Today, I am going to take a law school test. My Mom told me to relax, so I told her, "I'm better at stressing out, so I have something to fall back on if I bomb the test." To which she replied, "And masturbating, you've always excelled at that." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my dad told me to take my stress out by getting a girlfriend. My mom laughed and said, "No that won't work, just go jack off in the shower again." FML
Today, I jokingly told my mom that I was having sex with my Professor. Her response was, "As long as you're getting A's, honey!" FML
Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML
Today, I got a lecture from my mother about how bad my stress has been, how I have to treat myself better and do something with my life. She still doesn't realize that most of the cause of my stress has been from her berating me about how stressed out I am. FML
Today, my girlfriend was complaining of being stressed, so I mentioned having heard that sex relieves a lot of that build up of stress. She replied, "I think I'd rather stay stressed." FML
Today, I'm having an existential crisis. I don't what the future holds, I'm overthinking and stressing about things I could've controlled. Now I'm having a breakdown and I've got a test tomorrow and I have to take a bath, but all my lazy ass does is worry but never actually do the fucking work. FML
Today, since my finals are starting tomorrow, I made a joke about setting my math books on fire. I laughed. Friends laughed. Parents laughed. Guess what subject just managed to actually get in touch with my scented candles? FML
Today, I have a huge test coming up for my licensing boards and if I don’t pass, I can’t work. I’ve been so stressed that I’ve hardly eaten or gotten more than a few hours sleep in the last couple of days. Without sleep, I can’t study. Without studying, I can’t pass. I’m literally worrying myself sick. FML
Today, my mom got drunk at our family reunion and told everyone how worried she is that my "excessive masturbation" would damage the nerves in both my dick and arm. FML
Today, my mom was more upset about my 67 on an Algebra test than my sister almost setting the house on fire. FML
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Top comments
WitEluded 13
Good luck getting that out of your head before the exam
igg125 30
Mama knows you best.
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Comments (62)
mattrd_fml 31
at least you have her support if you decide to go into the adult industry.
DrCheese 16
Well, if your good at something...
Earl_KarmasBitch 36
If you're good at something you should never do it for free. OP, maybe you should consider going professional.
maggiefox 25
I have a friend that took a law test today... :o
devinaww 15
I wonder how she knows.... and what does she mean when she says "excel"? How good can you be at masturbating..?!
ProSwimmerFL 16
Now does your mom walk in on you while you do that orrrrrr what kinda strange OP
meghancuma 14
Just some light humor! I'm sure you did great(:
SoulessSoul 10
Damn, how'd she find out?
Drosophila82 18
That is hilarious.... But remind her that all men excel at that, and tell her not to be a hater
cmb2002 6
U could be a sperm donor