 04/12/2013 04:02 - United States

Today, I covered a 10-hour shift for a sick coworker. Glad to earn some extra money for the holidays, I went to clock out. I hadn't even clocked in when I first got there at 7 am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 016

You deserved it 16 423

Alexa, play "Common People" by Pulp

By Anonymous - 17/11/2022 16:00

Today, it’s been a few months since I moved into my first house and apparently I know nothing about being an actual adult. I keep getting everything wrong or messing up. I just want to move back in with my dad and pay him rent again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 786

You deserved it 495

Moving

By Anonymous - 16/05/2020 05:00

Today, I realized timing really is everything. I met the man of my dreams less than a month before I’m relocating for work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 424

You deserved it 258

You must obey

By Anonymous - 16/11/2022 14:00

Today, my company decided to give me a second role, since I’m "the best performing candidate.” When I turned it down, they asked me to work half-time instead. I quit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 923

You deserved it 140

By Andrew7847 - 11/01/2012 17:02 - United States

Today, I finally managed to get through to the radio station that I always listen to. I handed the phone to my dad so he could win the prize for me, because I'm under 18. He hung up because he thought it was a prank call. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 323

You deserved it 4 627

By MommyLovesMe - 08/03/2011 15:21 - United States

Today, I learned why my credit score is so low. My mom stole my identity almost three years ago. Her excuse? "You didn't need good credit for anything anyways". FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 741

You deserved it 3 355

Lumpy

By popeye - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was trying to take the cap off a can of spray cooking oil. It was really stuck so I pulled extra hard. It flew off and I punched myself in the head. I also sprayed myself in the eye with it. The lump on my forehead and my swollen shut eye make me look like Popeye, but I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 379

You deserved it 5 481

By aaannnddd there goes my boner - 28/11/2013 22:03 - United Kingdom

Today, I arrived at work six minutes late due to heavily congested traffic. This is just two days after my boss put out a memo saying that anyone who's late to work from then until the new year will have their holiday bonus pay forfeited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 240

You deserved it 8 429

Knackered

By mala_19 - 23/11/2022 14:00 - Sweden - Skellefte?

Today, I'm six weeks pregnant and so far I've had more naps than I've had in my entire adulthood. My last pregnancy I got put on sick leave, partly because I was so exhausted. Here we go again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 762

You deserved it 241

By Anonymous - 11/12/2012 17:17 - United States

Today, my roommate turned the thermostat down to 50 degrees. Why? Because she read that shivering burns calories. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 793

You deserved it 2 189

Caught

By broke_otaku - 09/08/2009 04:21 - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked me to sniff his armpit to see if he was the one who smelled. I did because we are that comfortable with us. After a couple of sniffs I heard laughter. I forgot I was sitting in his living room and his family was watching me the whole time. I am now the BO finder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 252

You deserved it 49 410

By janie - 30/01/2009 23:17 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was sexiled so that my roommate and the boy who I confessed my love to two days before could hook up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 704

You deserved it 2 453

Nice try, dumbasses

By ILoveYouDad! - 08/04/2023 13:47

Today, I got a call from my Dad's number. Turns out, a scammer was spoofing him. Also, my dad's been dead since July this year from esophageal cancer. Way to rub it in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 112

You deserved it 167

FullMetalJackass99 tells us more.

FullMetalJackass99 6

Saturday 8 April 2023 8:52

Here's the Follow Up: After my father died, I had forgotten to delete his number (As many have) and the scammers tend to use fake numbers made up of similar numbers to my own. Dad and I had the same first 5 numbers. It was only a matter of time. Oh, it gets better: It happened again TO MY MOTHER whose number is separated by only a single digit.

By Anonymous - 09/12/2012 06:43 - United States

Today, I called my dad, because I haven't spoken to him in a while, and I wanted to invite him to my graduation in May. When he picked up, I said, "Hey, how have you been, dad?" He scoffed, "Wrong number" and hung up the phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 889

You deserved it 3 097

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Today, after frantically searching my house and office and calling every place I'd visited in the last 24 hours, I finally found my phone in my fridge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 864

You deserved it 6 850

Today, I went out clubbing with a few friends. A cute guy pointed at me from the bar and motioned for me to come over. I was excited and did just that. Turns out he just wanted to ask me if I'd thought about seeing a doctor for my jaundice. No, I just overdid my spray tan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 392

You deserved it 33 152

Today, I came home from my aunt's funeral to find my basement flooded due to a sewer backup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 900

You deserved it 106

Today, I came back from school camp and really had to go to the toilet. I ran to the nearest one, which was by the principal's office. After I finished, I tried to flush the button. Turns out the water was turned off so it wouldn't flush. I bolted. The principal is now stuck with my unwanted present. FML

I agree, your life sucks 883

You deserved it 192

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me. My boss called me into her office and congratulated me, and spent almost half an hour asking me what our wedding plans were, where we might honeymoon, if we wanted kids, etc. She then followed this by suddenly remembering she had called me into the office to sack me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 287

You deserved it 88

Today, I realized that my only chance of being promoted was if I moved to a bigger city… twenty years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 384

You deserved it 127