The Top

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By youshitme - 25/11/2009 14:45 - Australia

Today, I was at work, working on a new play. In the final dress rehearsal, I heard some of the crew laughing so I looked down at the very revealing costume to see that my left testicle was hanging out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 412

You deserved it 7 847

FOOTBALL player reveals TRUTH!

By fml9124 - 28/01/2021 20:01

Today, I told my wife Philip Rivers retired. Being born and bred in Baltimore, she hates anything Colts now. "Philip is a stupid name", she says. I pointed out my middle name is Philip. She laughed, then said, "Are you serious?" We've been married 33 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 883

You deserved it 137

That one hot friend

By Stillicide - 18/03/2022 18:00 - United Kingdom - Swindon

Today, I found out the guy I’m in love with has been side-messaging one of my closest friends about hooking up for sex. This isn’t the first guy this has happened with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 274

You deserved it 217

What just happened?

By Danny is pissed - 01/12/2024 00:00 - United States

Today, after a bad week I ordered a large pizza, ready to binge-watch TV. The delivery guy shows up, I hand him the cash, and he left without giving me my pizza. Exhausted, I watched him leave, like a confused puppy. I called the pizzeria; he'd left the pizza somewhere else, and couldn't re-deliver it because their driver was "done for the night.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 544

You deserved it 169

By Sean - 27/10/2010 10:04 - United States

Today, we surprised my grandpa by being at his house when he arrived. We haven't seen him in seven years. He had a small heart attack. It was his birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 174

You deserved it 8 088

Alexa, play "Ghost Rider" by Suicide

By Soon to be felon - 03/07/2023 22:00

Today, my sister got a speeding ticket in the mail. A month ago, I got pulled over and used her name, intending to take care of it but forgot. She's going to the police station to review the footage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 101

You deserved it 1 744

Going like the clappers

By Anonymous - 03/12/2024 12:00 - United States

Today, my family has been unsuccessfully trying to stop my sister's energy drink addiction. She's not even 30, but the doctors say her heart health (or lack thereof) is roughly equivalent to a person over twice her age. She probably won't even live to 40 at this rate, which makes us sad. Why won't she listen to us? FML

I agree, your life sucks 486

You deserved it 101

Report card

By Jussy - 26/01/2021 17:01

Today, while assisting my kindergartener with distance learning, it became apparent what an incompetent bumbling mess his teacher is. In-person learning resumes next week, and I'm terrified to leave my child in a classroom with this man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 800

You deserved it 162

So that's what the smell was!

By Anonymous - 23/11/2009 07:31 - United States

Today, I found my son's dead goldfish. Apparently, when it died he didn't flush it. Instead he placed it in one of my socks, placed that sock in a jar, and set the jar in the back of my closet. The fish has been dead for over a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 556

You deserved it 2 863

Tough times

By Asha Toone - 31/01/2021 08:02

Today, I started noticing how unnecessarily hard it is to get a basic job such as a cashier or server, even though you already have experience in that field. FML

I agree, your life sucks 818

You deserved it 132

Bored

By POP-o-popo - 04/02/2021 17:01

Today, school finally opened up using a hybrid schedule. Unfortunately, two of my teachers were quarantined and half of the school was on Zoom. I spent two hours in the library doing nothing with a mask on. Everyone else was on Zoom in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 855

You deserved it 128

Findom

By fucking bastard - 17/07/2026 22:00 - United States - Newport News

Today, my husband got paid. I checked our bank account and was shocked to see we'd only received $300. I called him, insisting that there was some mistake. He said he'd started a new bank account in his name so he could manage our money on his own, and the $300 was my "allowance". I now want a divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 395

You deserved it 317

By annonymus - 23/10/2014 00:57 - United States

Today, I flew to California to visit my younger sister at college. When I got to her house, her boyfriend looks at her and says, "She's not THAT ugly." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 389

You deserved it 2 978

By waaah - 25/06/2012 07:00 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend dumped me. He decided he would be a gentleman and do this to me at work, over text, during a rush of unsympathetic customers, the day before our anniversary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 449

You deserved it 2 746

By WhyTheEff - 20/11/2009 23:50 - United States

Today, I woke up to find my house TP'd. I also noticed our entire house was devoid of toilet paper. Someone had broken in just to steal our toilet paper and TP our own house with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 563

You deserved it 3 107

Finger wagging

By Anonymous - 16/12/2024 20:00 - United States - Edison

Today, my normally-prudish girlfriend grabbed my crotch and said, "I want you to fuck me like I've never been fucked." I obliged. She loved it, until after we'd finished, when she decided that she felt "cheap, gross, and used" and started a huge fight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 784

You deserved it 138

By sunboy52 - 05/05/2009 07:43 - United States

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. We got on the discussion of animals, and I showed them a picture of my cat on my phone. Being a touchscreen, when her father grabbed it, it changed picture. To a picture of my girlfriend, fully nude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 404

You deserved it 244

Silver linings

By Anonymous - 08/02/2021 14:00

Today, I was driving into work in my hubby’s truck. It’s his pride and joy. I managed to both get a flat tire and lock my keys inside the truck at a gas station, with my face mask also inside. Oh, and it’s 19 degrees. At least it’s sunny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 813

You deserved it 367

Time to get the hell out of Dodge

By Anonymous - 17/12/2024 09:00 - United States - Newberg

Today, as with most days, I’m reminded of how little my husband thinks of me. He makes me hate myself everyday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 576

You deserved it 158

First date, first impressions

By ragingwaffles - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Chico

Today, my blind date thought the best way to start off is to show up blind drunk. She ended up puking on the table and leaving me to pay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 587

You deserved it 3 960

By Username - 22/06/2012 06:02 - United States

Today, while watching TV with my boyfriend, I was telling him that I wasn't looking forward to "getting older" and turning thirty in three days. Five minutes later, he said, "I never knew you had so much grey hair already" and then offered to help me dye them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 212

You deserved it 4 215

Drunken truth

By Anonymous - 19/12/2024 15:00 - Germany

Today, after 10+ years of being best friends, I finally told my best friend "I love you" while we were on the phone. To which she said, "That's OK, but…" and continued the conversation. Maybe I shouldn't have drank so much, or waited so long. We're both in happy marriages, with kids with other people now though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 108

You deserved it 1 050

Hammer-headed

By Anonymous - 11/08/2014 16:27 - Canada - Saint John

Today, after ignoring my concerns and declaring that "safety equipment is for pussies", my husband went rock climbing for the first time. He only sprained his ankle, but is acting like it's broken. He's now playing video games in bed and pissing in a bucket, because walking is "too painful." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 283

You deserved it 4 945

Invasion

By Anonymous - 31/03/2022 18:00

Today, and ever since we announced our pregnancy, my mother-in-law has invaded our home, taken over my hobby room, and tries to run our lives. I tried to go to the pub for a pint, one solitary pint, and she came and dragged me out by my ear, because "drinking is a sin", and I hadn’t done the dishes yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 296

You deserved it 322

By Sally256 - 03/05/2009 15:53 - United States

Today, I was with my kids. We saw a tiny little bug and they started freaking out. Trying to show them that bugs are not scary, I picked it up. It bit me and now I have to go to the doctor because my hand is the size of a balloon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 678

You deserved it 27 032

Driven to drink

By Anonymous - 23/07/2023 15:00

Today, I caught my boyfriend trying to dispose of several empty alcohol bottles, leading to a discussion how dating me and putting up with my insanity has given him a drinking problem just so he can get through the day. Me catching him seemed to be the wake up call he needed, because he dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 366

You deserved it 927

Simple pleasures

By Anonymous - 25/07/2023 06:00 - United States - Rowlett

Today, I just found out that my local drag strip, where the best races in my area were held, is being shut down to build a truck stop. It was sold out of nowhere, with no warning. It was the one thing that I actually looked forward to every week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 693

You deserved it 208

Etiquette

By Anonymous - 25/12/2024 16:00 - Brazil - Joinville

Today, I had to be the responsible adult and take my parents' phones away. Most of their time is spent on social media and low-quality brainrot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 419

You deserved it 132

Having fun?

By Anonymous - 21/05/2022 02:00

Today, on my birthday night, my husband decided to book a trip for himself to go on a solo trip, leaving me with the kids. Instead of hanging out with us and celebrating, he's yelling at our son to leave him alone so he can finish booking the airfare and car rental. Great birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 120

You deserved it 152

The sweet smell of success

By joshua - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I started work at my new job. I was excited to have been given an office of my own, but shortly after sitting down at my desk, the door across the hall opened and an unspeakably murderous stench that could've curdled milk seeped in. My office is opposite the men's room. Great. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 157

You deserved it 2 833

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The Top

Today, my new room-mate moved in. She spent over an hour obsessively searching the place for god knows what kind of secret recording devices, and now aggressively demands that I taste-test all of her pre-prepared meals to make sure they're not poisoned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 159

You deserved it 2 991

Today, while shopping, I saw a little girl and her mom. The girl was pouting so I tried to cheer her up by asking her if she was a princess, because she was so pretty. She smiled but her mom looked at me with disgust and told me to, "Get lost, pedo." I'm a 17-year-old girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 038

You deserved it 3 467

Today, when I was trying to break up with my boyfriend, I told him how I needed space and time to think. His response was, "Ok, we're out of condoms anyway." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 128

You deserved it 9 558

Today, my kids' mother, who has been absent and living in a different state for over 12 years, sent a children services worker to my house with a long list of allegations, even though she's 25k behind in support, rather than try to build a normal relationship with her kids in any kind of healthy way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 161

You deserved it 77

Today, I had to deal with a lady who claimed her son was autistic to try and skip the queue. Even her son was saying he’s not autistic, and she was screaming in his face that yes he was. I happen to be genuinely autistic. Security threw her out, and I was jealous that I didn’t get to do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 217

You deserved it 145

Today, after getting my phone fixed last week because my daughter dropped it and it landed on a corner, I dropped it again at the dog park and several big dogs fighting with my dog stepped on it. One of them cracked the screen again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 284

You deserved it 155