The Top

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Scarfing it down

By Anonymous - 25/03/2024 16:00 - United States

Today, my mom sent me home with some delicious-looking BBQ ribs because I'd missed a cookout due to work. I set them on the counter, intent on putting them in the oven, but had to make a quick run to the bathroom. I came back to find my roommate's cat sitting in the plate, covered in sauce, as he helped himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 363

You deserved it 435

Nice timing

By heartbroken - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Huntington

Today, I took an exam in order to apply for a graduate program I want to get into. Last night, my boyfriend decided it was a good time to break up with me out of the blue. I broke down three times in the middle of the test, and I just barely failed it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 258

You deserved it 6 235

By bob - 17/12/2012 18:16 - United Kingdom - London

Today, while doing our Christmas shopping, my sister showed me a product that she really hated. The same one I bought her for Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 877

You deserved it 4 463

Spooky

By mike - 11/03/2011 18:34 - United States

Today, I set up a mouse trap to kill the rodent plaguing my kitchen. While lying in bed, I heard an unmistakable snap, and ran to see what I'd caught. The mouse trap was missing. I now have a large, angry, and possibly dying animal running around my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 609

You deserved it 7 172

Walk, don't run

By ohdang - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, whilst babysitting, I broke a glass. I explained to the kid that it was very important not to walk barefoot around where it had happened, because of the tiny bits of glass. He jumped back, scared, and while doing so tripped. I rushed to help him and ran through the broken glass. Barefoot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 642

You deserved it 12 997

Lonely

By Anonymous - 13/01/2012 03:50 - United States

Today, I left my empty shower running so I could pretend I didn't still live alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 707

You deserved it 29 996

Tonight on First Dates

By Anonymous - 02/04/2024 16:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I went on a date that went well, until the bill came and she quickly shoved it in my direction, then went to the loo. Rude, but I thought nothing of it… until our waiter took pity and told me I’m the fourth guy she’s had this week who'd been made to pay for her. I paid half, then went home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 745

You deserved it 123

Mind control

By Anonymous - 26/05/2020 17:00

Today, after my fiancee gave me $100 to spend at the garden center as my Mother's Day gift, when I was on my way home from the center, he called and yelled at me because I didn't get what he wanted me to get. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 709

You deserved it 159

Bat out of Hell

By ToxynneFlute - 05/09/2021 23:01 - United States - Battle Creek

Today, my kid threw a fit on our way home, wanting me to stop and call grandma. Why? Because she was convinced I was going to wreck the car, and grandma is a good driver who won't crash. When we got home, she stopped fussing, said, "Thank god, we're home," ran up to grandpa and said, "Mom's a scary driver." She's 3. FML

I agree, your life sucks 860

You deserved it 401

Hissy fit

By Anonymous - 13/10/2025 12:00

Today, I was watching our regular show on Netflix with my boyfriend. I made a remark about one of the male leads having nice abs. My boyfriend is so pathetically insecure that he threw a fit and is refusing to finish the show since he claims I find the actor more attractive than him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 446

You deserved it 161

By Anonymous - 03/03/2011 14:21 - United Kingdom

Today, it's my birthday. My parents, with whom I live, told me that they didn't get me anything, but instead they said they would knock off a bit of the housekeeping I owe them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 159

You deserved it 8 337

By anonymous neighbor - 30/01/2009 14:42 - United States

Today, I went on a date with my really attractive neighbor, and at the end, when I leaned in to make out with her, she shook my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 808

You deserved it 6 653

Dude, come on…

By Gym Creeper - 16/10/2025 00:00

Today, I was doing squats in front of the gym's mirror. I noticed the guy next to me giving me weird looks. I assumed he was judging my form, until I realized I was standing in front of a wall of mirrors that reflected the women’s yoga class behind me. To everyone else, it looked like I was just staring at them while squatting aggressively. FML

I agree, your life sucks 328

You deserved it 125

Foiled plan

By fazzems - 07/08/2009 03:10 - Canada

Today, I had a video call with a couple of old friends, but the conversation sort of got boring, so I started mouthing words so they'd think the connection was bad and end the awkwardness. Then, as soon as they hung up the call, I realized I'd left my music on in the background the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 622

You deserved it 70 948

Calculated revenge

By Anonymous - 30/11/2022 04:00

Today, my maths teacher, who hates me ever since I pointed out a mistake he made a few months ago, rang my dad and blatantly lied to him about me swearing at him in class. It was a complete load of bollocks, but my dad believed him and took away my PlayStation until after Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 999

You deserved it 182

By j - 01/03/2011 06:26

Today, I found out that the co-worker I have been dating and falling for is the same co-worker that had been spreading rumors about me and getting me in trouble with my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 668

You deserved it 4 557

Wrecked

By Anonymous - 13/04/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, my dad is mad at me because I refused to buy a truck. An ugly old Isuzu with two flat tires and a missing headlight, and the owner said it needed a new transmission & brakes, but still wanted $8000. Apparently, without consulting me, Dad promised him I'd buy it as payment for guns he bought. Now he's in debt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 587

You deserved it 84

By mazzer - 04/01/2012 02:04 - United Kingdom

Today, my dad had a day off and was 'bored' so he decided to move our entire kitchen into our living room. We now have no running water, no oven that works and the entire house is a bombsite. He has an entire week off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 069

You deserved it 2 271

By shirley - 28/02/2011 02:20 - Spain

Today, I tried a new sugar scrub soap that's supposed to help get rid of cellulite. I didn't read the instructions correctly and now as well as still having the cellulite, my butt looks like I got a massage from an angry cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 743

You deserved it 34 833

By Ren - 27/01/2009 20:02 - United States

Today, I was at work, the Disney Store. A little boy was crying so I went over to him. After talking to him for a little while I found out he couldn't find his mother. When he became comfortable I went to help him stand up, he choked back his tears and then puked all over me from the waist down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 167

You deserved it 2 198

Respect should be earned

By sarah - 06/06/2020 20:00

Today, while out in public, my stepmom turned and screamed at me for a good while for “walking through a door before an elder.” People stared. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 491

You deserved it 238

By superfiedman - 04/08/2009 08:40 - United States

Today, I came home at noon from a long night out. I was surprised to see a woman I didn't recognize standing in my living room in a brown dress and heels. As I walked up to the door and knocked to be let in, the woman whipped around and I figured out who it was. My dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 532

You deserved it 3 441

One man and his lawn

By Anonymous - 14/09/2021 23:00 - United States - Little Rock

Today, my husband, who rarely helps with big projects around the house, offered to help me with our mess of a backyard. An hour and a half into the project, and an hour and a half after he disappeared from the backyard, I found him mowing and edging the front. Our front yard was immaculate and didn't need mowed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 856

You deserved it 135

Cry for help

By Anonymous - 21/04/2024 09:00 - United States - Billerica

Today, I need a remote position due to a disability, but no company will even try to work with me. My car just died. I'll never be able to live on my own, despite being 30. The worst part? All the people who are gonna reply and call me "entitled." FML

I agree, your life sucks 488

You deserved it 191

By Anonymous - 12/11/2013 19:12 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend's ex moved into the apartment beneath us. She's already called the cops on us for a noise complaint twice. We were sleeping. It's going to be a long year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 596

You deserved it 2 770

By ceilingssuck - 17/02/2010 20:18 - New Zealand

Today, I noticed that my ceiling was sagging slightly. I got up on to a chair to look at it more closely, and I touched it. Turns out that my ceiling was full of water. It went everywhere, ruining my new iPod, phone, and all the things my daughter bought for university. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 874

You deserved it 4 935

Party pooper

By Uninvited - 05/12/2022 18:00

Today, I found out about my husband’s work Holiday party last night. I wasn’t invited because he told me they didn’t allow plus ones. That would be more believable if my friend who works at his same company hadn’t brought his wife there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 989

You deserved it 136

Dominatrix

By Grudges - 01/11/2025 20:00

Today, I found an odd notebook in my wife's desk and opened it. I learned why our sex life has gotten so boring: every time I upset her, she secretly bans something sexual. For instance: "June 16th - dented car - no more lingerie" or "August 9th - forgot wallet on date night - no more rope play." FML

I agree, your life sucks 382

You deserved it 146

By blegh - 27/12/2011 21:50 - United Kingdom

Today, my 18-year-old son asked me if I was a virgin. I still don't know what to say to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 190

You deserved it 8 898

Thanks Mom

By Anonymous - 09/12/2022 00:00 - United States

Today, I don't know which is worse: my brother cramming all his sauce bottles into a fridge door shelf that exploded onto the floor when I opened the fridge, or my mother being mad at me because I was upset about slicing open my finger while cleaning up the broken glass and my hand now burns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 861

You deserved it 136

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The Top

Today, after beating myself up for being useless and not being able to do anything right, I managed to choke almost to the point of blacking out, on a piece of lettuce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 376

You deserved it 6 201

Today, I went over to my boyfriend's apartment and I smelled a delicious aroma as I walked in so I asked him what he was cooking. His response was, "I'm not cooking anything. I just farted." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 325

You deserved it 8 656

Today, I took my girlfriend to the movies. She's pretty conservative and I decided after four dates to give her her first ever kiss. As I leaned in she violently sneezed and hit me in the nose with the hand she brought up to cover her face. I broke my nose and got blood down her cleavage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 763

You deserved it 4 750

Today, I went to a fast-food joint and ordered off the $1.00 menu to save money. Five hours later I go to the hospital with food-poisoning. After a whole day of not eating, crapping, puking, having tests, and a bunch of IV fluids, my $1.00 burger ended up costing me $2,000 in bills. Really. FML

I agree, your life sucks 177 136

You deserved it 27 254

Today, we arrived in Scotland for our holiday, specifically because we were told it’s one of the friendliest places in the UK. First I was mugged, then my car was broken into and my laptop stolen, then we tried to at least go out for dinner and a drunk told us to, "Fuck off back to 'Curry Country'." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 145

You deserved it 201

Today, I was sitting on the bus and the guy in front of me turned around and asked for a dollar. I politely said no. Now he won’t stop farting. I literally hate leaving my house anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 406

You deserved it 79