Today, I am going to take a law school test. My Mom told me to relax, so I told her, "I'm better at stressing out, so I have something to fall back on if I bomb the test." To which she replied, "And masturbating, you've always excelled at that." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my dad told me to take my stress out by getting a girlfriend. My mom laughed and said, "No that won't work, just go jack off in the shower again." FML
Today, I jokingly told my mom that I was having sex with my Professor. Her response was, "As long as you're getting A's, honey!" FML
Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML
Today, I got a lecture from my mother about how bad my stress has been, how I have to treat myself better and do something with my life. She still doesn't realize that most of the cause of my stress has been from her berating me about how stressed out I am. FML
Today, my girlfriend was complaining of being stressed, so I mentioned having heard that sex relieves a lot of that build up of stress. She replied, "I think I'd rather stay stressed." FML
Today, I'm having an existential crisis. I don't what the future holds, I'm overthinking and stressing about things I could've controlled. Now I'm having a breakdown and I've got a test tomorrow and I have to take a bath, but all my lazy ass does is worry but never actually do the fucking work. FML
Today, since my finals are starting tomorrow, I made a joke about setting my math books on fire. I laughed. Friends laughed. Parents laughed. Guess what subject just managed to actually get in touch with my scented candles? FML
Today, I have a huge test coming up for my licensing boards and if I don’t pass, I can’t work. I’ve been so stressed that I’ve hardly eaten or gotten more than a few hours sleep in the last couple of days. Without sleep, I can’t study. Without studying, I can’t pass. I’m literally worrying myself sick. FML
Today, my mom got drunk at our family reunion and told everyone how worried she is that my "excessive masturbation" would damage the nerves in both my dick and arm. FML
Today, my mom was more upset about my 67 on an Algebra test than my sister almost setting the house on fire. FML
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Top comments
WitEluded 13
Good luck getting that out of your head before the exam
igg125 30
Mama knows you best.
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Comments (62)
udderbutter 15
CUM on now you will do great on the test
gearhead369 20
It was so good the first time, you just had to say it again?
logicnazi 18
Lol 20. "With emphasis! EMPHASIS!!" - Josh Peck
abNormal62 23
One thing at a time. Test first. Wanking second. Today is not the time or place to multitask. Just saying!!!
Zebediabolical 45
I have to disagree. Wank first, test second. It's impossible to be nervous or stressed out after you pump one out. Try it and see.
abNormal62 23
Mom knows best?!?!?!
Cassandra2015 21
How does your mom know how well you do at masterbating ? those walls must be thin ! side note , good luck on the test !
JohnTheDonJuan 11
Plus I'm willing to bet she did his laundry for at least the first year that he was masturbating. Crusty sheets keep lousy secrets...
devinaww 15
Guys wank into sheets? What about tissues?
Cads1 24
If in doubt, rub one out!
theoldman 22
At least she knows your strong suits
worldclassrager 41
That's a rude response...
CyberHex 7
I assume you have taken the exam by now. Hope you passed!
Jayroc 18
I bet your going to spank that test!!
goozeo 11
They say masturbation reduces stress levels and nerves if you do it prior to some kind of a performance (or a test, perhaps) so bust a nut before you break a leg!