Today, after months of health problems and my boyfriend offering unsolicited advice that mostly boiled down to "eat meat, take vitamins", I finally followed his suggestions to prove that he was wrong. It's a week later and I feel better than I have in years. He's never going to let this go. FML
Today, I thought of this website for the first time in like 15 years. I wanted to laugh but now people just post actual sad shit. FML
Today, I found out that I have at least stage 3 cancer. I went on my insurance's website to get information for the doctors. I also saw "Other people who have been on your plan." My ex-wife was listed, with a new last name. She got remarried. I'm just going to let the cancer take me at this point. FML
Today, I’ve stayed close with my ex since cheating on him and marrying the guy I cheated on him with, 16 years ago. I realized I’m still in love with him but also love my husband. Both are down for a polyamorous relationship but not if the other is the other guy. Understandable, my bad karma. FML
Today, the company I work for is now an online company, meaning we work from home. My boss suggested I live with him and I would still get my salary; if I don’t, I will get paid via 3% commissions on systems that barely sell. The worst part of all of this is that every day I get shouted at for nothing. I hate my life. FML
Today, I had to explain to multiple people that even though I'm white, I have no interest in joining a hate group. FML
Today, I was eating whilst driving. I tried to stop sauce from spilling on the console and instead smashed into a parked car. FML
lukey101 tells us more.
lukey101 26
Wow, forgot there are so many 100% perfect people out there who have never made a stupid mistake in their lives! This was a momentary lapse of judgement that resulted in a pretty minor accident, that being the first and only I’ve had in 20+ years of driving. I was not driving drunk, speeding or doing anything overly reckless. I was eating. Silly mistake, yes. Don’t know if it really warrants the nasty comments.
Today my auntie who helps run a HOA sent me out on a quick errand to deliver some fines. Now I know why she didn’t want to go herself. Several fines were for one guy, one very large angry guy, who let his dog trap me in the garden while he yelled at me for 5 whole minutes until I cried. FML
Today, the girl I’ve moved mountains and bent over backwards for chose another man over me. When I asked her why him and not me, she said, “He’s more attractive.” But she sure found me “attractive” when I spent $20k on her for gifts, favors, etc. She put me in the friend-zone, except when I took my wallet out. FML
Today, I drove my car to work as I had some errands to do after, even though I only live a few blocks away. After driving round to find a car park for ages, the closest car park available was outside my house. I ended up walking to work instead. FML
Today, I booked a driver's ed course to avoid 3 points on my driving licence for doing 40 in 30 zone. That day, my wife kept quarrelling in the car, I got angry at her for a second, apparently also stepping on the gas. A triumphant copper with a speed gun was right there. I haven't had a speeding ticket in 25 years. FML
Today, my supervisor at work is now my father-in-law. My girlfriend told me that. FML
Today, after weeks of asking my neighbor nicely to pick up his dog’s crap out of the common area, I got fed up and reported him to the landlord and the city. He’s now been given two options; either get rid of his dog or move out. He’s now sworn revenge on me, even though he was the one being gross. FML
Today, I went out to see my uncle on my mom’s side and his family for my mom’s birthday. My oldest cousin insisted that he and his wife give their gift first. It was a stuffed bear, along with the news that they’re expecting their first kid, and making my mom a great-aunt. My gift was a cake she used to make. FML
Today, after waiting for 13 years, Avatar 2 got a release date. We tried to hide it from my dad, because he went totally blind a few months ago, and now he'll never see it. Somehow he found out about it. He didn't cry when he went blind, but he cried today when he realised he'll never see Pandora again. FML
Today, I was so tired at work that I typed out "wherehouse" instead of "warehouse" in a document shared with my co-workers. It took me several seconds to realize why the heck the spell checker had underlined "wherehouse" in red. FML
Today, I went to Houston to help with hurricane relief and to donate supplies. Later, I realized that I'd accidentally donated a bag that had my brand new truck keys in it. I've been waiting for 5 hours already to find it. FML
Today, I finally made it to my hotel in Florida, only to discover my boss was holidaying in the same hotel with her wife. So far I’ve run into them three times, at the pool, in the bar, and in the gym, and every time she ends up asking me work related questions. It's like I never left the office. FML
Today, I went on a first date, and it was going surprisingly well. As we were saying goodbye, I leaned in for a kiss. Just as our lips were about to meet, a car full of teenagers drove by and one of them yelled, "TONGUE SANDWICH." My date burst out laughing. FML
Today, my grandpa yelled at me, telling me to stop being ugly and rude. I only asked if he could cut the watermelon. FML
Today, I'm a divorced father, and my daughter is having a sleepover with 5 friends. They are about to jump in the hot tub and one of them is using one of my girlfriend's tampons. This led to a discussion about virginity and hymens. The quality of sex ed in my province is terrible, but I'm hiding instead of correcting them. FML
Today, it's my best friend's birthday. She went missing almost five years ago. My parents tell me to just "get over it", as if missing her is wrong. FML
Today, I was fired for following my supervisor's directions. That is to say, I was told to take away contacts from our team to avoid metric drops. The client caught us both, and my supervisor simply threw me under the bus. FML
Today, I’m being threatened with police action after my twins “beat up” a big kid for grabbing my daughter’s butt. They hit him with rocks and kicked him repeatedly. My twins are 7, my daughter is 10, and the other kid is 12. Maybe little perv in training should keep his hands to himself. FML
Today, I learned that when communication is getting shorter with you, it’s getting longer with someone else. My husband never tells me about his day anymore, but he constantly texts his coworker outside work. He vehemently insists she’s only a coworker and nothing else, and he’s “allowed to have friends”. FML
Today, my mom argued with me that I should have went to an emergency room a further 18 minutes away from me, during a near fatal allergic reaction, so I would've received "better care." FML
Today, my girlfriend, who's been in relationship with me for almost two years, told me she's worried that she's going to leave me for another rich guy "in the future", so to prevent that, she's gonna leave me right now. FML
Today, after months of trying to persuade her to give it to a wildlife rescue, I reported my stepmother to the authorities for illegally keeping an endangered bird in the kitchen. When they took it, she screamed that I had no right to do that, as she considered it hers since she found it. FML
Today I wanted to get my mind off of everything COVID, so I watched my favorite TV show. It’s about COVID now. FML
Today, my newly installed Ring doorbell captured crystal clear footage of my wife sucking off my brother on my porch. With sound. FML
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