Today, my family was preparing a turkey for my grandma's birthday dinner when my aunt noticed a utensil on the counter and asked what it was for. My mom said it was used to keep the turkey's legs together. My aunt responded to her by saying, "Maybe you should get one for your daughter." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, our freezer was full because my Dad got a free turkey from work. Thing is, my mom bought a pre-made ham, even though she knows my dad brings home a turkey every year. Why? Because of all the prep work that goes into making the turkey, including clearing out the kitchen, and throwing it into the oven. FML
Today, I went home for my grandma's 95th birthday. While there she noticed my new tongue stud and asked why I would get it done. Before I could reply, my cousin said, "So she can can make the boys happier when she's sucking on them." She's 9 years-old. FML
Today, I walked into the kitchen to find my daughter trying to cut her wrist with a plastic spoon. When I asked her why, she said her friend Lucy did that so her parents would buy her pretty things. My daughter and Lucy are both four years old. FML
Today, on Thanksgiving, I asked my kid what she is thankful for. "My tablet." I had just told her I was thankful for her. FML
Today, my mother-in-law gifted us with a new microwave. I told her it was too much and we didn't really need it. Her response, "I just want my grandkids to have food that tastes good for once." I'm a chef. FML
Today, I had my new girlfriend over for dinner. Halfway through the meal, my dad started poking her with his fork. When I asked him what the hell he was doing, he barked back, "Just making sure she isn't a blow-up doll!" FML
Today, I learned that my aunt, who lives with us, is using our chopsticks in her hair and putting them back in the utensil drawer without washing them. I'm the one that uses chopsticks the most. FML
Today, my mother-in-law gave me a toaster and a fork as a wedding gift. FML
Today, my daughter couldn't find a hair tie and thought a piece of duct tape would be a perfectly fine substitute. FML
Today, I took my parents up on their invitation to spend Thanksgiving with them. My 3 year-old daughter refused to get out of the car and insisted on waiting there. When asked why, she said, "I don't like Grandma because she's mean to Daddy!" Not only did my parents hear, we haven't told her he, my husband, passed away 4 months ago. FML
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Top comments
Janrok24 0
Just one word: OWNED!
cristy91 33
Tell her she should buy one for that fat trap of hers.
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Comments (294)
puppydoggie 0
pwwwnneedddd!
Death_Stiny 0
LOL PWNEDD!! *high fives the Aunt* You probably Deserved It, bc why would ur Aunt say it!!
qwep 0
Even if you were a ****, you didn't deserve to be owned that bad by an older woman. I mean, I would feel really awkward if my aunt suddenly said something like that. At a pre-birthday party, that is just uncalled for.
vag_fml 0
wow, **** shaming. and always done harshest by other women.
tessa_13 0
oh my goodness ahaha that sucks !
lalap_fml 0
OWNED!
CSmiles88 0
@#85, I'm pretty sure the name was familyskank BECAUSE of the situation and not the other way around To the people correcting the posters who said grandma instead of aunt, if you're going to correct them, don't accuse them of not being able to read. #22, 27 and 31 clearly took care of it. Any "you can't read" posters after that should apply that comment to yourself. The the OP, your aunt rocks for her quick wit, but that kinda sucks if it isn't fitting to your, erm, level of sexual activity. ;-)
FPsLife 5
yeah... OWNED
Nakedsquirrel 5
If your family thinks you look, act, or are slutty, you probably are.
runwest07 0
#88 and others...get a sense of humor. People need to learn how to laugh at things. And we all know that it's the aunt that made the comment, not the grandma. Read all the comments before you start jumping down someone else's throat about misreading. Yes, people need to read and actually comprehend what they read. But, telling people they misread the story after a handful of others already did is pretty pointless. Anyway... Hilarious story, whether she's a **** or not. Best kind of family and friends are those that can laugh at each other and still love each other.