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By SKuser - 19/05/2009 08:09 - China

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. She later came into the T-Mobile that I work at to return the Sidekick that I bought for her. I had to transfer her account to a new Iphone. She got the Iphone from her new boyfriend, who works across the street from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 949

You deserved it 4 842

Red flag

By Ugly - 06/03/2022 06:00

Today, I went to a wedding with my boyfriend. He became moonstruck with one my friends and said she looked sexy in her dress. The whole night, I was nonexistent to him. He’s now confused as to why I’m giving him the silent treatment. He literally has no clue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 082

You deserved it 360

DILF

By Anonymous - 12/06/2026 00:00 - United States - Augusta

Today, an internet repair tech thought my dad was my husband, and seemed skeptical when I corrected him. People usually think I'm way younger than my actual age. FML

I agree, your life sucks 281

You deserved it 85

By johnboy - 09/11/2010 17:08 - United States

Today, I went for a run. When I got home, no one was there so I took off my clothes and laid on the cool wood floor. I decided to call my girlfriend and we started talking in baby voices. That's when my mom walked into the house witnessing everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 838

You deserved it 37 185

Charming

By Anonymous - 18/05/2009 16:46 - Egypt

Spicy

Today, the man I was going on a dinner date with bought me an expensive necklace. We got to the table he had reserved when his friend came and sat with us. Somehow, the subject of getting it on came up. My date then said, "Expensive jewelry - one way ticket to her pants." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 083

You deserved it 6 735

Cruisin' for a bruisin'

By leah - 07/01/2021 23:01 - United States - San Jose

Today, I was beaten up by a complete stranger for “giving her a dirty look.” I can’t see my own face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 897

You deserved it 112

Kids can be a dealbreaker

By Anonymous - 18/03/2022 12:00

Today, the new guy at work who’s been flirting with me outrageously found out I’m newly-divorced, with a baby daughter. He ghosted me so fast and started outrageously flirting with someone else in our office, who by the way he checked to make sure she doesn’t have kids first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 944

You deserved it 354

He has a type

By Anonymous - 10/06/2023 03:00

Today, I looked up my current boyfriend's ex's TikTok, and I realized how much I look like her. So now I'm wondering if he's only dating me to get over her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 349

You deserved it 533

By fever15 - 25/04/2011 13:16 - Koweït

Today, my boyfriend’s mom begged me to not leave him before we graduate. After that, I have her blessing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 602

You deserved it 53

Thanks, officer

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Wallingford

Today, I was mugged. I saw a cop car in the aftermath and flagged it down. Unfortunately, when the cops stopped the mugger, he said he'd been running away because I tried to mug him. Apparently the fact that he was "well-dressed" and I wasn't means he was telling the truth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 505

You deserved it 3 286

Insurance is a scam: Tokyo drift

By Jules - 12/01/2021 23:07

Today, if you have a job in my country, you automatically have health insurance. Without a job, you can get “voluntary insurance”. No, let me rephrase that: You are legally required to get “voluntary” insurance. Whether you can afford it or not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 845

You deserved it 163

By AlbertEinstein_ - 16/07/2012 19:21 - Ireland

Today, I made microwaveable popcorn. When the bag finished popping, I took it out and opened it and put my face in close to get a big whiff. It now feels like I have third degree burns inside my nose and behind my eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 126

You deserved it 48 085

AlbertEinstein_ tells us more.

AlbertEinstein_ 4

Tuesday 17 July 2012 1:23

This is my FML, i had to make an acc to comment! I know, people, this was so incredibly stupid!! I have no idea why the hell I thought that would be a good idea, I think I wanted to check if there was salt in it before I left the kitchen (no idea how smelling it would clarify) so that I wouldn't have to get back up! I totally deserved this one, and I will surely never, ever do this again! My original FML had "And yes, it is possible to be this stupid" at the end, but that must've been edited out :( And I put the name Albert Einstein cause it was ironic or something, I don't know. But I certainly didn't think I was smart or anything....And my eyes still hurt :(

Make it make sense

By Anonymous - 12/11/2024 03:00 - United States

Today, I gave my best speech at a work function, only to have the entire team ask, “What was the point of that?” Now, I’m questioning all my life choices. FML

I agree, your life sucks 350

You deserved it 143

By Ryan - 28/08/2011 20:10 - United States

Today, after a long discussion, my dad still doesn't understand how evolution works, and thinks it's a myth that was debunked a long time ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 243

You deserved it 8 179

Don't believe the hype

By Anonymous - 14/11/2024 00:00 - United States

Today, I was hyping myself up to work out after weeks of being a lazy slob. I slapped my workout gear on, got my Spotify playlist ready, and just as I was about to start, my friend texted me asking if I wanted pizza. I’m now in my workout clothes, eating pizza on his couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 99

You deserved it 515

By thebigtwinkie - 10/09/2014 07:52 - Romania - Bucharest

Today, a guy tried to pick me up with the line, "You're ugly. Just kidding. You're my date." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 487

You deserved it 3 986

thebigtwinkie tells us more.

thebigtwinkie 28

Wednesday 10 September 2014 12:53

After thinking for a bit, I eventually thought he was kind of cute even though the line was absolutely awful, but he had good intentions so I faked a smile, not wanting to hurt his feelings. Oh, and I'm so happy that it's published!

Brotherly love

By Sad guy - 08/01/2021 20:01 - United States - Baltimore

Today, I felt so lonely that I was almost jealous of the way Chris Cuomo and Don Lemon playfully express affection for each other on CNN. FML

I agree, your life sucks 675

You deserved it 248

By Aaron - 14/05/2009 21:23 - United States

Today, I walked to my local McDonald's. I spent the last 7 dollars I had on my meal. As I began to walk back to my dorm, I was mugged. I explained to them I had no money, so they stole my food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 175

You deserved it 3 736

Kids will be kids

By Anonymous - 27/04/2022 00:00 - United States

Today, I learned my son has been picking on a girl he has a crush on. He apparently went too far, because she finally snapped and beat him up at recess. The teacher, who knew about this from the beginning and actively did nothing, is trying to throw me under the bus for being oblivious to my son's behavior. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 053

You deserved it 536

Entitled

By Anonymous - 18/06/2023 15:00

Today, I know my ex has spoiled our daughter. How do I know this? Because I got her a low level job at the same company as me, got her first paycheck and legit asked me, “Is that it? Where’s the rest of my money?” What rest of her money? That’s her wages for a months work. Curse my rich ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 797

You deserved it 227

Not much going on

By Anonymous - 18/11/2024 12:00 - United States

Today, I told my mom a funny story, and she responded with, “Yeah, I saw it on your Instagram last week.” My life is now reduced to reruns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 112

You deserved it 422

By fastfoodslave - 06/09/2014 06:11 - United States - Northampton

Today, while working at McDonald's, a woman returned to the drive thru because her fries weren't hot enough. She was so angry about coming back that she threw her cold fries at me through the window and told me to "choke on them." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 867

You deserved it 6 828

Welcome to hell

By Anonymous - 14/01/2021 23:01 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, after meeting my boyfriend's family for the first time, I found out that he, his sister, and their father enjoy talking loudly over the person who is currently talking, because what anyone else says is not worth listening to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 003

You deserved it 119

Mean streets

By tiptoppc - 19/06/2023 14:00 - United States - Grand Island

Today, my car was totaled when a semi passed me and blew his transaxle out of his truck into my car. I travel for work and just got my job. I also just put plates on my car. It’s now triggered my PTSD from another car accident I was injured in. I keep crying from flashbacks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 941

You deserved it 137

Catflap time

By Anonymous - 24/01/2021 17:01 - Germany

Today, our cat doesn’t care much whether she gets into my room or not. Except at about 3 a.m. each night. That’s the time she sits outside the door, meowing to be let in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 705

You deserved it 155

Desperate

By Anonymous - 24/06/2023 18:00

Spicy

Today, the guy I gave up all my social life and casual sex partner for, suddenly decided that he wants nothing to do with me sexually, and then called me "desperate" for wanting to be his friend despite that fact. Now, because of him, I'm no longer getting laid, and I have no friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 433

You deserved it 1 647

Another fine mess

By Moron - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, due to a misunderstanding, I unintentionally agreed to have a dinner date with a co-worker. He's ten years older than me. Not only do I have to find a way to reject him, but I have to work with him on weekends. The worst part is, he's the first guy to ask me out in ages. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 246

You deserved it 6 715

How the turntables…

By Anonymous - 20/04/2022 04:00

Today, after two years of working from home, and being bugged by a relative every five minutes as I tried to work, I turned the tables by asking her something. I promptly got chewed out for interrupting something she was doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 974

You deserved it 127

By garlicbread - 26/11/2009 22:11 - United Kingdom

Today, I decided to make myself a nice meal. I bought expensive pasta and sauce etc. It looked delicious, I decided the finishing touch would be some parmesan cheese. I grabbed the bag and threw a handful of cheese on my meal. The cheese was about 98% mould. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 627

You deserved it 29 961

Thanks, I hate it

By Anonymous - 02/02/2021 20:01 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I received my first dick pic from my boyfriend. Problem is, we broke up 3 weeks ago and his next message said, "Oops, sorry, wrong person." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 175

You deserved it 188

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The Top

The Top

Today, I attempted to bleach the little hairs above my lip. I had it on for about 15 seconds. Turns out that the horrible stinging that I had felt meant that it was not just working, but also eating through my skin at the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 516

You deserved it 3 831

Today, I realized something: when other people are drunk, they dance around and make out with people. When I'm drunk, I apparently think it's a great idea to chew on electrical cords. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 235

You deserved it 32 341

Today, my boyfriend bought a pogo stick. Now he rides it more than he rides me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 263

You deserved it 10 732

Today, I was standing on a balcony smoking a cigarette when I noticed a woman giving me strange looks. When I put the cigarette out and went to walk inside she said "You shouldn't smoke while you're pregnant." I'm not pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 812

You deserved it 15 630

Today, my latest date ended so badly that I was back home by 8 p.m., drunk on cheap wine, and screaming at myself in the mirror, “What is wrong with you?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 346

You deserved it 593

Today, I begged the people at my new job not to call my current boss for a reference because he is a vindictive dog shite. They called him for a reference, he tanked me, they believed him and withdrew my job offer. My boss also sacked me for disloyalty, thus proving he’s a vindictive dog shite. FML

I agree, your life sucks 428

You deserved it 102