Today, my granny called me to, "Come change me please, I just peed." I interrupted what I was doing, walked over to her bed, pulled down her covers and was just about to go for the pad when she said, "Actually... I'm still peeing. Come back in a couple of minutes." FML
Today, the asshole who I paid to send me weekly diet plans thinks I'm weird because I'm asking him to send them on time. He claims he "has a life." WTF? Arrogant! I paid for this service that he's giving poorly. He even sends the same plan every week and just changes the file date. FML
Today, the cops were called on our apartment because they heard angry yelling and loud screams. I was having a Mario Kart party with some friends over and we got too into the game. FML
Today, after being woken up with the intense urge to go to the bathroom, and having gone to the bathroom three times in the last hour, I finally realized I took two laxatives instead of two Midol. My ass is on fire. FML
Today, I caught my cousin's husband ogling me at a party. I decided to talk to him, but each time he'd avoid me. Eventually I confronted him about staring at me; he then pointed at the front of my dress, my nipple had slightly snuck out of my low-cut dress. FML
Today, I was sharing my screen on a company Zoom call. I inadvertently Teams messaged my colleague saying that the lady who was speaking on this video sounded annoying. Unbeknownst to me, the lady was one of the participants in the call. I forgot I was sharing my screen. They saw the conversation. I was fired. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I aren't speaking. He wanted to stay up late to "look for jobs", so I went to bed. An hour later, I was awoken to him screaming. When I ran in to see what was going on, he had a video game open. I shouldn't be mad at him because it was a "mega rare drop", he insists. FML
Today, I took a good look, and I mean a really good look around the house and I realized that if I simply threw away all my wife’s useless crap she bought and hasn’t used in years, or even unwrapped from the plastic, we could probably move into a smaller, cheaper house. FML
Today, I think I was just nominated as a crazy old cat lady. I was sitting in my garden when a stray methodically came back and forth, leaving her three kittens in one of my flowerbeds two feet from me, and now she hasn’t been back all day. I guess I own cats now. Three of them. FML
Today, I confronted my sister for teaching her kids “extreme independence”. It’s really just code for doing the absolute bare minimum required by law to keep them out of foster care so she can spend every waking moment with her new boyfriend. If I cut her out, I’ll never see my nephews again. FML
Today, while discussing kids, my fiancé told me he has a kid already with his previous fiancé, but he hates kids so much, he left and moved to this country before it was born. He doesn’t even know if it’s a boy or girl, because he simply doesn’t give a toss. Yes, I’m pregnant. FML
Today, within the span of one day, the owner of the business I work at said I could write "Technical & Compliance Manager" on paperwork where I was the approver for engineered compliance of product regulatory records, but also that I was "basically just a secretary." FML
Today, I was riding an electric scooter on my way to work when a car sped out of a driveway and hit me. Not only did I end up in hospital, but I missed my job on the second day back. FML
Today, the boy I have been talking to for six months unadded me out of the blue, even though he had been acting completely normal hours prior to unadding me. I put so much time and effort into what we had, just for it to be thrown away. FML
Today, I once again had to clean up a shower and bathroom covered in feces, because of client with incontinence. It smelt so bad that I couldn’t hide my reaction; the client saw my face and I could see the embarrassment on theirs. I spent the rest of the day feeling like an asshole. FML
Today, I got home from my tour of duty. The first thing my teen daughter said to me was could she have some money, because mom won’t give her anymore since she got caught using her allowance to buy weed. Not even a "Hello" or tears of joy to see me, just a demand for drug money. FML
Today, after trying so hard to get myself back on my feet, I had an amazing interview and I was hired on the spot. I was so happy, until I read the position I was given, and it turns out I didn't get full-time, I got barely enough hours to even be part-time. FML
Today, I walked in on my boyfriend jacking it. He wouldn't continue and let me watch. FML
Today, after training for six months in martial arts, I was ready to stand up against my bully. When he approached me. I found out the hard way he’s been doing martial arts since he was six. I didn’t know that. FML
Today, I learned my boyfriend has been going to our attractive female next door neighbor’s house without telling me while I'm at work. He claims it’s “because her house has AC and we don’t." FML
Today, I got my deposit back from my last apartment. The receipt is riddled with math errors. I'd told them I’m an accountant when I moved in, so I redid the receipt in my own time to see how bad they fucked it up. They owe me $400 more due to their mistake, and I’m sure I’ll never see any of it. FML
Today, a friend of mine borrowed my car, drove it on drugs, fell asleep at the wheel, and smashed it. Don’t worry though, he’s fine, but my car was described as a “write off”. FML
Today, my husband is upset that I refuse to sign off on a loan for $10k for an experimental surgery on his 11 year-old chronically ill dog. It will ultimately put more trauma on the poor creature, but he refuses to listen or let go. Not to mention the kids and mortgage. FML
Today, I found out my significant other of 14 years roughly has been with another guy for over a year and they’ve taken it all the way, if you know what I mean. While living with me. I’d watch our 4 kids so she "could go out to the movies with a girlfriend" of hers. I definitely got fucked on that one, not sure what to do now. FML
Today, I saw a very attractive female police officer while at the DMV. Thinking myself suave, I asked her: "Is it sexual harassment if I tell you how beautiful I think you are, and ask for your phone number?" Apparently it was. FML
Today, I had to attend a telephone hearing with my landlord, regarding debt and other things. I spent two weeks getting my defence ready. I was prepared and had so much against him. He dropped all complaints but the debt. I had proof it should be reduced or reassessed. He still won and I can’t afford the payments. FML
Today, time is going by way too fast and I don't know what I'm even doing with my life anymore. I realized all I do is sit in bed all day and mope. I'm such a boring person. How did this happen? FML
Today, my dad wrecked yet another car by driving drunk. He's now in jail and has a broken arm. I've begged my family to help him get sober, but they just say, "Stop your americanized bullshit, he's fine, this is how we do in the old country." I'm scared he's gonna get someone killed. FML
Today, I decided to redye my hair. And the sink, and the wall, and the toilet seat, and the tub. FML
Today, I’ve been texting a guy from my old college and we finally arranged a date. I told him it would have to fit my daughter's schedule and his interest in me vanished. Apparently I never mentioned having a kid and have wasted his time. I literally have text messages to him all about her. Prick. FML
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