Today, my family was preparing a turkey for my grandma's birthday dinner when my aunt noticed a utensil on the counter and asked what it was for. My mom said it was used to keep the turkey's legs together. My aunt responded to her by saying, "Maybe you should get one for your daughter." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, our freezer was full because my Dad got a free turkey from work. Thing is, my mom bought a pre-made ham, even though she knows my dad brings home a turkey every year. Why? Because of all the prep work that goes into making the turkey, including clearing out the kitchen, and throwing it into the oven. FML
Today, I went home for my grandma's 95th birthday. While there she noticed my new tongue stud and asked why I would get it done. Before I could reply, my cousin said, "So she can can make the boys happier when she's sucking on them." She's 9 years-old. FML
Today, I walked into the kitchen to find my daughter trying to cut her wrist with a plastic spoon. When I asked her why, she said her friend Lucy did that so her parents would buy her pretty things. My daughter and Lucy are both four years old. FML
Today, on Thanksgiving, I asked my kid what she is thankful for. "My tablet." I had just told her I was thankful for her. FML
Today, my mother-in-law gifted us with a new microwave. I told her it was too much and we didn't really need it. Her response, "I just want my grandkids to have food that tastes good for once." I'm a chef. FML
Today, I had my new girlfriend over for dinner. Halfway through the meal, my dad started poking her with his fork. When I asked him what the hell he was doing, he barked back, "Just making sure she isn't a blow-up doll!" FML
Today, I learned that my aunt, who lives with us, is using our chopsticks in her hair and putting them back in the utensil drawer without washing them. I'm the one that uses chopsticks the most. FML
Today, my mother-in-law gave me a toaster and a fork as a wedding gift. FML
Today, my daughter couldn't find a hair tie and thought a piece of duct tape would be a perfectly fine substitute. FML
Today, I took my parents up on their invitation to spend Thanksgiving with them. My 3 year-old daughter refused to get out of the car and insisted on waiting there. When asked why, she said, "I don't like Grandma because she's mean to Daddy!" Not only did my parents hear, we haven't told her he, my husband, passed away 4 months ago. FML
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Top comments
Janrok24 0
Just one word: OWNED!
cristy91 33
Tell her she should buy one for that fat trap of hers.
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Comments (294)
FKTGirl 0
Girl you aunt is wrong for that!!!!!!!!!!!!
wh0regasm 0
that's hilarious!!! i hope she was just kidding
Lesiliexx 0
hahahaha. That sucks.
ManganeseDream 0
hopefully your mom at least got raged?
DeathByIrony90 0
hahaha at #59, LOLed at that; cept that one truly was an FML. But she'd probably use that utensil to break his balls or something so I wouldnt suggest that and for everyone saying "you ***** you", thanks for reinforcing the double standard. If this were a guy (I'm a guy btw) then he'd probably get complimented with a bit of witty humor about how much of a 'player' he is instead of getting insulted with that witty humor about sluttiness IMHO if she has a legit bf AND she's still sleeping with other guys she's totally a ho, but if she's "taking things for a test drive", that's different
ludachrisZ 0
GO GRAMSSSS haha jk kinda. FYL tho that sucks
xxnickiixx 0
oh shit...lol....
doubleaubade 2
LOLLL I WANT YOUR AUNT TO BE MY AUNT
mattmag 0
hahahaha you got owned. next time you're at that aunt's house, bring a guy and have really noisy sex in her house.
1337Steph 0
Well, lesson learned for the day: Be less of a ****, because your family members already know.