Today, I just came back from the vet. I spent a lot of money on a pet tortoise at the local pet store and it didn't come out of its shell when I bought it. The owner just said it sleeps in the day and it'll be shy for a week or so. Turns out it was dead. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I bought a turtle after wanting one for years. I was told that he was scared, so he would be put in a box for me to take home. It wasn't until I got to my car that I noticed that they sold me a dead turtle. I'm not getting a refund because they claimed I killed it in less than 5 minutes. FML
Today, I was at a pet store cuddling an apparently overaggressive chinchilla when it decided to bite me and run out of my hands. It is now nowhere to be found and I have to pay for it. FML
Today, I went to the local pet store to purchase a large dog bed so my dog wouldn't sleep in mine. After I got home and set up her bed, I realized I forgot to buy dog treats. When I came home again, her new bed was torn to shreds, and she was still sleeping on my bed. FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me and left me with the responsibility of the turtle that I never wanted but she insisted we buy "together." A little bit of research has revealed that Andre will live for "at least 30 years." FML
Today, I spent an hour at work trying to make a tortoise poo. When he finally did, I was so excited and felt pretty triumphant. Then I realized that my job was to make animals drop their load. FML
Today, I decided to adopt a 11 year-old dog that had been in need of a home for several months. Two hours after I got him home, I discovered him dead in the backyard. FML
Today, it was my first day closing alone at a pet store when a lady came in wanting to return a bird she bought months ago. Once I informed her there were no returns on livestock, she let the bird free and ran out the door, leaving me to catch it and explain to my manager where it came from. FML
Today, I thought my hamster might be lonely, so I went to the pet shop and bought a new one to keep him company. The new hamster killed the old one. FML
Today, I came home to find my girlfriend crying. Concerned, I quickly asked her what was wrong. She told me tearfully that she couldn't understand why her pet lizards hadn’t grown into dinosaurs yet, and that pet store had cheated her. I’m still concerned now, but for entirely different reasons. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I spent almost $500 adopting a senior cat and buying everything we needed to take care of him. He died 6 hours later. FML
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Top comments
Witchcraft_fml 5
So get your money back.
therealmike 0
Somebody has to do it, might as well be me.... 'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This tortoise is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to the perch 'e'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!! THIS IS AN EX-TORTOISE!!
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Comments (105)
Witchcraft_fml 5
So get your money back.
netfreak 0
yah
john_bell 0
Who's gonna refund a dead tortoise, they'll deny it was dead
ffmmllyaya 0
just sell it to the next sucker
laurabev 9
Turtle soup!
therealmike 0
Somebody has to do it, might as well be me.... 'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This tortoise is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to the perch 'e'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!! THIS IS AN EX-TORTOISE!!
plexico 4
That tortoise wouldn't Voom! if you put four mill-ee-yon volts through it! Beautiful plumage.
therealmike 0
Oh great. Couldn't you give me the equivalent value of the internet in cash instead? I don't think I really want to have the internet.
Intoxicunt 6
It's your responsibility now!
werzal 5
YAY!!! WELL DONE!
lightburns 10
+1, I was wondering if someone was gonna say that. hehe
Moemoemoe_fml 0
I was going to quote that too, but hadn't watched in a while and couldn't remember. Than I saw someone else had already done it, so yay! XD *lol*
itsnotmytree 0
The plumage don't enter into it!
sheehan35 2
i was gonna do that lol
teebonehead 0
This parrot is dead !
cheezburgergirl 0
aww
Matcayn 0
Ou crap.
plexico 4
YDI for buying a pet whose normal state is barely distinguishable from death.
Witchcraft_fml 5
He could still use the turtle as decoration now, that's all it was going to be alive.
plexico 4
So true! I'm sure the OP was hoping to get laid for being the "sensitive man" who cares for animals. He can use that "shy for a week or so" BS on his victims to explain the animal's torpor. He'll be done before they learn the animal's a stiff.
Witchcraft_fml 5
Exactly, though the turtle will probably get stiffer than he will.
Eldorko 0
Best comment award goes to you, sir!
CosmicPossum 2
Spoken like someone who's never had a pet tortoise or turtle! ;)
Emico_fml 0
This tortoise is no more! It's bleedin' demised! This is an ex-tortoise!
poofthepony 0
apparently- you aren't turtley enough for the turtle club.
KingZant 0
Winning right here.
quivx 7
Haha! You were had!
Utilitygeek 0
This tortise is no longer slow. This tortise has stopped.