The Top · The all-time greatest FMLs

American · 20 March 2024, 00:00 ·United States

Take the skinheads bowling

Today, I got to school and my stuff was searched by a police officer, which isn't normal. As I walked to my locker, there were several more police officers patrolling the hallways. Turns out a VERY troubled kid who was expelled last year had issued a threat, so they're taking excessive precautions. This is America. FML

I agree, your life sucks 531 You deserved it 159

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Anonymous · 22 September 2025, 09:00

The lawnmower man

Today, as proof that my wife does not belong around me when I’m working, she decided to lean over my shoulder to ask me something, whilst smoking, while I was putting petrol in my lawnmower. She almost blew my face off, then claimed it was my fault for spilling it. STOP SMOKING, WENCH. FML

I agree, your life sucks 448 You deserved it 78

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Anonymous · 24 September 2025, 09:00

Dazed and confused

Today, at the store, I went to the self checkout then dumbly tried to activate the touchscreen, without touching it. I stood there wondering why it wasn't turning on before realizing I hadn't touched the thing to turn it on, like I was going to get shocked by the screen or something. FML

I agree, your life sucks 161 You deserved it 242

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Anonymous · 13 November 2022, 02:00

LOL

Today, I was told that my laugh sounds like Krusty the Clown. It really does. Now I can't unhear it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 753 You deserved it 156

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Wilmot · 4 October 2025, 00:00

Always assume you're being watched

Today, I was alone in the work elevator, so I practiced my “serious professional face” in the mirror. I made finger guns at myself right as the doors opened to reveal three executives from my company. They got in. Nobody said a word. FML

I agree, your life sucks 135 You deserved it 389

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Dad Is Fat · 25 August 2021, 08:01 ·Mount Orab, United States

Moobs

Today, my 3-year-old daughter told me I was blocking her view of her puppy. She said, "Dad, your boobs are too long!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 785 You deserved it 248

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Vicky · 12 October 2025, 15:00

My BFF

Today, I took my dog to the vet. He sat on my lap the whole car ride, licking my face and acting like my best friend. As soon as we got inside, he turned into a Tasmanian devil and pissed on my shoes, all while looking at me like I'd betrayed him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 356 You deserved it 143

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Anonymous · 13 April 2024, 00:00 ·Lafayette, United States

The whole tooth

Today, I finally started feeling better after getting a tooth pulled last week. I also started something else: my period, while I was stuck in the dentist's chair during my follow-up appointment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 452 You deserved it 91

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Seb · 15 April 2024, 14:00 ·Houston, United States

Move on

Today, I watched the new Fallout series, which was pretty good… except for the fact that Ella Purnell looks a lot like my ex. Now it’s 6 a.m., hours before I have to wake up, and I can't keep myself from crying. I broke up with this girl for a number of reasons which seem somewhat valid now, but I regret it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 274 You deserved it 346

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Thilo Pieper · 24 October 2025, 15:00

Cough up

Today, I missed a free flight paid by the company I was supposed to work for, because I was sick. I was then told that I had to pay myself later. Should I have never gotten so sick that I had to miss that flight? FML

I agree, your life sucks 299 You deserved it 111

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NeighboRingo · 6 December 2022, 02:00 ·United States

Helter Skelter

Today, I found out my upstairs neighbor is a drummer. He's actually quite good, so I didn't have the heart to report a noise complaint. That is, until he screamed Ringo Starr's infamous line, "I got blisters on my fingers!" at the top of his lungs after playing them too long. I would have laughed if it wasn't 2AM. FML

I agree, your life sucks 920 You deserved it 121

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Anonymous · 3 November 2025, 03:00

Kicked off

Today, I got discharged from the hospital after a six day stay, minus half my kicking foot. Not a diabetic, no trauma, just got some chills and was found to have extensive bone infection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 465 You deserved it 70

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Im so awkward · 12 November 2025, 00:00

I'm a klutz

Today, I saw a woman struggling to hold the elevator. Trying to be helpful, I jumped forward and pressed the “close doors” button, thinking it was “open doors.” The doors shut right in her face. I had to awkwardly ride up ten floors in silence with three witnesses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 129 You deserved it 363

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Veronica · 22 December 2022, 21:00 ·Palm, United States

Jealous weirdo

Today, I was at work when my ex and his girlfriend came in. She went on to claim that I was excited when I saw him… but I was actually happy because my shift was ending in 5 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 846 You deserved it 149

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bdaygirl · 11 May 2024, 16:00 ·Grand Rapids, United States

Happy birthday anyway!

Today, I received a short happy birthday message from my father. He’s never been one to show affection, and I haven’t spoken to him in months since he only reaches out to ask for money. This might have given me hope that he cares or wants a relationship with me. Except… it’s not my birthday, and I don’t think he knows that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 475 You deserved it 114

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Anonymous · 23 November 2025, 03:00

Stolen valor!

Today, I told my crush I’d bring homemade cookies. The batch burned so badly the smoke alarm screamed. In desperation, I bought store cookies, put them on a tray, and claimed them as mine. My crush said, “These taste store-bought.” I panicked and confessed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 You deserved it 414

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Anonymous · 11 October 2021, 05:00 ·Norden, Germany

Dysfunctional

Today, health insurance is supposed to take care of your health. Or that’s what I thought. Mine is currently pushing me towards suicide, by repeatedly asking for money I don’t have, for an insurance I don’t want, because they don’t pay for anything that actually helps me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 338 You deserved it 169

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Anonymous · 12 October 2021, 11:00

Kinda sus, dude

Today, I found ladies knee-high socks that weren't mine. I don't even own a pair of knee-high socks. After bickering back and forth with my boyfriend, he said, "Actually now that you mention it, I thought they were yours and I put them there." FML

I agree, your life sucks 837 You deserved it 102

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Anonymous · 18 May 2024, 09:00 ·Germany

Good intentions…

Today, I drove for three hours to surprise a girl after surgery. My truck broke down outside her place, and it turns out she's over an hour away at her family's place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 426 You deserved it 225

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Penny · 17 October 2021, 02:00

Glassed

Today, I reached for my lip balm while laying in bed in the dark. I accidentally knocked my bedside lamp, and it fell on my hand and shattered. A huge glass fragment impaled my hand. I just got out of surgery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 893 You deserved it 167

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Anonymous · 22 October 2021, 01:59

Blow it

Today, I reached to pick out a booger stuck in my nose that had been irritating me, and ended up poking myself in the eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 344 You deserved it 752

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God dammit · 6 December 2025, 20:00

Thanks, asshole

Today, the new guy at my workplace was on his phone so much that he has become solely responsible for a new rule: no one is allowed to have their phone on their person, except on breaks. So, I guess that if my severely disabled mom ever has an emergency at home, she'll have to fend for herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 377 You deserved it 79

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Anonymous · 11 January 2023, 18:00 ·Thane, India

Paranoid

Today, some person I don't even know called me a scammer on my Facebook, and my mutual friends, who know my actual "GPS coordinates" blocked me before bothering to hear my side. FML

I agree, your life sucks 721 You deserved it 163

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Late for work (at least I had an excuse) · 11 December 2025, 22:00

Life on the North Pole

Today, after a snowstorm, I went to start my car early in the morning for work. The door was frozen solid, so I had to jimmy it open with a screwdriver. Then, as I started to drive off, my foot slipped off the clutch and the car stalled out. The battery was too weak to start it again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 345 You deserved it 84

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Anthony · 30 May 2024, 22:00 ·Manorville, United States

This is America

Today, I’m so broken and poor that I look forward towards my one free meal in my shelter just so I can have a conversation with people and act like I’m happy, and see another smile. I wish I could have more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 584 You deserved it 102

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Anonymous · 13 December 2025, 22:00

Yada yada yada

Today, I tried to look productive in a meeting by nodding along, only to realize too late that I was actually nodding off. When my head dropped forward, it made a loud thud on my desk, and everyone stopped talking at once. FML

I agree, your life sucks 97 You deserved it 387

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Spice gone wrong · 31 May 2024, 16:00 ·United States 🌶️ Spicy

Adventure time

Today, my normally very unadventurous girlfriend decided she wanted to have public sex. We were naked in the back of her car when she saw someone in the distance, had a panic attack, and started screaming uncontrollably. I got arrested because a cop heard the screams and thought I was attacking her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 794 You deserved it 190

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Cringed to death · 15 December 2025, 20:00

I'm never going outside again

Today, in a crowded store, I waved at someone who looked familiar. The woman frowned, looked behind her, then back at me, and said, “Do I know you?” I panicked and said, “Yes… spiritually?” She walked away faster than I’ve ever seen flee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81 You deserved it 396

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Anonymous · 18 December 2025, 22:00

Bonus

Today, I finally got a bonus virtual gift card in my email that was thrown in for buying a new mattress. Except I've never used a virtual gift card before, I only have the vaguest idea as to how to use it. I actually googled how to use it because I was so clueless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 166 You deserved it 255

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my dad is blind as shit · 4 February 2023, 00:00 ·United States

Bat out of hell

Today, my dad asked to borrow my glasses to look for his glasses. He then took them off because they were extremely tight on his head, and gave them back to me. Then he turned around and walked into a wall. I sure hope my eyes don't get that bad, although they probably will by the time I'm 40. FML

I agree, your life sucks 720 You deserved it 153

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