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Slightly intoxicated

By Clare99 - 17/08/2026 03:00 - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Today, drunk, I tried to sneak quietly into my flat at 2 a.m. so I wouldn't wake anyone up. I stepped on the one squeaky floorboard, dropped my keys, kicked my left shoe into a door, and somehow knocked a framed picture off the wall. My flatmate texted me from her bed, “You OK out there?” FM

I agree, your life sucks 98

You deserved it 350

The war on pickles

By Anonymous - 07/09/2026 15:00 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I spent my lunch break trying to open a jar of pickles that had been stuck for weeks. I finally gave up and asked a coworker for help. He tapped the lid once with a spoon and it opened immediately. I'd been fighting a pickle jar every day for a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 97

You deserved it 279

Trust issues

By Anonymous - 09/09/2026 09:00 - United States

Today, I found out that my husband secretly DNA-tested all of our kids after they were born. Obviously they're his, but I'm incredibly hurt at his lack of trust and I'm thinking about divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 423

You deserved it 127

Truth bomb

By Anonymous - 13/09/2026 00:00 - United States - New York

Today, my son's blood type was tested for college requirements. He's AB-; I'm B+; His mom/my ex is B+, a genetically impossible combo. He wasn't blood-typed at birth. This explains A LOT of my ex's behavior during our marriage/custody issues since then. There's a secret she wanted hidden. No one knows that I know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 142

You deserved it 16

Which side are you on?

By Anonymous - 31/08/2026 15:00 - United States - Dallas

Today, my husband and I have been fighting because I gave our son his college fund, even though he got a full-ride scholarship. My husband didn't think it was necessary and wanted to use it for other things. FML

I agree, your life sucks 315

You deserved it 274

Overprepared

By Anonymous - 05/09/2026 22:00 - United States - Newark

Today, it's been three days since I started preparing for a video interview, including practicing my answers and arranging the background behind me. Five minutes before it started, I noticed I'd been preparing for the wrong time zone. I was sitting in a perfect interview setup three hours too early. FML

I agree, your life sucks 147

You deserved it 217

Unfair ruling

By Anonymous - 26/08/2026 09:00 - United States - Arlington

Today, my late sister's kids are in separate foster homes and I was told I can't have custody of them because I'm not a resident of their state (California). I can't afford to live there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 456

You deserved it 51

Internalized

By Anonymous - 21/08/2026 00:00 - Brazil - Joinville

Today, I was called a "transphobic bigot" at work because I told my coworker, a trans woman, that her clothing and behaviour were disrespectful and inadequate for the workplace. I'm also a trans woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 374

You deserved it 154

Rattle and hum

By Anonymous - 26/08/2026 12:00 - United States

Today, I took my car to a garage because the dashboard had started making a strange clicking sound. The mechanic listened for 30 seconds, opened the glove compartment, and pulled out a pen rolling around inside it. I'd spent €90 on a diagnostic appointment to discover my stationery was causing the problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 98

You deserved it 375

Sorry seems to be the hardest word

By Anonymous - 23/08/2026 00:00 - Thailand - Nakhon Pathom

Today, my husband accidentally smashed a Pickleball straight into my nose at high speed and the pain dropped me like a sack of potatoes. I’m still waiting for a hug and an “I’m sorry babe” from him. That alone is more painful than my nose right now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 398

You deserved it 76

Gooey mess

By Anonymous - 06/09/2026 09:00 - Switzerland

Today, my boyfriend and I were having a good time. Perfect. Afterwards, he stupidly tried to pull the condom off with way too much force. It burst everywhere, splattering our faces, the bed sheets, and even the wall. Absolute disaster. We just stared at each other and laughed. Never again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 169

You deserved it 81

Overbearing

By bert - 11/09/2026 20:00 - United States - San Diego

Today, I ate fruit for a snack before I left to visit my mom. When I arrived, she accused me of vaping because I smelled like fruit. I'm also 27. FML

I agree, your life sucks 265

You deserved it 41

Part-ay!

By Anonymous - 16/08/2026 00:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my husband invited 20 of his friends over, no discussion, just 20 strangers in my house. I got mad and went upstairs to our bedroom, which has an en suite shower. I got naked, and yet another dude came out of our en suite and walked right past my bare ass while I screamed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 439

You deserved it 97

Shifting the blame

By Anonymous - 19/08/2026 15:00 - United Kingdom

Today, at work, I gave ice cream to a kid and apple pie to his dad. The kid decided to grab a literal handful of the dad’s pie which was steaming hot. Cue the kid screaming and the dad yelling at me for not telling his kid that the dessert, that WASN'T HIS, was hot and he shouldn’t touch it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 394

You deserved it 51

What are you doing?

By soembarassed - 23/08/2026 09:00 - United States

Today, I was visiting friends in the country, and the property next to theirs has cows. Bored, I walked over to the fence and looked at a cow, who trundled over to the other side of the fence. I then saw the farmer staring at me and for some reason I said, "Just saying hi to your cow!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 96

You deserved it 258

Nostalgia bait

By Distracted - 06/09/2026 15:00 - United States - Portland

Today, I found my old school yearbook while cleaning and decided to look up what everyone was doing now. I spent two hours searching for old classmates online, comparing careers and vacations. I then realized I'd completely ignored the pile of laundry I'd started cleaning the room for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 94

You deserved it 313

That's hot

By Anonymous - 12/09/2026 00:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out my girlfriend only became my girlfriend because she was bored of having Tinder sex with dozens of guys and decided having a boyfriend she could cheat on with dozens of guys from Tinder would make the sex hotter and kinkier, like a dirty shameful secret to turn her on more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 194

You deserved it 48

Better sorry than safe

By Dumb bitch (RIP Zeus) - 18/08/2026 00:00 - The Netherlands - Naaldwijk

Today, as I was preparing to clear an overgrown area of our yard, I treated my pants and shoes with permethrin, as ticks are a problem in my area. I told my girlfriend explicitly NOT to let the cat out for the day, as it is deadly to cats. She didn't listen and now I have to dig a grave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 616

You deserved it 97

Welcome home!

By Tickedoff the Squirrel - 01/09/2026 09:00 - Philippines - Makati City

Today, after a week out of town, I came home to discover my front door unlocked. I was greeted by a reeking old lady and her gorging obese middle-aged daughter with a "Who the fuck are you?" and "What are you doing in my son's house?" Said son is the former owner, from whom I legally bought this house four years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 413

You deserved it 73

Discreet

By Anonymous - 14/08/2026 15:00 - United Kingdom - Reading

Today, I tried to discreetly remove a tiny piece of spinach from my teeth during a meeting. I was looking into my phone camera when I realized I wasn't on the front camera. I had been staring at the meeting in progress through the rear camera for thirty seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71

You deserved it 307

Magical mystery tour

By Weird - 18/08/2026 03:00 - United States - Galveston

Today, I opened my fridge and found a single lemon, three sauces, and a 9V battery. I have no idea why the battery was there. I don't remember putting it there. I also don't remember owning anything that requires that particular battery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 235

You deserved it 102

Claws out

By Anonymous - 23/08/2026 15:00 - United States

Today, I rescued a tiny kitten from the rain and brought him inside. I dried him off, gave him food, and wrapped him in a blanket. He immediately climbed onto my lap, purred for ten minutes, then sprinted upstairs and started destroying my curtains. I saved a cat. The cat saved nothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 145

You deserved it 234

Productivity

By Anonymous - 25/08/2026 09:00 - Canada

Today, it's been three days since I started using a habit-tracking app to become more productive. I created goals for exercising, reading, cleaning, drinking water, and going to bed early. Now after three days, I'd spent more time checking the app than doing any of the things it was tracking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 96

You deserved it 310

Past life

By Anonymous - 08/09/2026 15:00 - United States

Today, I found an old notebook while clearing our house and started reading the embarrassing things I'd written as a teenager. One page had a detailed list of my future goals, including: “Never become the kind of person who owns 14 identical black shirts.” I was wearing one of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 118

You deserved it 240

Sounds like a keeper

By Anonymous - 16/08/2026 12:00 - United States - Baltimore

Today, I was trying pillow talk with this guy I met at the bar that night. I’m thinking he’s going to say something cute, but he told me, "One time, I was bored, so I went to a liquor store and robbed an Asian man and put his bag over his head." I just wanted to pillow talk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 282

You deserved it 136

For better and for worse

By Anonymous - 20/08/2026 00:00 - United States - Euless

Today, I'm getting a divorce after only three months because my wife accepted a job transfer that would require us to move across the country. I'm sorry but I do not want to be away from my kids or my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 342

You deserved it 155

Fight!

By Anonymous - 05/09/2026 03:00 - United States - Lake Zurich

Today, I told my girlfriend about a huge fight I had with my female best friend. This friend no longer wants anything to do with me, and I was obviously upset about it. Instead of being supportive, all my girlfriend said was, "Well maybe now you'll shut the fuck up about her for once." FML

I agree, your life sucks 118

You deserved it 564

Mystery

By Anonymous - 10/09/2026 12:00 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I just woke up to my boyfriend's Instagram account coming up as 'Instagram User', then found out I don’t have him on Snapchat anymore either. I don’t know what’s happening. You think he ghosted me? FML

I agree, your life sucks 300

You deserved it 65

Placeholder

By Anonymous - 20/08/2026 03:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I asked my boss for a raise, but he told me my position is a legal requirement that produces no profit, unlike every other employee, ergo if I’m feeling ungrateful about my generous wage, he will happily fire me and hire someone else at minimum wage, saving the company money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 364

You deserved it 119

The one that got away

By Anonymous - 22/08/2026 00:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my ex invited me to dinner where we had a wonderful time. She even picked the first restaurant I'd took her to, and just as I was considering asking her to get back together, she tells me that she’s engaged and didn’t want me to find out from Facebook. I swear the chefs heard my heart break. FML

I agree, your life sucks 362

You deserved it 126

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The Top

Today, I tried to encourage my spouse to come with me and work out a bit, figuring it would help us both get be healthier and be something to do together. I got told she had no desire to get healthy or look attractive, and that I should find a "Fuck buddy" instead. What? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 304

You deserved it 197

Today, I woke up to a really cold feeling down below. I opened my eyes and saw my girlfriend grinning like a maniac and holding my crotch-sausage between two scissor blades. I screamed in terror like a little bitch, and she says I'm never gonna live this down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 000

You deserved it 4 506

Random

Today, I was ringing an elderly gentleman up at work. As I went to package up the buns he ordered, he held up a hand and told me to wait. He then looked me in the eyes, started squeezing them, then winked and told me to go ahead. I've never felt so violated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 345

You deserved it 4 485

Today, it was my first day closing alone at a pet store when a lady came in wanting to return a bird she bought months ago. Once I informed her there were no returns on livestock, she let the bird free and ran out the door, leaving me to catch it and explain to my manager where it came from. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 673

You deserved it 2 849

Today, I finally felt ready to have sex for the first time, with my boyfriend of nearly 8 months. When I told him, things became intimate and pants came off. He then looked at me and said, "Yeah, I can't do this." The rest of the night was spent in awkward silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 913

You deserved it 6 683

Today, I was at a professional hockey game. I wasn't paying attention and a puck was shot into the stands and hit me in the face. My mouth was bleeding and I lost two teeth. As I was trying to cough up my teeth the old man next to me shoved me over and stole the puck. Everyone cheered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 213

You deserved it 5 585

Today, I have now reached the point in the financial landslide of my life that the only thing of value I have managed to hold on to is my life insurance policy, which I just manage to pay for every month. It says something that I am now actually worth more dead than alive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 492

You deserved it 100

Today, I realized that I'm head over heels in love with my coworker. She's funny, caring, sweet, and the best person I've ever met. We're also both married. I dream about her every night, and the stress of not being able to tell her has overtaken my PTSD, making it impossible to sleep and barely function. Fuck Love. FML

I agree, your life sucks 204

You deserved it 672