Today, I am going to take a law school test. My Mom told me to relax, so I told her, "I'm better at stressing out, so I have something to fall back on if I bomb the test." To which she replied, "And masturbating, you've always excelled at that." FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my dad told me to take my stress out by getting a girlfriend. My mom laughed and said, "No that won't work, just go jack off in the shower again." FML
Today, I jokingly told my mom that I was having sex with my Professor. Her response was, "As long as you're getting A's, honey!" FML
Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML
Today, I got a lecture from my mother about how bad my stress has been, how I have to treat myself better and do something with my life. She still doesn't realize that most of the cause of my stress has been from her berating me about how stressed out I am. FML
Today, my girlfriend was complaining of being stressed, so I mentioned having heard that sex relieves a lot of that build up of stress. She replied, "I think I'd rather stay stressed." FML
Today, I'm having an existential crisis. I don't what the future holds, I'm overthinking and stressing about things I could've controlled. Now I'm having a breakdown and I've got a test tomorrow and I have to take a bath, but all my lazy ass does is worry but never actually do the fucking work. FML
Today, since my finals are starting tomorrow, I made a joke about setting my math books on fire. I laughed. Friends laughed. Parents laughed. Guess what subject just managed to actually get in touch with my scented candles? FML
Today, I have a huge test coming up for my licensing boards and if I don’t pass, I can’t work. I’ve been so stressed that I’ve hardly eaten or gotten more than a few hours sleep in the last couple of days. Without sleep, I can’t study. Without studying, I can’t pass. I’m literally worrying myself sick. FML
Today, my mom got drunk at our family reunion and told everyone how worried she is that my "excessive masturbation" would damage the nerves in both my dick and arm. FML
Today, my mom was more upset about my 67 on an Algebra test than my sister almost setting the house on fire. FML
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Top comments
WitEluded 13
Good luck getting that out of your head before the exam
igg125 30
Mama knows you best.
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Comments (62)
SarinThunderCat 4
Shit she's onto you
mccrightp 29
Think of each question as something to wack off your list. That will give you the spunk to ac e the test!
pinque 19
And how does she know that ??? Is she a viewer
Bellock86 2
I fail to see how your mom having a witty sense of humor is an FML. quit being a cry baby and cowboy up. go pass that test and become a rich lawyer. EVERYONE masturbates. fact of life
omzz15 23
That is my kind of test